Geez Mom, Finally!

If you ask Alyssa she will tell you that she’s wanted her hair cut for years. YEARS, she’ll tell you.

In reality, she started bugging asking me about getting her hair cut a few weeks ago. And by ‘hair cut’ she meant ‘haircut’. She didn’t want me to take her into the bathroom and use my dull scissors to cut a couple of inches off her hair in a blunt, straight-across style.

No, she wanted to go to a salon and have someone we don’t now put a cap around her neck and give her an actual haircut that I would pay for when finished.

I finally gave in and we hit up the salon at Walmart last weekend. What? Yes, Walmart has a hair salon. And the ladies there are very, very nice and quite good at their jobs.

And lest you think I got away with getting one girl’s hair cut without getting the others, let me state right here that Olivia was there too and she got a nice trim. I nixed her suggestion that we go ‘short, short, short’ with her hair. No. We’ve been there and yes, she has a great face for short hair, I don’t want to go that route again anytime soon. Someday…maybe. We’ll see.

We went in planning to get Alyssa’s hair cut into an angled bob but after talking to the stylist, we went with a shoulder-length, layered bob-ish style. Alyssa’s hair has a lot of wave/curl to it. Not quite the ringlets that Olivia’s hair seems to favor but definitely more body and bounce than an angled bob could handle. The layers were a good choice.

I had the other stylist cut about two inches off the ends of O’s hair, straightening out the back and wow, did this help. The thickness of her hair really shows now. So much cuteness.

Without further ado…Alyssa’s hair about four inches shorter, FINALLY having been cut by a professional:



And Olivia’s hair, professionally trimmed (and yes, Olivia had JUST eaten a red sucker, hence, what looks like clown lipstick. Yikes.):



They do so love to model.

Jeans, Smurfs, Buses

After weeks of bemoaning the fact that I only have one pair of jeans that currently fit, I decided to stop bitching and do something about it.

So I took the girls shopping with me and tried on jeans this past weekend. Alyssa was a great help. Well, when she wasn’t trying on things herself. She would tell me which jeans made my butt look flat or fat or even which ones pushed my stomach fat up into the dreaded muffin-top. Ick.

I ended up finding two pairs of Levi’s that I actually liked well enough to buy. So, yay, I now have three pairs of jeans that fit. Go me!! In even better news? One pair of jeans is a size twelve in the dreaded ‘skinny jean’ style. I know! Who would have thought I’d EVER purchase something with the word ‘skinny’ in the title? But whatever. They’re not bad.

The other pair is not of the skinny style but they are a size ten. Did you read that right? A size TEN. That is down from what I started in January at a size eighteen. Wow.
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On Sunday, as a last hurrah to the fact that school starts tomorrow, I took the girls to see Smurfs 2. It was cute. Alyssa was glad that they showed more of the cat. She loves that darn cat.

I actually appreciated that the makers of this movie didn’t try to make it funny for the parents. They knew they were making a movie for kids and they hit their target audience really well. Olivia liked it well enough that she only had to get up to go to the bathroom four times instead of the usual seven. Progress!
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Our bus driver called me this morning to let me know the pick up/drop off schedule for the coming year. Her route has changed and she informed me that she’d be by our house to pick up the girls each morning at 6:35.

6:35.

In the morning.

That would mean that girls are on the bus for an hour from the time they are picked up until they get to school.

We live four miles from the school.

I replied, “That’s really early.”

She sighed. “I know. But they’re the second ones on the bus.”

“Yeah. But…that’s so early. I will have to get them up at 5:30 so they’re ready when you get there. What time would they get on the bus if you picked them up at their grandmother’s house?”

She consulted her map, did some backward counting and replied, “6:50.”

Oh. That would mean we’d still have to leave our house at 6:30 to get them to her house to catch the bus. Not an improvement.

After a bit more back and forth, the bus driver mentioned that she goes by a church about a mile and a half from our house at 7:20. Could I get the girls there each morning?

I could, actually. That church is right on my way to work. We wouldn’t have to leave home until 7:10 to get to the church by 7:20, so…that’s what we’re doing.

It’s a bit of a pain but I appreciate her working with me to find a workable solution. I do not feel like putting them on the bus at 6:35 is a workable solution.

So that’s what’s been happening around here for the last few days. Riveting, I know.

Getting to Know Them

I keep thinking back on Olivia’s year in preschool, which was two years ago. It was…okay. She was okay.

But she didn’t thrive in that classroom. I even got the impression that her teacher didn’t like her very much. That breaks my heart.

Olivia is…well, obviously, she’s special. She’s got the diagnosis to prove it. But she’s so much more than the little girl who won’t talk to her teacher or her peers.

My mom and I were talking last night about the coming year and how Jaxon and Olivia and even Alyssa will have some challenges to face as they start school.

Alyssa’s got the lockers on the mind. They are stressing a girl out, let me tell you.

Jaxon, he’s very social but he’s so much like my brother when it comes to learning. He refuses to let my mom or even his mom, teach him anything. Just like his dad, Jaxon insists, “My teacher will teach me that.” The social aspects of school will not challenge this boy even a little but the academic? He’s in for some tough love.

Olivia, on the other hand, is doing well academically. At least at home. But at school, the social parts get in the way of her shining academically. I mean, you have to talk in order for your teachers to know what you know. You have to talk to your peers for them to see how funny, how smart, how sweet you are.

The thing is, the thing that I think irritates her teachers the most, is that Olivia doesn’t care about the social aspects of school. She doesn’t feel a need to be a part of the group. She doesn’t care if her peers play with her. She’s perfectly happy to find a corner and a small trinket and lay there, centering in on herself, practically meditating as the room erupts into chaos around her.

But she can be so active too, running around, laughing, making up stories and acting them out. But she has to trust those around her before she’ll show them this side of herself.

I pray that as she gets older and bigger, that her trust comes a little more quickly for her teachers. They’re missing out so much when they don’t get to see the side of my girl that I see.

I do realize that these teachers, two of them in a classroom of 40 five and six year olds, do the best they can. They can’t spend quality time with each child every single day. I know this. Which is why I worry so about Olivia. She may need more than these teachers can give her.

We’re going to give this a try this year and see what happens. I just want what every parent out there wants. I want for my girls to know love, to love learning, to be respected for their individual strengths and yes, weaknesses. I want people, teachers included, to take the time to get to know these girls, to learn who they are before they decide what they’re capable of.

I know it’s up to both A and O to shine on their own so others see them. I know this and yet…I worry so about them getting lost in the crowd, the system. As their mother, it’s up to me to do whatever I can to make sure that doesn’t happen.

I’m trying, is what I’m saying.

Reassurance

“How did you know what to take to class when you had lockers?” she asked for the third time.

“At first I just took a notebook of paper and a pencil. Later, I had a book I knew I was supposed to take to each class.” I answered, again.

A little while later, she asked, “When did they tell you what you should bring to class with you?”

I replied, “The first day, I always just took a notebook and something to write with. The teacher would tell us that day what was expected of us.”

“Oh, okay,” she sighed.

I let go. For a little while, I let it go. But Alyssa is a fretter. She can’t help it. Her mind picks up something and worries it to death.

She did this before kindergarten started all those years ago. She did it the night before starting first grade at a new school. She did it the night before riding the bus for the first time. She worries. She can’t help it.

It’s my job as her mom to try and reassure her when the worrying gets to be too much.

And I can tell when it gets to be too much when she starts asking the same question over and over, wording it slightly differently but basically asking the same question. She’s worried. Fifth grade is bringing with it some unknown issues and it scares her.

So I finally put my arm around her and told her, “You know, Sweetie, your teachers are on your side. They want you to succeed. They want all of you to succeed. They’re not the enemy, looking for some way to trip you up. I promise you that your teacher will tell you exactly what you should bring to class. She’ll also tell you if things change and you should bring something different to class. You are not being set up to fail. I promise.”

She laughed and said, “They’re on my side?”

“Yes,” I told her. “Just like I’m on your side. I totally want you to succeed and I will help you do so any way I can.”

She leaned in to me and sighed. She relaxed for a minute.

Will the worry come back? Of course it will. Will we have a tough time going to sleep on Monday night? Damn right we will. We’ll talk and talk and talk until she is so tired she can’t form sentences and I will reassure her until I’m out of breath and the only thing that is going to take away her worry is getting through the first day.

After that? Fifth grade is going to be a breeze. But nothing I say will convince her of that. That first day will do all the convincing. Until then, though, I’m here, on her side, helping her succeed.

Holding On

Fifth grade looms. While we take comfort the fact that we’re facing the same school, the same classmates, we are fearing new teachers, lockers, changing clothes for gym class and many other things that can stress a kid right out.

While at the kindergarten meeting earlier this week, I stared down the sign-up sheets for the class parties scheduled for the kindergartners. I asked the principal if fifth grade has class parties. She said that fifth grade does not have parties in the same sense that preschool through fourth grades does. They may have popcorn and a movie on some days and call that a party but parents aren’t asked to plan and participate in these parties.

So that’s another change.

So far I feel like we’ve been really lucky. We’ve weathered changing schools, changing bodies, changing expectation and changing social lives fairly well.

I know things are going to get bumpier before they settle.

I’m holding on for the ride, trying to maintain our relationship so she always know I’m here, waiting to be supportive, waiting in case I’m needed.

I’m lucky, so lucky that she still talks to me and I pray she always will.

On my grouchiest days, I feel guiltiest over not being there as much for Alyssa as she deserves. I get tired and I need my space. In those moments I need to remember that she needs me so much more than I need space. I need to pull her close for as long as she’ll let me and hold on when she pushes me away, holding tight to the smallest scraps she throws my way until she finds her way back to me. And I will always pray that she finds her way back.

Ready for Kindergarten?

I left the girls with Tom last night as he finished what felt like the endless job of canning salsa and preserving blackberries.

Why did I have to leave the girls on a Monday evening?

I had to go to the school for a kindergarten orientation meeting. See, I often forget what it was like for me when Alyssa started kindergarten. Kindergarten, for her, was her first real experience with school. Yes, she went to day care off and on over the years but never full-time and never for a few months at a time. I was a wreck when Alyssa was about to start kindergarten.

It was full day. She’d have to eat lunch there. Would she eat? Would she get enough to eat, to drink? Would she talk to her teacher? Would she make friends?

I needn’t have feared. Alyssa likes rules and once I explained to her that the rule was that when her teacher asked her a question, she HAD to respond, she was fine. She even made some pretty great friends.

Then, just before she started second grade, we moved. And I worried again. She’d be the new kid. She’d have to start all over. And after Christmas…she started riding the bus. The worry, the stress, the fears all came back.

But now Alyssa’s going into fifth grade. And she’s fine. She loves the bus. She has awesome friends and I love the school system, the teachers, the principal, even the bus drivers manage to at least seem to care about every single kid. I feel very lucky to have my girls at this school.

As I was walking into the school last night for the kindergarten meeting, one mom asked another if she was ready for kindergarten. The answer was, “No.”

I realized that this year doesn’t feel as huge to me as the year before last or even last year. Last year Olivia was in the kinderkid program, a half-day, five-day-a-week program for kids who aren’t quite ready for kindergarten but are a bit ahead of typical preschool.

She rode the bus and it scared me so, so much. I mean, she was so little. I worried about her so much. But she’s grown in the past year, not only physically but also emotionally and socially. Olivia has gained a confidence in her own physical abilities that I am in awe of. I trust her ability to get through the day at school.

Yes, I’ll be packing her lunches from now until probably sixth grade but I’ve done that for Alyssa too. No biggie.

It helps, too, that the girls will be on the bus together. Alyssa can help her sister on and off the bus both in the morning and in the afternoon.

Will the first few weeks be a bit of an adjustment for us all? Of course, but we can do this.

I mean, come on, it’s just kindergarten.

Shopping, Driving, and Salsa

My mom and I took the girls shopping on Saturday to get them a few new things for school, which starts a week from tomorrow. We drove to the ‘big’ city of Fort Wayne (because that’s where the closest mall is. Yes. We’re a forty-five minute drive from the nearest mall. Let that sink in.)

When we walked through the doors of Sears, Olivia gasped. “We’re at the mall?” She was so excited she couldn’t stand it. But she had to pee before she could really let herself take it all in.

Once she’d taken that restroom break, though, she was headed for the escalators. Because that’s what the mall is all about when you’re six. And to O’s delight, we rode the hell out of those escalators.

Between escalator rides, we also rode the double decker carousel. During one of these rides, I asked Olivia how great it was that she’s so big these days that she doesn’t need a stroller while at the mall. She grinned and said she loves being big. I love that she’s big too.

We also managed to buy clothes, shoes, socks and a gift for the ever lovely Julie.

Why did I buy a gift for Julie? Because the very next day (yesterday) A and O and I got in the car at 10:00am to drive down to Julie’s parent’s house where we surprised Julie with a party for celebrate a milestone birthday. The part started at 2:00pm. The girls and I arrived at 1:58pm. We did stop three times to use the restroom and buy some McD’s for the girls to have for lunch. But yes, in the end we were in the car for four hours each way to celebrate Julie’s birthday. And it was so worth it. The look on Julie’s face when she and her husband drove up the hill of her parents’ drive and saw so many of us there to celebrate with her was awesome.

Sometimes the laundry has to wait, the carpets have to go unvacuumed and Tom has to chop vegetables for salsa all by himself because birthdays are important and friends are even more important and when you’re invited to a surprise birthday party and you can make it happen, you should make it happen.

In all honesty, I think Tom was glad to get rid of us because he planned to can salsa, his second batch, yesterday and sometimes, the girls and I are more of hindrance than a help. When we rolled in at 9:00pm last night he was still blanching and peeling tomatoes. Poor fella was miserably elbows deep in tomato peels. Sadly, I still couldn’t help because there were girls to get into pajamas, books to be read and beds waiting for sleeping heads.

He looked pretty tired this morning when he announced that he finally finished the tomatoes at 2:15am. At the point, he’d decided that the actual canning of the salsa would take place today. Yes, today…while I’m at work. I’ll do almost anything to get out of canning green beans and/or salsa. I’m lucky to have that man. This I do know.

To give Tom a break, I offered to attend the kindergarten information meeting tonight at the school. I told Tom I’d fill in him on anything important. I think he’s glad to skip this one.

Hey, I guess that means we’re lucky to have each other, huh?