Haunted

That photo I posted of the girls earlier this week haunts me.

Not only does Alyssa look about twelve years old in that picture, she looks (to me) so sad. I see her holding her baby sister so protectively and wonder, "What are they afraid of?"

Now, I'm pretty sure that's just how Alyssa looks at cameras. She's suspicious of anyone who wants to take her picture and she can be a little stand-offish if it wasn't her idea to bring out the camera.

But she's had a few night terrors in the past year or so that scare me so much. She's using pointing at something I can't see, telling me it's trying to get her. Or she just cries and cries, like her heart is breaking.

Like every other mother out there, I want to protect my children from pain. While I know this is impossible, I want to make their lives as safe and happy as possible. Again, like every other parent out there.

Alyssa never remembers her dreams/terrors the next morning. She just laughs and goes about her day.

I've talked to her, subtly, reminding her that she can tell me anything, at any time. She always smiles and says, "I know."

I also tell her constantly that I love her, always, no matter what.

I don't know. I think parents worry no matter what, we can't help it. It's ingrained in our very DNA.

It's probably how our species has survived the eons.