Unapologetic

The night we brought Alyssa home from the hospital, I couldn't put her in her crib to sleep. I just couldn't. She was so tiny, so fragile. I couldn't leave her alone in there.

So I snuggled her up against me, in the crook of my arm, where I could reach out and make sure she was breathing all night long.

That night, Tom warned me that if I let her sleep with us even that one night, she'd bee in our bed until she was four years old.

She was in our bed until she was six.

Olivia's first few months home were spent in a bassinet. She came home on a monitor to ensure her heart rate/breathing didn't go below a set rate and so it wasn't safe for her to be in bed with me.

She came off that monitor at four months and stayed in the bassinet for a few more months and then moved to the crib.

Alyssa was still in my bed at this time.

When Olivia was about a year old, she went through a horrible sleep stage and at that point, in an effort to get at much sleep as possible, I brought her to bed with me.

And...she's still there.

Over the years I've bitched and moaned about having to share a bed with my kids. And yes, there are parts of sleeping with them that aren't ideal.

But part of the reason I focus so much on the negatives is because I think I'm supposed to do that. I feel like I'm expected to hate having either of them in my bed. So I talk about those things.

I don't talk so much about how lovely it is to snuggled up to a soft, warm four year old every single night, to have her roll into my and sigh as she feels my hand on her hair.

The benefit of not actually having to get out of bed to soothe her if she happens to wake up is priceless. She doesn't wake up often anymore, but when it does happen, I love being able to just roll over, wrap my arm around her and know she'll go right back to sleep.

I work with several people who are very judgmental about sleep issues. I smile at that because of one of the most judgmental doesn't even have kids of her own but she's very quick to offer advice on any parenting issue anyone might have.

And so I skim over the reasons I'm not in that big a hurry to rush Olivia into her own bed and just say, "Yeah, she's a kicker."

Neither of my kids are going to go off to college and need me to go with them so they can sleep through the night.

Alyssa is consistently in her own bed these days. Sure, sure, her bed is about two feet from my bed, but...we're alone in our house a lot right now, and I'm not comfortable enough with the new house, new neighborhood to have them separated from me when Tom's not there. So I keep them close.

And I do not believe that I'm stunting their social/mental/emotional growth even a little. I think they know I'm here for them, day and night, always and forever. And I think, for my kids, that's important.

So we are unapologetic co-sleepers. Yes...I've said it. Finally.