42

I don’t know about you but I’m feeling 42.

Oh wait.

Yes, it’s my birthday. Yay me. We had pizza and cake last night. The night before my birthday. Weird? Not really. I like to celebrate my birthday WEEK and I’m lucky that Tom and the girls are all for a week of cake.

Tonight I’m picking up some hot and sour soup from the local Chinese restaurant. Wheee! Birthday week is so fun.

So far my 40s have been good to me. I think it helps that Tom’s over 10 years older than I am, so no matter what age I reach, I’ll always be his young wife. Way to spin that one, huh?

I feel like this year is already going to be better than last. I’ve made some pretty big discoveries into the source of my issues and hey, that’s the first step.

I hope to work on the inside and have it show up on the outside. Is that how it works? I’ll let you know in 365 days.

For today I’m going to eat Brach’s peppermint Christmas nougats. Tis the season, don’t you know?

When Ten Minutes Equals Fifteen

Daylight savings time, or the lack of it, is kicking Olivia’s butt. Poor child is so tired in the evenings she can barely eat dinner. She’s just hanging on long enough to sit through three books right after dinner but then she’s out. She hasn’t made it past 7:00 yet.

I know, it’s only been two days but it’s tough on her. Her little body thinks it’s later and she’s tired and hungry and just a little cranky.

I keep trying to get her to sleep a little later, but again, her brain is on Daylight Savings Time and so she’s awake at 5am, ready to start the day. She gets that morning stuff from her dad.

Anyway, this morning we got up ten minutes early because I was hoping to get out of the house a bit early so I could go vote. Every vote counts, don’t you know?!? Those ten minutes means Olivia only had to lay next to me, wide awake for about 45 minutes. I know. I’m not proud but I am tired so…


I usually have to go wake Alyssa up about twenty minutes after Olivia and I get up but this morning, she was awake and, get this, cheerful, about five minutes after O and I were. I don’t know either.

And what do you know? Those ten minutes of getting up early turned into fifteen minutes before the morning was over. We were all ready and I was able to leave to go vote fifteen minutes before I usually leave for the day.

Maybe this whole falling back thing isn’t so bad after all. I’ll let you know in a week when Olivia’s finally gotten the memo.

Speaking of voting, my husband informed me last weekend that my dad is a gossip. When he said that, I asked him to tell me something I don’t already know. But then I asked him to elaborate. How did HE know my dad is a gossip? Apparently, while at an auction the week before, Tom ran into one of our neighbors. This neighbor can often be found at the local mechanic’s garage, a place my dad also often frequents. Upon on such visit, my dad and the neighbor got to talking politics. My dad let the neighbor know how I was planning to vote. I asked Tom if Neighbor had told him (Tom) how I was going to vote because I’d like to know since my dad seems to know.

Now, let me say right here that I’m a horrible daughter. I know that politics are a touchy subject for my dad and so I often can be heard saying things I know will rile him. It’s mean, I know. So…he thinks he knows how I voted based on things I’ve said to him in the past. I think he’s probably wrong. And we’ll leave the political discussion alone now, thank you very much.

Old Friends

I love to read. I’ve loved to read since before I could read. Seriously, I loved books before I knew how to read them. I loved to look through them and pretend I was reading.

When I did finally figure out the whole code that is reading, I was amazed at the worlds that opened up to me.

There are so many books I’ve read more times than I can count. So many books feel like visiting old friends when I pick them up to read them again.

And when another book or movie or television show makes a reference to one of my favorite books, I’m thrilled beyond rational. (Example: NBC’s show Revolution mentioned Stu Redman and Fran one evening. I was so excited I couldn’t stand it. Tom looked at me like I was crazy but…Miles introduced himself as STU REDMAN! Do you know how cool that is?)

Okay, now that I’ve made it quite obvious what a dork I am…where was I?

Yes, books, old friends and all that jazz.

Alyssa can read at the seventh grade level. Her teacher confirmed that my decision to let Alyssa read The Hunger Games was a good one. Alyssa is mature enough to handle the topic as well as proficient enough to actually read the words and get the meanings.

But last weekend at the library, she checked out two Junie B. Jones books. And she read them both in the time it took us to drive from the library to our house. And she laughed and laughed the entire time, often stopping to read aloud particularly funny passages.

She can read at a seventh grade level but the antics of a first grader tickle her to no end. I love that. I love that she can revisit Junie B. and still get a kick out of that silly little girl. I want that kind of relationship with books for her.

Books can be a great escape, a moment away from the trials of real life or yes, even the boredom of real life.

Books open worlds and introduce friends that are always there, between the pages. I’m so glad she revisited Junie B. this weekend, a short trip to see an old friend, one who reminded that laughter really is the best medicine.

Progress

After much thought, it came to me. The moment I think I broke.

I don't want to talk about it yet, not to anyone. But acknowledging that moment, taking ownership of it, knowing that it's over 20 years in the past...it helps.

It helps me to move beyond it even though I didn't even realize I needed to move beyond it.

I think I was more present this weekend with my whole family than I have been in quite some time.

That's progress too.

Live is a work in progress. That's something I'm trying to remember. And past mistakes don't have to define who we are today.

That's pretty good progress, I think.

Having a Day

The distain of a preteen is probably surpassed only by that of an actual teenager.

Alyssa was having a day today. A no good, very bad day.

She was irritable, grouchy, touchy and just plain disgusted by every single thing this world has to offer.

She didn't want to wear socks. I made her wear them anyway. It is November and it's cold outside. So...she was mad.

She needed to brush her hair. She didn't want to. It hurt. It made her mad.

We went to two different sports shops in town and were told at both that they didn't carry grips for the uneven bars. That was beyond disappointing.

Olivia kept breathing in her general direction. That was supremely annoying.

Finally, as she pouted in the backseat, her head buried against the door under her coat, I told Olivia that Alyssa was having a day and we needed to just let her.

Sometimes, we need to just have our bad days. Nothing anyone can say can make it better. We just have to get through it and plan for tomorrow to be a better day.

Already, things are better. She's doing gymnastics in the family room while watching Bewitched. When you're nine, that makes for a most excellent evening.

And I'm going to make some macaroni and cheese for her for dinner. Comfort food don't you know?

Can you even imagine this girl having a bad attitude?

Yeah, me neither.

Good Kids

I never worried when my mom headed to the school to conference with my teachers. I was one of the good kids, I knew the teachers liked me, I worked hard in school (okay, maybe not. I didn’t actually have to work hard to get good grades in elementary or even high school. The hard work came when I got to college.)

Anyway, the same has been true for Alyssa. She always knows she’s going to be given a glowing report on her classroom behavior. She always has. She’s one of the good kids.

Her teacher started our conference by saying that the surgery to remove Alyssa’s tonsils and adenoids was the best decision I could have made. She said that Alyssa has seemed like a different kid since the surgery. She’s got more energy, she’s more animated, she’s happier.

Hey, she feels better! It’s easy to be energetic and happy when you feel good. So yeah, there goes the last vestiges of guilt. Ahhh….

Alyssa is doing well in every subject, even the ones she doesn’t especially enjoy. That’s a great thing to hear. To know that even when she encounters something that isn’t exactly easy, she’s willing to do the work to learn it. That’s my girl.

She’s reading at a seventh grade level. I’m pretty proud of that.

She hasn’t actually finished a book report project that was due while she was out after her surgery. Ahem. Her teacher said that each time she mentions the project to Alyssa, Alyssa will say, “But I was absent.”

Which, well, is not excuse. So I told Mrs. K that Alyssa needs a date. She, Mrs. K, needs to tell Alyssa what day the project is to be done (it’s an oral book report, which probably terrifies Alyssa) and we’ll get it done. If Alyssa has an open ended timeline, that project is never going to get done. But if she’s given a specific deadline, she’ll get it done. I’ll make sure it (she says ominously.)

Olivia…oh, sweet, sweet Olivia. I was a little worried about this conference. Olivia can be…challenging. She’s got her own agenda, her own timeline and her own ideas on how to spend her day.

She also seems to have a sudden and frustrating aversion to bathroom at school. Which is ridiculous because it’s RIGHT THERE in the classroom! But she had accidents on Monday and Tuesday this week. Wednesday, Tom informed her she was NOT ALLOWED TO PEE IN HER PANTS WHILE AT SCHOOL. And what do you know? She didn’t.

So. Her teacher actually laughed that off. She said it might even be her and her aides fault because they’re used to children who have been potty trained for several years. She said she has to remind herself that O’s only really been fully trained for just over a year. So she’s taken to reminding Olivia that the bathroom is available to her at any time during the day. The kids don’t have to ask to use the restroom, they can just get up and go whenever they need to do so.

Then…Mrs. H said something that will forever endear her to me. She said, “I just love that girl.”

Olivia is a very charming child, when you get past the passive defiance and the occasional stench of pee.

Mrs. H said, “I’ll ask Olivia to do something at the board and she’ll grin at me and sashay right up there. She’s got some great hip action.”

I just love that Olivia is showing her teachers and her peers some of her sparkling personality. I want that for her. She’s laughing and smiling and TALKING at school these days.

And academically? She’s counting to 31. She recognized 24 out of the 26 uppercase letters and 18 out of the 26 lowercase letters. She’s interacting with her peers, she participates in group time.

Do you know how much different this is than her entire experience last year? This is so big.

I want her to enjoy learning and socializing. I want her to be liked and to be happy.

Isn’t that what we all want for our kids?

So today I’m grateful for good teachers who see the good in my kids.

Busyness

This past Monday afternoon I received an email from Tom suggesting that I not try to use that evening catch up with everything that had gone undone over the weekend. He said we should all just have a quiet evening at home. That things would get done eventually and there was no reason to knock ourselves out trying to get it all done in one night.

That evening I managed to get two loads of laundry watched and dried and that’s it. But it was enough. It felt like more than enough actually because I’d set the standards quite low.

And maybe that’s the answer.

By lowering my standards, I will probably come across much more success and happy surprises than I do when I expect too much and then don’t manage to get it all done.

This week has been full of busyness. Things that are still waiting to be put away, dishes (clean, at least) in the dishwasher, clothes in the dryer, gift bags on the floor by the backdoor.

But in the midst of the busyness, things got done here and there. The girls were bathed (always a plus in my book,) laundry was slowly folded and put away. The floors still need vacuumed but again, no pressure.

Last night’s trick or treating was awesome and necessary. We have to make time for frivolity and fun. If we don’t, what’s the point?

Tonight I have parent teacher conferences with A’s and O’s teachers. I then head to my mom’s to pick up those very same girls and head back to town for A’s gymnastics class. We’ll get home in time for the girls to eat a small dinner and for Alyssa to shower. Then it’s off to bed, another day done.

Busyness isn’t all bad. It makes otherwise boring times pass faster. But sometimes, I’d like to stop and take it all in. To look at my little girls who are both not quite so little anymore. To laugh with my husband, something we don’t do nearly often enough anymore. To sit back and realize yes, we have a good life. A very good life. And I’m so, so thankful for it.