I Need to Shut Up

Sometimes (most of the time?) I talk to much.

Sometimes I just wish I could shut up.

But there is so much going on in my head, so many conversations, so many recriminations, so much internal dialogue that I can’t stop it from spewing from my mouth like verbal vomit.

It’s annoying, even to me. I can’t imagine how irritating it must be to those around me.

I used to say things like, “I’ll shut up now.” I’d say this to boyfriends and friends alike. I was so desperately hoping they’d reply with something lovely like, “No, I like listening to you.”

Alas, no one ever actually said that.

But to be honest, I don’t blame them. I mean, how annoying is it that I said that? I’m annoyed at my younger (like, I was younger yesterday, right?) self for saying it.

Was I really so desperate for validation that I said something like that?

Yes. Yes, I was.

I still am.

I’m not proud of that, but there you go.