A Dentist - The Backstory

Okay, I feel like I owe you a little background on our decision to switch dentists.

A thousand years ago, when I lived in Chicago, I had a dentist I loved. This dentist worked out of the lobby of an apartment building. Her office was very small. She was her own receptionist, hygienist and obviously, dentist. She was on the young side, probably early 30s and was just starting out. She was so kind. I went to her in humiliation because I hadn’t seen a dentist in over ten years.

At my first appointment, she could sense my shame and told me to let it go. She said something along the lines of, “You’re here now. Don’t worry about the last ten year, think about the next ten.”

I loved her so much. She did so much work to my teeth and I don’t remember any sort of trauma involved.

Speaking of dental trauma: I saw the dentist a lot as a child. I had HORRIBLE baby teeth. They were just nasty. AND, because the universe can be cruel, I didn’t even lose my stupid, awful baby teeth until was eight and older. I was in second grade when I lost my first baby tooth. I remember being pissed about that.

So, this dentist fixed my teeth as well as she could and sent me to an orthodontist, which did wonders for my confidence.

When I moved out of Chicago, I saw my dentist for one last cleaning and she got my new address. Six months later, she sent me a post card asking if I’d found a new dentist because it was time for my next cleaning.

I picked a dentist that was close to my new job and started seeing him. He was fine. Dr. I was very gentle and I like the hygienist, Stephanie, who cleaned my teeth.

This was a comfortable situation that lasted about 18 years. I was happy enough with Dr. I’s care that I took Alyssa to see him when we moved to our current home. Olivia sees a pediatric dentist in Fort Wayne. They’re awesome in their own way.

One day, though, I showed up for my cleaning and found that Dr. I had sold his practice. There was a new dentist in town, Dr. H.

Dr. H could not have been more different from Dr. I. Dr. I was calm, quiet, gentle. He spoke barely above a whisper and was very aware of every move a patient made as he drilled away at her teeth.

Dr. H is loud, brash, aggressive in his treatment. I mean, okay, so he isn’t unaware of every flinch and is quick to offer another shot if you seem to be in pain but he was just so different from Dr. I.

And, get this, neither Dr. I nor Dr. H gave the staff at the practice any heads that the practice was changing hands.

Example, a couple of years ago, the dentist at the practice where I take Olivia decided to retire. Dr. Olinger was a well-respected pediatric dentist in the area. He is the first doctor of any kind to research Olivia’s syndrome before he met her. When he decided to retire, he brought in Dr. Ludwig and had him work in the office with Dr. Olinger for over six months before handing the practice over to him. This gave all the patients a chance to meet him and gave the staff a chance to get to know Dr. Ludwig too.

It felt like both Drs. I and H had gone about the changg-over in a sneaky, underhanded way.

I mean, what do I know? All I know is that the hygienists were surprised by the selling of the practice and the patients had no clue until their next appointment. It was just weird.

And it left a bad taste in my mouth. Well, that and the fact that Dr. H tried to charge all the patients who’d been at the practice for, well, ever, a new patient charge.

Hello! We’re not the new people here, Dude. Maybe we should be charging you a new doctor fee! I mean, he had everyone’s records, what the hell was he charging for, the meet and greet?

No.

And yet…I stayed for almost two years because I’m a creature of habit and I hate change. I stayed because I was loyal to Stephanie. I stayed because of inertia.

I stayed until I didn’t stay. I finally decided I was done. The last real issue I had was that tooth going bad back in January. I paid $96 for a five minute appointment during which he told me I needed a root canal and he referred me to an endodontist. I paid over $1300 for the root canal and then I paid over $1400 for Dr. H to crown the tooth that had had the root canal.

I just couldn’t any more.

So I made the appointment with New Dentist for a cleaning.

I paid $59 for a comprehensive exam and cleaning. That was the new patient coupon cost. I know that the next cleaning probably won’t be that inexpensive but you know what? That’s fine because I feel like I chose this guy. I chose to go to his practice and work with him and his staff. I wasn’t foisted off on him by the last guy. I wasn’t part of a buyout. I made a choice and for now, I’m happy with it. And if it ever gets to the point where I’m not? I’ll find another New Dentist and go from there.

I feel so empowered over here right now. It’s a good feeling.

Flying High

At her last dental cleaning, Alyssa was informed that she needed a couple of fillings. The dentist told her they were very small cavities and that filling them now would keep her from needing extensive work later.

Well, guess what? I wasn’t so happy with our dentist at the time and so…I switched dentists. I know! Go me, advocating for myself and my family. I mean, we’re the consumers here. If we’re not clicking with our current provider, it is within our rights to find a practice we do feel comfortable with.

Yes, I am justifying the switch. Sue me. I’m a work in progress.

I was due for a cleaning and had canceled my last one at the dentist with whom I wasn’t happy because I got a really bad cold and didn’t want to expose them. Then I just … didn’t reschedule.

Don’t worry. I was only three weeks overdue for my cleaning once it happened at the new dentist.

And guess what? I didn’t need any work. And the hygienist who cleaned my teeth was awesome. I know so much about her and her son and her ex-husband I feel like we’ve been friends forever, even though I’m twenty years older than she is and she could totally be my daughter if I’d had a child at twenty.

Ahem.

So since I was so happy with the service I received at my cleaning, I scheduled a consult with this new dentist for Alyssa. I couldn’t get old dentist’s office to send her most recent x-rays because they closed for like twenty seven million days between my appointment and Lyss’s consult.

So we went in x-ray-less.

It didn’t matter. I had the estimate, which told New Dentist what Old Dentist was going to do. New Dentist looked in Lyss’s mouth and agreed that those teeth should be filled. Then he offered to fill them right then and there.

Considering Alyssa’s schedule and her stress level with appointment and meets and practices and homework and Arby’s work, well, we took him up on the offer. Of course, let’s be honest here and say he wasn’t doing this out of the kindness of his heart. No, he was making about $450 off this little twenty minute appointment. So.

I was back in the room where they were examining her. I thought they’d remove me before they started the work but they didn’t. I got to stick around while New Dentist asked Lyss if she wanted to try and have the fillings done without numbing.

WHAT THE HELL!?! Seriously?

Then he asked her if she’d ever had nitrous oxide. She looked me and I replied, “No, she’s never had that.”

He asked her if she wanted to. Again, she looked at me. I told her that if she was going to go without numbing, then yes, she wanted the nitrous oxide.

Guys, I have NEVER had flings without numbing. Hell, I have to have EXTRA numbing each time I get work done. It’s awful all the way around.

I sat there while they set everything up. The put the nitrous mask over Lyss’s nose. She laid there breathing while they continued to make their preparations for her fillings.

The dentist asked her how she was feeling.

She gave a smile and said, “I feel cozy.”

He gave me a look that said, “Oh yeah, this is working almost too well.”

Then he went to work. She said she never felt a thing. She said she thought he was just cleaning her teeth.

She swears she was hearing the conversation the dentist and I were having before we even spoke.

After it was all over, she asked me in awe, “Does anyone ever steal those canisters just to get high?”

Probably.

She said she felt like she was spinning the entire time. Each time the dentist would stop and do something else, she’d start spinning the other direction.

High Lyss is a silly Lyss. I was glad Tom had driving her to me that afternoon so she didn’t have to drive herself home. Not only would it have been unsafe for her to drive, having her with me was just fun.

As we were walking out of New Dentist’s office, Alyssa declared, “We need to come back to this place.”

I guess we’ve found a new home for our dental needs. For what it’s worth, Old Dentist Never offered nitrous. Jerk.

Numb

At my most recent dental cleaning I was told I needed four fillings.

Thank you so much, chemo for the dry mouth that has led to, at most recent count, eleven cavities in two years. Yikes.

And let me tell you, I feel like every subsequent session in which I get fillings is worse than the last. I have to talk myself through these appointments, telling myself not to be such a baby, to suck it up. I remind myself that the drilling, numbness, pain isn’t going to last forever. Nothing lasts forever so grow up and deal.

I only almost cried twice during this latest appointment. Well, wait, I only almost cried once and then, on the drive home, after the appointment, during which I was numb from ear to ear and was having actual trouble swallowing because of my enormous numb tongue in my mouth, I almost cried then too.

But it wasn’t the pain or fear of pain that almost made me cry during the actual appointment. I almost cried when the woman giving me the shots to numb my mouth told me that the worst was over.

I told her that wasn’t actually true because the shots didn’t bother me nearly as much as the drilling and grinding. The smell was awful and the sound of the drill is horrible and the sensation of pressure on my teeth makes me crawl out of my skin. She patted my shoulder and said, “Well, after what you’ve been through, this should be a piece of cake.”

Don’t be nice to me! That’s what makes me cry, damn it.

I haven’t been through any more than anyone else who’d had a major medical issue. Don’t give me more credit than I deserve.

On the way home, I thought about getting there and finding Liv and Tom in their usual places, her on the couch with her tablet and him at the computer. I imagined asking him if Olivia had eaten dinner yet (I wouldn’t be home until after six at this point.) and I imagined him saying she hadn’t and the thought crushed me.

I just couldn’t handle the thought of getting home, helping her with homework AND having to get her dinner around.

At that point, I still couldn’t talk because my entire mouth was numb. I still had to work hard to swallow and yet the coming dull ache was there, right behind the numbness.

But, look at me being all unnecessarily pessimistic. When I got home, Tom and Olivia were at the kitchen table, working on her homework. He looked frazzled and she looked like her usual cheerful self. So that’s a good thing.

I walked in and Tom could tell by looking at me that I was not well.

He told me to go sit down. I shook my head and managed to mumble that I could help with homework. I could read the questions, find the answers and point to them for her to write them down.

We were done forty-five minutes after I got home.

I was still numb even after O was done with her homework.

Tom, bless his soul, heated up dinner for her, which made me entire freaking year, and I settled on the couch where I felt sorry for myself for the rest of the evening.

After this particular filling session, I felt more abused than usual. Apparently, I had some bleeding on the right top part of my mouth.

The dentist put pressure on it. The assistant (What is her actual title? She helps while he’s drilling and she prepares and puts in the fillings…) put pressure on my gums. She said that it’s normal, my gums were just angry. She suggested warm salt water for the next few days.

These sessions just keep getting worse.

I know. I KNOW that if this is the only lasting effect I have from chemo that I’m lucky but it sucks so much. It hurts, it’s inconvenient and it’s expensive. These four fillings cost over $900. That’s ridiculous.

Sure, the feeling came back to my toes. Yes, my hair grew back. I’m grateful for all of that.

And do I have to say that I’m glad to be alive? Duh.

But can the dry mouth go away now? Can I not have to have any more fillings for the foreseeable future?

Please?

Filtered

There was recently a filter on Snapchat that made a person’s eyes huge, their mouth small, their nose basically non-existent, you get the gist. Pretty standard for Snapchat filters.

Except this one make it look like the person was crying.

I loved it.

It lasted one day.

I took several pictures with it.

One picture was just before I went in to have my teeth filled.

I loved how the picture captured how I really felt without me actually having to cry.

I know that’s weird.

Alyssa said the picture I sent her using that filter made her sad.

Well, uh, I think that was the point.

See, I’m kind of sad this week.

But I don’t usually cry about my sadness.

I almost cried the evening after my fillings were put in. The numbness wore off and my teeth hurt. There was a constant low-level ache but there were also these shooting pains through my teeth where they’d been filled. It was most unpleasant, I must say.

The areas where I’d been given shots of anesthesia also hurt.

The next day, the pangs of pain were gone, but the ache was still there.

I needed that crying filter again.

Alas, it was gone.

I might just have to cry over that. Maybe I’ll manage to get a picture.

Open Wide

I had a dental cleaning last week. My teeth are, well, they’re fine, except when they’re not.

I was told at the cleaning that I needed fillings in two bottom teeth. The teeth are next to each other, the cavities were actually touching each other.

I know, gross.

I have a long history with bad teeth. My baby teeth were pretty much rotting out of my head. I blame uninformed parents who put Pepsi in my bottle when I was a baby. Again, GROSS!

My adult teeth aren’t quite that bad but I do confess that from about 16 until my mid-twenties, I did not see a dentist…ever.

When I was thirteen and a dentist told my dad that if he wanted me to be ‘pretty’ he could pay for braces but that would be the only reason to recommend orthodontic care at that point.

Do I need to tell you that my dad did not think I needed to be pretty?

But I digress.

When I started working in Chicago, my job offered excellent dental insurance and so I schlumped into a dentist’s office, all ashamed that I hadn’t had so much as a cleaning in about ten years. (Side note: I miss that excellent dental insurance. I no longer have dental insurance at all. The company for which I work will reimburse any employee who has company sponsored insurance up to $1000 a year for cleanings and work. That’s $1000 for the entire family, by the way. Guess who has already maxed out that little reimbursement plan?)

The dentist in Chicago was lovely. She was so kind and gentle and told me that shame was not necessary, that the last ten years no longer mattered because I was there and ready to get my teeth into shape.

It took some work, let me tell you. Several fillings and a crown later and I was referred to an orthodontist because apparently, orthodontic care is not just cosmetic. My teeth were so screwed up that I wasn’t keeping the backs of my top teeth clean with mere brushing.

Braces fixed that and my bite and here we are. I am proud to say that I haven’t missed a cleaning in all the years since I first started seeing my lovely dentists in Chicago. Yes, I still consider her MY dentist even though I haven’t seen her in almost twenty year.

When you start chemotherapy, they tell you that dry mouth might be a side effect. But they don’t tell you that cavities are a side effect of the dry mouth.

In the seventeen months since I finished chemo, I’ve had to get eight cavities filled.

EIGHT.

The first five, six months ago, were on the backs of three of my top front teeth. Yikes.

So I went in about five days after the cleaning to have those two cavities filled and hey, what do you know? The dentist, who wasn’t at the cleaning (he’d brought in a substitute dentist) last week, had come back and reviewed my x-rays and decided that not only did I need the cavities on the bottom left teeth filled but would you look at that, I needed a filling on a tooth on the top left too.

Whee!!! Let the games begin.

I hate fillings.

Who doesn’t, right?

I’m grown up, though. I can usually get through just about anything unpleasant because I can tell myself that it isn’t going to last forever.

This time, though, after the topical numbing and the shots, the dentist settled in with his drill and nope, I was still feeling that. Could we do something about the sensation of pain? That’d be great.

So he gave me another shot on the bottom and then started in on the top.

I clenched my fists and repeated silently, “It won’t last forever. It can’t last forever.”

I think tears actually trickled out the corners of my eyes.

At one point, the dentist took a little break from the drilling and grinding and pushing in my mouth and I was able to breath for a minute. My heart was racing and I was shaking.

I’ve never had that reaction before. It was awful.

I did get myself under control without having to leave the chair or even sit up but damn.

I feel for those who have panic attacks because this was a terrible feeling.

They finished up and I was released from the chair.

I got back to work about 12:30 and by 3:30, the bottom left of my mouth was still numb. But that Mexican pizza I got from Taco Bell at 12:25 was still delicious when I stuffed it in my numb face at 3:35, just managing to avoid chomping down on the inside of my left cheek.

My next cleaning is in February. Let’s see how many fillings I’ll need then. On the bright side, the $1000 reimbursement plan will have started over by then. Wonder how fast I can go through it in 2020.