Respect

I have quite a few friends, family, acquaintances who have children who have come out in the last few years as transgender.

And can I take a moment to say how freaking proud I am of this generation of parents who have done such an amazing job of creating a safe, loving space where their children feel comfortable being their true selves without fear of being kicked out of their home or treated badly? I am just verklempt over the whole thing.

Anyway!

Speaking of safe, loving spaces, my mom had us all over for Easter dinner this year. It was lovely. We started out on her deck but the sun, that brilliant ball of fire, was quite intense and so we ended up taking it into the kitchen.

In the course of conversation, my brother mentioned that the daughter of one of our step-cousins has come out as transgender.

I could tell by my brother’s tone that he was disgusted by this. I sat and listened as he talked about the person who used to be called Eva has asked to be called Bailey. Bailey has cut their hair very short and wears masculine clothing.

Finally, when my mom and I didn’t seem to be reciprocating his angst over Bailey’s requests, J said, “I just don’t understand it.”

I took that moment to gently say to him, “Well, you don’t have to understand it to respect it.”

He looked a little surprised but let it set in and replied, “True.”

I explained, “Just because you don’t understand it, that doesn’t mean their need to define who they by their own standards rather than by society’s standards isn’t important. Respecting the name they’ve chosen for themselves and using the pronouns they ask you to use is important because it shows that you respect their autonomy, their right to be who they really are. I’m glad Bailey’s dad is being so awesome about that.”

My brother didn’t have much more to say after that and honestly, I’m glad. I didn’t want to fight with him but this wasn’t something I was willing to just let go while he sat there and spouted off. Maybe I’ve given him something to think about.

I hope, for his sons’ sakes that they’re both CIS because honestly, I’m not sure how accepting that household will be if they’re not. It breaks my heart because for all the celebrating I’ve done in the paragraphs above about this generation’s parents, well, obviously, there are throwbacks still among us.