Homework Drama

Olivia came home yesterday with a note from her teacher that said that there were some students in their class who were falling behind in their homework. It continued saying that each time a student didn’t turn in their homework, they would receive a point and when they reached ten points, that student would be required to stay after school for an hour for detention, during which time, they would be expected to finish their homework.

Parents were then expected to pick their child up at 3:55 after school, where they would be met by the principal, who would be waiting with the student for pick up.

Yikes!!

Tom and I are pretty involved parents. (Some would probably say too involved, but I ask you, is that really possible?)

Olivia and I sit down every at the table every day after school and I ‘help’ her do her homework. And by ‘help’ I mean, I keep her focused while SHE does her homework. I do not give her the answers, I don’t hint at the answers. I might help her figure out the answer herself, providing tools for her to do so, but she does the homework.

When we’re done, I always put the homework back in her folder and put her folder back in her backpack.

Now, I realize that I should probably be making her put the homework in the folder and have her put the folder back in the backpack but by the time we’re at that point, she’s tired (math is hard!) and I’m ready for the whole saga to be done.

So when we saw that note last night, I was pretty sure they weren’t talking about Olivia. But to be sure, I sent her teacher an email today.

This was our back and forth:
From: Ordinary Mom
Sent: Friday, January 29, 2016 9:03 AM
To: Mrs. P
Subject: Homework
Good morning Mrs. P,
We got the letter regarding homework yesterday and I wanted to make sure Olivia has been doing and handing in all homework assignments. I tried to go online and find anything we might have missed but couldn’t find anything in the online classroom that needed to be printed.
Thank you.

From: Mrs. P
Sent: Friday, January 29, 2016 12:39 PM
To: Ordinary Mom
Subject: RE: Homework
Hi Tommie,
Olivia’s homework has been fine. We have had several students who have fallen off the homework bandwagon and so the whole class had to be reminded of our homework policy. The only thing online is our weekly newsletter that simply states not to forget math and reading logs weekly. Students also have the homelinks Monday through Thursday unless there is a unit test.
Thanks!
Mrs. P

From: Ordinary Mom
Sent: Friday, January 29, 2016 12:43 PM
To: Mrs. P
Subject: RE: Homework
Thank you so much. She insisted that she hadn’t been told that her homework was an issue but knowing that sometimes she’d like to ‘forget’ homework, I thought I’d check. I know that we need to keep up in order not to fall behind.
Tommie


From: Mrs. P
Sent: Friday, January 29, 2016 12:39 PM
To: Ordinary Mom
Subject: RE: Homework
Thanks for all your hard work at home!! Have a great weekend!

I do so love a teacher who is willing to work with my neurosis when it comes to following rules. Dear, sweet, precious O is not so much about following the rules as Alyssa and I are but we’re working on it with her.

She understands that homework will be done every day, teeth will be brushed, hands will be washed after using the bathroom, etc. So she gets it. But if she can get out of something? Believe me, she’ll try.

So yes, I was relieved that we were not one of those families who are riding the detention train, next stop, the principal’s office.

So Luck...Really

I’m lucky that she can voice her opinions on everything from what we serve her for breakfast/lunch/dinner to what she’s wearing and how tight her shoes are tied.

I’m lucky that she can manipulate pens and markers to write all over every surface that doesn’t move.

I’m lucky that she can walk around in order to follow me from room to room to room.

I’m lucky.

We’re lucky.

And yet, when my hair is still dripping wet from my shower, I still have to put on make-up and the clock says I have about fifteen minutes before I need to leave for work in order to not be late, it’s very frustrating when Olivia seeks me out to let me know that she can’t possibly wear the outfit she’s got on because, one, it’s not fancy enough and two, it’s itchy.

I fussed at her, annoyed by this distraction from my own morning routine and then took her to her room where we found her a dress that was fancy enough to suit her vanity but soft enough not to scratch her delicate skin.

It’s a constant balancing act; all of it.

How much am I feeding into her sense of independence while not giving in to unreasonable requests?

Am I babying her too much? Does she really need all the help I give her or does she just want it and it’s easier for me to give it to her?

When I get angry or frustrated, is it even reasonable? I mean, she’s a kid. More than that, she’s a kid with special needs.

But then I step back and I know…I KNOW how much Olivia can do. I know how smart and capable she is. I also know that she’s immature so sometimes I just remind myself that while she’s nine years old, emotionally, she’s between six and seven years old.

But how much am I holding her back? How much more can she do if I just stop doing for her?

I’m not looking for answers here. This is just a vent and a reminder to myself that I really am lucky. This girl is a blessing. She’s as much a source of joy and pride as she is of frustration and annoyance.

Oh, that’s right, she’s a kid and like all kids she makes her mother crazy even as she’s makes my heart swell with love.

In the end, I know that I’m doing my best and I truly believe she is too. We’ll continue to stumble and we’ll giggle over the silliness that is life and love and learning.

And it will be okay.

Gender Expectations

So I took a vacation day last week to take Alyssa to a mid-day orthodontist appointment.

I have a spouse who works from home.

Let that sink in.

I work outside the home. I have a place I have to do every single day, Monday through Friday, from 8am to 4:30pm and my spouse works at home, no timecards to fill out, no boss to check in with, no limited vacation days to schedule.

I will say that I wanted to be at that appointment. I wanted to be there for Alyssa. But I work about six blocks from the orthodontist’s office. I could have met A and T there, spend the thirteen minutes they spent on her teeth with her and then come back to work, having missed all of forty-five minutes.

Instead I missed an entire day.

My spouse, whom I do love very much, never once suggested that I not take the day off work. He never suggested that he bring her to town and then take her to school.

I truly believe that if our genders were reversed, there is no way in hell the husband would have been expected to take an entire day off work to take a child to an appointment of any kind.

Just saying.

I actually have no point here, just putting this out there because, well, I feel like it needs to be said.

I’m not really even bitching about my husband so much as saying that I think the expectations on mothers/wives today are still outrageous and outdated.

Single Parents

Last week Alyssa had to go to be at the school at 6:45 in order to sing with the junior high choir. They were singing the national anthem at the girls high school basketball game.

Awesome, right? Yes, absolutely awesome.

Except, even though I had to have her there by 6:45, she didn’t actually sing until 7:20, which meant we left home at 6:30 and returned home around 7:35.

Thankfully, Tom was more than willing (ha!) stay at home with Olivia so I didn’t have to drag her out in the cold dark for something that lasted all of two minutes but that we waited to even start for over a half hour.

I saw so many little kids at the school that night. Their older siblings were either playing sports or singing like Alyssa.

Some of the kids were having a blast, running around, laughing, eating junk from the concession stand.

But I also saw quite a few kids who were very obviously miserable. They were tired, cranky and ready to go home. And yet…they couldn’t because their older sibling was still busy.

I wondered if the parents who had to bring littler kids were single parents. Of course, it’s possible that both parents just wanted to see the older child perform/play but my mind went directly to the idea that the kids were there with their single mom/dad and so the parent had no choice but to bring little Jadon to the game so he could watch Madison play because there was no one at home to take care of him.

And I had all kinds of respect for that parent. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to do it on their own. And yet there they were, supporting their older kid, buying the younger kid some popcorn in hopes of helping him/her make it just another half hour.

I can imagine how much easier it would be to tell the older kid, “No, you can’t play that sport/sing in the choir/play in the band/do the school play/whatever extracurricular thing they wanted to do because I don’t have anyone to take care of your younger sibling(s) and it’s just too much to bring them to every event.”

Or even just take the older sibling to the event, drop them off, go home with the littler kid(s) and then go pick the big kid up when the game/concert/meet/whatever is over.

Single parents deserve all the kudos for what they do.

I’m tired all the dang time and I have a spouse at home who helps a lot with parenting and housekeeping and just being there to share a look when both kids are whining and everyone is tired and hungry.

Doing it alone is the work of a superhero.

Always Right

Alyssa has this idea that I am always right.

I’ve tried to explain to her that I’m not actually always right, it’s just that I don’t bother to argue about something unless I know I’m right.

Which means, that when I argue (debate? Discuss?) something with someone, I do so with the knowledge that I will be able to prove myself right.

I don’t argue opinions because those can’t be proven.

But when she said that Haymitch was the one who told President Coin and the dude played by the late and great Philip Seymour Hoffman to wash Katniss’s face because she was still a girl and the makeup made her look thirty, I knew she was wrong.

And I knew I could prove her wrong by showing her the scene and proving that Haymitch did not say that line, it was, in fact said by the soldier who ended up being one of Katniss’s greatest supporters.

I am a freak when it comes to movie details and…I read the book. Haymitch didn’t say it in the book either.

But anyway, when my step-dad informed me last week that O+ is the universal donor when it comes to blood, I knew he was wrong. I also knew that a quick google search would prove it.

So I argued, gently, that O- was actually the universal donor.

He tried to tell me that while I might be right NOW, as in, these days, but O+ USED to be the universal donor.

But no, I replied gently. Science doesn’t change. O+ has never been able to be given to people with a negative Rh factor. Those with a positive Rh factor can receive negative blood but the reverse is not true.

I don’t think he believed me even after ten minutes of discussion.

Alyssa finally told him, “Pawp, you can’t argue with her. She’s always right.”

I think he was annoyed with me for even trying to explain my rightness but…when I know I’m right, I will defend my facts.

I can’t help it. I can't let someone sit there and spout incorrect information for others to absorb. I just can't.

Age? Spoiled? 5p- Syndrome?

I wonder what to blame for Olivia’s recent spate of irritability. Is it her age? I mean, she’s nine, has anyone ever heard of the terrible nines?

Could be that she’s spoiled rotten, being the baby and all and having special needs and we’ve created a monster that we now have to deal with?

Can we blame 5p- syndrome? Do most kids with the syndrome act out on occasion, refusing to finish breakfast, defiantly laughing when a parent threatens punishment?

Who knows?

What I do know is that she’s being difficult and we’re all suffering for it.

We’re trying to be very consistent with our expectations of Olivia. There are certain things that we simply can’t expect her to do but those are few and far between. There are so many things we can expect her to do, like putting on her socks while I untie her shoes. Like using the bathroom and washing her hands without being told or picking up her book or toy and putting it where it belongs.

We try to expect her to do the same things we expected from Alyssa at her age. It’s not always easy. Not only does she have a rare chromosomal disorder, she’s also our baby and this girl is VERY easy to baby. She’s sweet, she’s cute and yes, she’s manipulative with that sweetness and that cuteness. She knows she’s the baby and she capitalizes on that fact.

I do think she needs more sleep these days. She’s sleeping great once she goes to sleep but she isn’t going to sleep at early as I’d like. We need to work on this and I think this weekend will be a good time to do that.

Thankfully, school doesn’t seem to be as challenging at home these days. I suppose if I had to choose, I’d pick home to be where she’s acting out even if it does make more work for Tom and me. I mean, her teachers are awesome; I don’t want to make their jobs any more difficult than they already are, you know, what with being underpaid and over worked as almost all teachers are.

So that’s where we are today. Still struggling here and there but also still having lots of laughs and fun around the Ordinary household.

Well, That Didn't Go As Planned

So the go to be early experiment of last night was a crushing disaster. She didn’t fall asleep until after 9:00.

Wanna know why?

Because Lyssie wasn’t up there with us. As we’ve established, Olivia is a creature of habit. She likes to have things scheduled and planned and just so. She also likes things to be consistent.

So it didn’t work for her for me to go up with her and lay down while she fell asleep. Her sister was missing. She wasn’t in the top bunk to Olivia’s bottom bunk. O just couldn’t settle when she didn’t know where her sister was.

But really, it’s not fair to Alyssa to have to go to bed at 8:00 just because her sister can’t fall asleep without her in the room. So we’ll work through this one too.

We’re going to try again tonight, though we’re pushing it back to 8:30 in hopes of catching O at just the right sleepy time.

Alyssa was frustrated last night too. See, she enjoys sitting beside me on the couch after Olivia’s asleep and just, well , being together.

She didn’t get that last night and she was understandably grumpy about it. As I was braiding her hair, Alyssa grouched, “Why can’t you just tuck her in and leave when it’s time for her to go to bed?”

Ha! She’s heard me grouch about that very thing.

I told her, “Because I never taught her to do that. I never did that with you either, you know.”

She begrudgingly admitted that she did know that.

I continued, “I hope when you’re a mom, if you choose to be a mom, that your kids are excellent sleepers, that you teach them from the start to fall asleep on their own, to sleep in their own beds, to go back to sleep on their own if they wake up at night. I hope, basically, that you’re a better mom than I am.”

She sighed. “You’re not a bad mom for not teaching us to sleep alone.”

“I know,” I told her. “I’m just as tired as you are of being tied to a routine but I know that works for you and for Livie. It’s one night, Sweets. We can snuggle on the couch tomorrow during The Middle.”

At that point, Olivia had gotten out of bed to come find us and Alyssa growled at her, “Go to sleep!”

I hissed at Alyssa, “Be nice. We’re all going to go to sleep now.”

And once all her dear ones were where they were supposed to be, Olivia (and Alyssa and I) did just that. We went to sleep and slept all night long. It was lovely.