I only go away from my family once a year. Any other time of the year that I happen to go anywhere, I take the girls with me.
So it’s rare for the girls and Tom to be home alone without me. But they’ve done it eight times now, and so they’re getting good at it. Or, you know, they’re resigned to the fact that it will happened once a year and so they deal.
The tradition that Tom and the girls have come up with is that when I’m not home, they all get to sleep downstairs in the living room. Tom brings O’s mattress down and A sleeps on the couch.
They are also allowed to eat pretty much anything they want anywhere they want all weekend long. According to Lyss, they were also allowed to watch as much television and play on the computer and their tablets with no limit. Which, okay, that’s awesome because it means they’re having too much fun to miss me.
Though Alyssa did vent a little last night when she muttered a bit about him getting on her about eating at the computer desk. “He never said a word about when you were gone.”
Maybe when I’m there, Tom feels like I’m already so soft that he has to be tougher to counteract my softness.
Who knows? I’m just glad they have fun and get along so well when I’m away.
For the record, there was plenty of soup when I left on Friday.
A mom, a dad and two daughters. We're living ordinary lives with a twist of 5p- (Cri du Chat) for spice. But we're about so much more than our younger daughter's genetic diagnosis.
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
A Girl and Her Braces
So yes, Alyssa got her braces on yesterday. Wait, she actually got braces on her top four front teeth. The rest…do not have braces. But she’s adorable with those four all braced up.
I’m actually glad we’re doing this now, when so many of her friends and classmates have braces. She feels like she fits right in. As we were driving home yesterday, she kept looking at herself in the mirror and saying, “I actually look kind of cute with braces.”
Gotta love a girl with confidence, right?
And you know what? She really does look cute. I think the braces actually make her look closer to her actual age of twelve going on thirteen instead of sixteen going on twenty-seven.
She amuses me so with her obsession for oral hygiene and her fascination with everything orthodontia related.
She came to me after breakfast this morning and gloated, “I had ice cream for breakfast. I told Dad my teeth hurt and he let me have ice cream.”
Then her face changed to a grimace and she added, “But he did make me drink a glass of milk.”
I laughed, “Doesn’t he realize that ice cream is basically frozen milk?”
“I know!” she smiled, showing all four braces. “I tried to tell him that but he didn’t go for it.”
To add adventure to braces, she got the braces yesterday, and today is picture day for her school. Just kind of figures, huh? But that really doesn’t seem to bother her. She’s all for posterity and recording these events as they happen.
Ahh, the fun of being a child of the technological/information age. Too bad they haven’t figure out a virtual way to fix deep, crossed bites yet other than good old fashioned metal braces that get glued to ones teeth during adolescence.
(Or, you know, when a person is 27, whatever.)
I’m actually glad we’re doing this now, when so many of her friends and classmates have braces. She feels like she fits right in. As we were driving home yesterday, she kept looking at herself in the mirror and saying, “I actually look kind of cute with braces.”
Gotta love a girl with confidence, right?
And you know what? She really does look cute. I think the braces actually make her look closer to her actual age of twelve going on thirteen instead of sixteen going on twenty-seven.
She amuses me so with her obsession for oral hygiene and her fascination with everything orthodontia related.
She came to me after breakfast this morning and gloated, “I had ice cream for breakfast. I told Dad my teeth hurt and he let me have ice cream.”
Then her face changed to a grimace and she added, “But he did make me drink a glass of milk.”
I laughed, “Doesn’t he realize that ice cream is basically frozen milk?”
“I know!” she smiled, showing all four braces. “I tried to tell him that but he didn’t go for it.”
To add adventure to braces, she got the braces yesterday, and today is picture day for her school. Just kind of figures, huh? But that really doesn’t seem to bother her. She’s all for posterity and recording these events as they happen.
Ahh, the fun of being a child of the technological/information age. Too bad they haven’t figure out a virtual way to fix deep, crossed bites yet other than good old fashioned metal braces that get glued to ones teeth during adolescence.
(Or, you know, when a person is 27, whatever.)
Thursday, October 15, 2015
When the Going Gets Tough
When Olivia was a baby, my friend Julie (everyone say hi to Julie) suggested to me that I join the support group she’d joined years before when her daughter was a newborn in the NICU.
I went to the site, read a few stories and told Julie that I didn’t fit in at that site. I told her that Olivia was only in the NICU for eleven days and she didn’t seem to have any major health issues at that time, other than the near-constant screaming…oh the screaming.
Julie gently told me that there is no such thing as ‘only’ when your baby is in the NICU. She asked me if I’d expected my full-term pregnancy to end with a baby in the NICU.
Well, duh, I replied, of course I didn’t expect my full-termer to end up in the NICU. She was the result of a 41 week, 2 day pregnancy. I thought I’d bring home a giant, healthy baby and all would be well.
Instead, my five pound, two ounce baby was taken three hours after her birth from the hospital in which she was born to a larger hospital an hour away where they had a NICU that could help her.
Julie pointed out that the whole reason I belonged to the group she’d mentioned was because my pregnancy didn’t end the way I’d expected.
Hers didn’t either. No one expects to give birth at 25 weeks. No one expects their baby to die at any point before or after birth.
And yet so many women I’ve met through this group have experienced just those things. We’ve all come together to support each other when things don’t go as planned.
I’ve been a part of this group since the early months of 2007. Back then we didn’t know that Olivia has 5p- syndrome. We didn’t know why she cried all the time, why she was born so small for her gestational age, why she had trouble breathing when she was born. We didn’t know why she had low muscle tone and didn’t sit up until she was a year old, didn’t crawl until she was 17 months old, didn’t walk until 29 months.
But even without knowing why, the women (and men, there are a few men) were so supportive of my struggles. They read my vents about sleep and feeding. They shared their own fears and celebrations. Together, we all felt so much less alone.
This weekend, I get to go to Chicago and see all these amazing people. This will be the seventh year I’ve been lucky enough to attend the conference known as ShareUnion. It’s a place for real hugs to replace virtual ones. It’s a place where it’s okay to try ugly tears. It’s a place for laughter, healing, community such that I haven’t known since my days in Residence Life in college.
I will be forever grateful to Julie for leading me to this place, these people. My people.
Because you know the saying, right? When the going gets tough, the tough create a support group.
I went to the site, read a few stories and told Julie that I didn’t fit in at that site. I told her that Olivia was only in the NICU for eleven days and she didn’t seem to have any major health issues at that time, other than the near-constant screaming…oh the screaming.
Julie gently told me that there is no such thing as ‘only’ when your baby is in the NICU. She asked me if I’d expected my full-term pregnancy to end with a baby in the NICU.
Well, duh, I replied, of course I didn’t expect my full-termer to end up in the NICU. She was the result of a 41 week, 2 day pregnancy. I thought I’d bring home a giant, healthy baby and all would be well.
Instead, my five pound, two ounce baby was taken three hours after her birth from the hospital in which she was born to a larger hospital an hour away where they had a NICU that could help her.
Julie pointed out that the whole reason I belonged to the group she’d mentioned was because my pregnancy didn’t end the way I’d expected.
Hers didn’t either. No one expects to give birth at 25 weeks. No one expects their baby to die at any point before or after birth.
And yet so many women I’ve met through this group have experienced just those things. We’ve all come together to support each other when things don’t go as planned.
I’ve been a part of this group since the early months of 2007. Back then we didn’t know that Olivia has 5p- syndrome. We didn’t know why she cried all the time, why she was born so small for her gestational age, why she had trouble breathing when she was born. We didn’t know why she had low muscle tone and didn’t sit up until she was a year old, didn’t crawl until she was 17 months old, didn’t walk until 29 months.
But even without knowing why, the women (and men, there are a few men) were so supportive of my struggles. They read my vents about sleep and feeding. They shared their own fears and celebrations. Together, we all felt so much less alone.
This weekend, I get to go to Chicago and see all these amazing people. This will be the seventh year I’ve been lucky enough to attend the conference known as ShareUnion. It’s a place for real hugs to replace virtual ones. It’s a place where it’s okay to try ugly tears. It’s a place for laughter, healing, community such that I haven’t known since my days in Residence Life in college.
I will be forever grateful to Julie for leading me to this place, these people. My people.
Because you know the saying, right? When the going gets tough, the tough create a support group.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Kindness Is a Choice
Alyssa friend Nora is a very nice person. She’s pretty much kindness personified.
I think it makes Lyss a little crazy when I talk about how kind Nora is. And I get it. I mean, who wants to be compared to someone who seems like they only have one setting. And honestly, I’m sure Nora has her moments of frustration and annoyance. If I lived with her I’d probably see it as much as I see Lyss’s annoyances.
After Nora and Delaney left last weekend, Alyssa was being less than patient with Olivia. Now, let me state right here that Olivia can be quite a pill. She can be irritating and frustrating and even infuriating. Heck, I’m not always as kind and patient as I’d like to be with her.
But whatever it was that Olivia was doing seemed to me to be fairly trivial and so I said to Lyss, “You know, kindness is a choice.”
Of course she rolled her eyes at me and sighed. Because, yeah, she’s twelve and that’s an annoying thing to hear your mother (or anyone, probably) say.
So at that point, I laughed and said, “I give you permission to use that line on me when I’m being less than kind.”
“Really?” she said, obviously surprised by my generosity.
“Sure,” I replied. “But you have to say, ‘Mumsy, kindness is a choice.’”
She laughed at my idiocy and declared that she would do just that the next time I was irritated by either her or her sister.
And you know what? I hope she does. I hope that in the moment I can use the pause that the comment will create and calm down, relax a little and choose kindness.
]
I think it makes Lyss a little crazy when I talk about how kind Nora is. And I get it. I mean, who wants to be compared to someone who seems like they only have one setting. And honestly, I’m sure Nora has her moments of frustration and annoyance. If I lived with her I’d probably see it as much as I see Lyss’s annoyances.
After Nora and Delaney left last weekend, Alyssa was being less than patient with Olivia. Now, let me state right here that Olivia can be quite a pill. She can be irritating and frustrating and even infuriating. Heck, I’m not always as kind and patient as I’d like to be with her.
But whatever it was that Olivia was doing seemed to me to be fairly trivial and so I said to Lyss, “You know, kindness is a choice.”
Of course she rolled her eyes at me and sighed. Because, yeah, she’s twelve and that’s an annoying thing to hear your mother (or anyone, probably) say.
So at that point, I laughed and said, “I give you permission to use that line on me when I’m being less than kind.”
“Really?” she said, obviously surprised by my generosity.
“Sure,” I replied. “But you have to say, ‘Mumsy, kindness is a choice.’”
She laughed at my idiocy and declared that she would do just that the next time I was irritated by either her or her sister.
And you know what? I hope she does. I hope that in the moment I can use the pause that the comment will create and calm down, relax a little and choose kindness.
]
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Always Changing
One of the best things I heard at the 5p- conference we attended back in July is that our kids continue to learn and grow and mature no matter how old they are.
One of the speakers mentioned that his daughter is 23 and she was speaking better at this year’s conference than she did the year before and infinitely better than she had at the one the year before that.
I see this with Olivia. I see her growing and learning and maturing.
Of course, I also hear her arguing and resisting change and trying to wheedle her dad into giving her what she wants.
But the arguing, the debating, the wheedling, those are signs of growth too. She wants to be independent but she also likes to have us take care of her. She wants the privileges of being almost nine but also wants the babying that comes from still being just eight.
For the record, last night’s math homework was done in about eight minutes. It was painless for both me and Liv. And no, it wasn’t painless for me because Tom helped her. I helped her and if every night was like last night, I’d be happy to help her every single night.
Alas…we’re undergoing growth and the ensuing pain that accompanies it.
There’s change happening everywhere and I’m glad to say that most of it is being embraced. We’ll see where this next chapter takes us.
One of the speakers mentioned that his daughter is 23 and she was speaking better at this year’s conference than she did the year before and infinitely better than she had at the one the year before that.
I see this with Olivia. I see her growing and learning and maturing.
Of course, I also hear her arguing and resisting change and trying to wheedle her dad into giving her what she wants.
But the arguing, the debating, the wheedling, those are signs of growth too. She wants to be independent but she also likes to have us take care of her. She wants the privileges of being almost nine but also wants the babying that comes from still being just eight.
For the record, last night’s math homework was done in about eight minutes. It was painless for both me and Liv. And no, it wasn’t painless for me because Tom helped her. I helped her and if every night was like last night, I’d be happy to help her every single night.
Alas…we’re undergoing growth and the ensuing pain that accompanies it.
There’s change happening everywhere and I’m glad to say that most of it is being embraced. We’ll see where this next chapter takes us.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Pumpkins, Pizza, Movies and More
So the Social Skills Event happened.
The girls and I hit town early on Saturday to make sure we were home with plenty of time to clean up any stray toys that made it from upstairs to downstairs before their friends arrived.
The night before The Event, I stayed up and cleaned the bathrooms, took laundry to the basement and picked up most of O’s ‘junk stashes’. I didn’t want to be racing around like a fool right before the girls were due to arrive the next day.
Their mom was bringing them between 3:30 and 4:00 on Saturday afternoon. O was beside herself with excitement. She was planning things to do with every minute that her friend Delaney was going to be there. She was even trying to plan what Lyss was going to do with her friend Nora. Because Lyssie isn’t always as patient with her sister as I’d like, she snapped at O to stop trying to plan her time.
Ha, silly girls, with the planning and thinking they have free will. We’d bought pumpkins and webbing and spiders and pizza. I had their entire evenings planned to the minute, bwahahahaha.
Okay, so maybe not. I’m not really THAT mom, just a little bit That mom.
So Mrs. Porch arrived with Nora and Delaney and A and O were ecstatic. We went out to greet them and Delaney was sort of clingy with her mom. I heard her whisper, “I don’t want to spend the night.”
Her mom hugged her tight and whispered something back to her.
I decided to speak up, “How about if you just hang out with us for a little while and if you want to go home later, we can call your mom and she can come get you? We’re going to carve pumpkins later.”
That perked the kid right up and she peeled herself out of her mom’s embrace and joined Olivia in a happy dance around the yard.
Mrs. Porch thanked me and started telling me all the things Delaney would need that night. Then she stopped herself and said, “Sorry, I’m coming across as overprotective, aren’t I?”
Ha. Hahaha. I actually did laugh even as I said, “Overprotective? Have you met me?”
This got a laugh out of her and seemed to ease some of her nervousness and she quickly made her exit after saying goodbye to N and D one more time.
After that, it was one activity after the other. They had a fabulous time and I only had to urge Liv to talk to her friend a few times before her nerves settled enough for her to actually act like a normal kid instead of a maniac.
When Mrs. Porch texted me at 10:30 to let me know she was home from her own event and see if I needed her to come get Delaney, I was happy to inform the worried mom that her girl was sound asleep.
I’d planned for the little girls to sleep down in the living room with me and have the bigger girls sleep upstairs in the girls’ bedroom. I put on a movie for the littles and laid out blankets for them to lay on while they watched. I figured this might actually make bedtime less stressful for D. And it worked!! Go me.
What didn’t work was having the bigger girls go upstairs. Nope, they wanted to sleep downstairs too. So D slept in the recliner, Nora slept on one end of the couch. Lyss and Liv slept on the pile of blankets on the floor and I slept on the other end of the couch. (It’s a U-shaped couch, no toes were in any faces at the time of this Social Event.)
It was a miserable night for me. Tom was in the family room and his tv was on all night long. It was loud and annoying. I got up at 2:30 and turned it off. He woke up at 3:00 and turned it back on but thankfully he turned down the volume. I could still see the flickering lights but at least the noise was gone.
And on top of the television, Olivia fussed off and on all night long. Ugh. Poor kid. She was worn out and overworked from having a friend over. Social Events are hard work for the socially challenged.
But in the end, I’d called it a success. Nora and Delaney slept all night long and were cheerful the next morning. Their mom picked them up at 10:00 that morning and everyone was happy with the success of our very first social event.
We will not, however, be repeating this sort of event any time soon. As much fun as it was and as great as the Porch girls were, adding two more kids to the mix is a lot of work and I admire those parents who do this sort of thing with/for their kids more often. Once in a great while is enough for us.
The girls and I hit town early on Saturday to make sure we were home with plenty of time to clean up any stray toys that made it from upstairs to downstairs before their friends arrived.
The night before The Event, I stayed up and cleaned the bathrooms, took laundry to the basement and picked up most of O’s ‘junk stashes’. I didn’t want to be racing around like a fool right before the girls were due to arrive the next day.
Their mom was bringing them between 3:30 and 4:00 on Saturday afternoon. O was beside herself with excitement. She was planning things to do with every minute that her friend Delaney was going to be there. She was even trying to plan what Lyss was going to do with her friend Nora. Because Lyssie isn’t always as patient with her sister as I’d like, she snapped at O to stop trying to plan her time.
Ha, silly girls, with the planning and thinking they have free will. We’d bought pumpkins and webbing and spiders and pizza. I had their entire evenings planned to the minute, bwahahahaha.
Okay, so maybe not. I’m not really THAT mom, just a little bit That mom.
So Mrs. Porch arrived with Nora and Delaney and A and O were ecstatic. We went out to greet them and Delaney was sort of clingy with her mom. I heard her whisper, “I don’t want to spend the night.”
Her mom hugged her tight and whispered something back to her.
I decided to speak up, “How about if you just hang out with us for a little while and if you want to go home later, we can call your mom and she can come get you? We’re going to carve pumpkins later.”
That perked the kid right up and she peeled herself out of her mom’s embrace and joined Olivia in a happy dance around the yard.
Mrs. Porch thanked me and started telling me all the things Delaney would need that night. Then she stopped herself and said, “Sorry, I’m coming across as overprotective, aren’t I?”
Ha. Hahaha. I actually did laugh even as I said, “Overprotective? Have you met me?”
This got a laugh out of her and seemed to ease some of her nervousness and she quickly made her exit after saying goodbye to N and D one more time.
After that, it was one activity after the other. They had a fabulous time and I only had to urge Liv to talk to her friend a few times before her nerves settled enough for her to actually act like a normal kid instead of a maniac.
When Mrs. Porch texted me at 10:30 to let me know she was home from her own event and see if I needed her to come get Delaney, I was happy to inform the worried mom that her girl was sound asleep.
I’d planned for the little girls to sleep down in the living room with me and have the bigger girls sleep upstairs in the girls’ bedroom. I put on a movie for the littles and laid out blankets for them to lay on while they watched. I figured this might actually make bedtime less stressful for D. And it worked!! Go me.
What didn’t work was having the bigger girls go upstairs. Nope, they wanted to sleep downstairs too. So D slept in the recliner, Nora slept on one end of the couch. Lyss and Liv slept on the pile of blankets on the floor and I slept on the other end of the couch. (It’s a U-shaped couch, no toes were in any faces at the time of this Social Event.)
It was a miserable night for me. Tom was in the family room and his tv was on all night long. It was loud and annoying. I got up at 2:30 and turned it off. He woke up at 3:00 and turned it back on but thankfully he turned down the volume. I could still see the flickering lights but at least the noise was gone.
And on top of the television, Olivia fussed off and on all night long. Ugh. Poor kid. She was worn out and overworked from having a friend over. Social Events are hard work for the socially challenged.
But in the end, I’d called it a success. Nora and Delaney slept all night long and were cheerful the next morning. Their mom picked them up at 10:00 that morning and everyone was happy with the success of our very first social event.
We will not, however, be repeating this sort of event any time soon. As much fun as it was and as great as the Porch girls were, adding two more kids to the mix is a lot of work and I admire those parents who do this sort of thing with/for their kids more often. Once in a great while is enough for us.
Friday, October 9, 2015
Social Skills Event
Tom and I try to take turns being calm and patient with the girls. When I’m at the end of my rope and about to tie it into a noose, he’s calm and relaxed, able to joke around to bring me out of my frustration.
Last night when I got home, he was the one who’d just about had it with Olivia. She’s in an arguing phase, as in, every single thing someone says has to be met with an argument from her. It’s infuriating and yet, at times, amusing. But we absolutely have to be in the right frame of mind to find her near-constant arguments amusing. I told Tom four years ago when Olivia was five that at some point, the arguing was going to stop being cute. Did he believe me? Nope.
And here we are.
So yes, he was annoyed with her last night and I had to break it to him that we are having guests in the form of a twelve year old girl and an eight year old girl over on Saturday afternoon. These girls are also spending the night with us that night.
Tom feels like until Olivia is feeding herself consistently and not arguing as much, she should have friends over.
Except…that seems mean. I mean, let’s work on one thing at a time and to take away friend time, something she NEEDS, feels excessive.
I suggested to him that instead of thinking of it as giving in to her desire to have friends over, which, to me, is a huge accomplishment on her part, he should think of it as Social Skills Therapy. Yeah, that’s how we’ll frame it. Having a typical peer over for several hours and into the night will be good for Olivia. She needs to be around her peers more, to talk to them, to interact with them, to learn from them.
So tomorrow night, we are not having a sleep over; no, not at all.
We’re having a social skills event. And everyone is going to be happy and have a fabulous time, damn it.
Last night when I got home, he was the one who’d just about had it with Olivia. She’s in an arguing phase, as in, every single thing someone says has to be met with an argument from her. It’s infuriating and yet, at times, amusing. But we absolutely have to be in the right frame of mind to find her near-constant arguments amusing. I told Tom four years ago when Olivia was five that at some point, the arguing was going to stop being cute. Did he believe me? Nope.
And here we are.
So yes, he was annoyed with her last night and I had to break it to him that we are having guests in the form of a twelve year old girl and an eight year old girl over on Saturday afternoon. These girls are also spending the night with us that night.
Tom feels like until Olivia is feeding herself consistently and not arguing as much, she should have friends over.
Except…that seems mean. I mean, let’s work on one thing at a time and to take away friend time, something she NEEDS, feels excessive.
I suggested to him that instead of thinking of it as giving in to her desire to have friends over, which, to me, is a huge accomplishment on her part, he should think of it as Social Skills Therapy. Yeah, that’s how we’ll frame it. Having a typical peer over for several hours and into the night will be good for Olivia. She needs to be around her peers more, to talk to them, to interact with them, to learn from them.
So tomorrow night, we are not having a sleep over; no, not at all.
We’re having a social skills event. And everyone is going to be happy and have a fabulous time, damn it.
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