So Much Better

Somehow in the past month or so, I’ve come to a place of acceptance. I’ve grown more comfortable in my own skin.

Just this morning, Olivia announced to everyone in the bathroom, “Mom, you have big bosoms.”

Why yes, I do have to shower and dress with an audience. Doesn’t every mother?

I just smiled and thanked her for noticing.

She wasn’t done, though. She also noted, “You have a big belly too.”

Again, thank you for noticing and letting me know, just in case I wasn’t aware.

Which I am, by the way. I know how big my bosom and belly are. But you know what? I’m not all that worried about it these days. Yes, I hate being heavy but I also know what needs to be done to fix it and if I’m not at a point where I can do the things that need to be done, well, so be it.

And let me tell you…this acceptance, this self-forgiveness? It’s gone a long way toward making me a better mother and wife. I don’t take every single thing Tom says and analyze the shit out of it. I don’t wonder why he said something with just the exact words he did. I don’t wonder about any hidden meanings. I figure if he has something to say, he’ll say it. He’s a guy. They usually don’t hint around.

My mothering has come so far in such a short time. Yes, I still get irritable. I still get grouchy. But when it happens, I apologize, I hug the girls and I let it go. I’m grateful that they do too.

My patience seems to be stronger and lasts longer.

You know the old saying, “If mama isn’t happy, no one is happy.” I think it’s very, very true. I’m grateful that these days I’m pretty happy which makes my entire family happy. I’m still learning that my own happiness starts with me but I’m getting there and that’s all I can ask of myself.