An Ordinary Reunion

As always (except in 2020, which, how many times have we all said that in the past year?) we attended the Ordinary family reunion. This year was the 95th Annual Ordinary Reunion. Last year would have been the 95th, had we had the reunion last year.

Alas, Covid.

Anyway! Things are getting better, people are vaccinated, and we gathered, hugged and probably passed all kinds of germs back and forth. Olivia and I both have some sort of cold, so take that for what’s it’s worth.

The reunion is A Thing to Tom’s family. I mean, it’s fine and fun and I’m glad it’s just once a year. But the Ordinarys take it pretty seriously. They have a committee and everything. For several years (like…seven? Twelve? I don’t even know.) Tom was the president of the reunion committee. His youngest sister is the hospitality crew. Okay, she’s not the entire crew. That would be weird. No, her husband (who once ‘not all men’d me on FB and I almost unfriended him but instead just unfollowed and all is well because of that) is the rest of her crew.

Tom’s other sister, the one with terminal cancer, is the secretary of the reunion committee. Her daughter is the treasurer. At the reunion, L, the current secretary said we needed to vote in a new secretary because she might not be at the next reunion. Sigh. I mean, talk about sad thoughts.

But the reunion must go on and so names were tossed around. L tried to suggest I take on the secretarial role.

I meekly declined, saying softly that I thought that perhaps the job should go to someone who had not married into the Ordinary family. I mean, hell, I’ll use any excuse I can to get out of it.

One of the oldest Ordinary sisters suggested another woman, and that woman declared, “I’m very unreliable.”

And that, folks, is going to be my new go to when someone asks me to do something I don’t want to do. I will simply state, “I’m very unreliable.”

And I will leave it at that. No further explanations necessary.

Okay, unreliable lady did further explain that she suffers from chronic pain and so spends about 18 hours in bed. Which is sad and I’m sorry for her. But I kind of wish she’d just left it at, “I’m very unreliable.”

The treasurer ended up taking the job of secretary, which is very big of her. I’m proud of her as she navigates the world right now. I mean, she lost her wife last August, her mom is currently considered terminal, life just kind of sucks and she’s keeping her head up and trying to find joy in the world. We should all be more like her instead of bitching about corn on the cob.

Late that evening I asked Tom what all the secretary has to do because he was talking about how the treasurer doesn’t actually have a lot of responsibility except, you know, money, which?!?

The secretary’s responsibilities are: -Take notes during the reunion meeting (have I mentioned that after everyone eats, they (we) all sit around and everyone shares what’s happened in their family over the previous year. Yeah, so taking notes during that would be fun, right? -Keep a book of addresses each year, passing around a notebook for everyone to sign in and write down if their address or phone number has changed. Sure, that’s great fun too, nagging everyone to sign the book, since people are awful about that kind of thing. -Reserve the pavilion in which the reunion is held. You know how much I love calling people and doing shit like that? Yeah, not at all, right? -Create the yearly letter that goes out sometime in late May or early June reminding everyone that the reunion is the second Sunday in July, like it has been for 95 years. -Mail out said letter to everyone in the address book you keep.

Yeah, I’m taking a hard pass at all of the above. I don’t do that for my family of origin, why would I do it for the family I married into? Just because I spawned a couple of Ordinarys doesn’t mean I want to take on the responsibility of them seeing their extended family every July. Nope. Leave that to the next generation, is what I suggested. I told Alyssa her time as president is coming.

She deadpanned, “I’m very unreliable.”

Milestones

There are big things happening around here but because it’s of a personal nature concerning one my children, I feel like I shouldn’t talk about it.

But it’s just so awesome that I want to shout it from the rooftops.

Except, I don’t think she’d want that.

On the other hand, that’s the only thing I can think about it because it’s such a big deal.

It’s one of those things that usually happens naturally around three or four but in our house, it took much longer.

I’m sorry to be vague and we all know that I’m a chronic over-sharer but this time, I don’t want to embarrass her.

I do think that the medicine Olivia is taking has helped move this situation along. She no longer needs the crutch she’d needed for so long. The anxiety she had over the idea of giving it up seems to be gone.

Sure, the first day was a little worrying for her but she let go of the worry so much faster than she would have a month ago when she wasn’t taking Lexapro.

In other news, my aunt died and my mom’s grief is currently manifesting itself as anger. So that’s super fun and it probably deserves a post of its own.

On the lighter side, Olivia has discovered the word anus. She thinks it’s the best word ever and uses it every chance she gets…better than butthole? You be the judge.

Best Compliment Ever

The other day, Alyssa told me that her girlfriend, N, said that I am the soccer mom for gay kids. She was referring to my black t-shirt that has the rainbow freedom flag on it as well as the rainbow shoes I sometimes wear.

I was flattered, to say the least.

But honestly, it's a fine balance for me. I don't want to make Alyssa's life about me. I want to be a support to her, an ally as she travels this journey called life.

I want her to know that I support her, that I want her to be happy, loved and safe.

We had a bit of a...struggle the other day. She didn't want to go away with me and Liv and my mom for a couple of days to visit an aunt of mine. See, this aunt had made some pretty awful statements about homosexuality a couple of visits ago. I'd tried hard to gently steer my aunt away from her horrible bias and at the time Alyssa said she was fine.

But this time, on the eve of our leaving for the visit (the aunt lives on a lake, so we stay in an apartment attached to her house and swim for days) Alyssa declared she was uncomfortable with staying with this aunt. She was worried that Auntie would make another horrible comment (she didn't) and she said that if Auntie knew about N, Alyssa was worried that it would change Auntie's feelings/thoughts toward her (Alyssa).

I wanted Alyssa to go but I also didn't want to force her into a situation where she was uncomfortable or felt attached, even unintentionally.

It was a tough few hours. There were tears.

In the end, it was revealed that Lyss wasn't so much against going to Auntie's house, she just didn't want to go for three days and nights. We compromised, and went for two days and nights. She was happy, I got to spend time with her and Auntie behaved herself.

At one point during the discussion, though, I told Lyss that I kind of thought that if Auntie knew about N, it might actually go further in changing Auntie's mind about homosexuality rather than changing her feelings about Alyssa. I told her that Auntie loves her and I don't think finding out she has a girlfriend could change that.

I followed that statement up with something along the lines of, "I am not suggesting that it is your place to change the world or even our small part of it. I am not asking you to come out more than you are ready. I want you to do that at your own pace. I want you to feel safe in your world, whatever that takes. If Auntie says something, I need to know how much you want me to defend both you and the ideal of bisexuality and homosexuality. I want to honor your feelings, your story, your place in this world."

We hugged it out and all is well again in the Ordinary world...for now. :-)

It Was a Good Run

Someone else finally offered to take over the office of president of my husband’s family reunion committee. Tom’s been president for at least eight years and it felt like a LONG eight years. Just saying.

See, when he was president, that made me the ‘first lady.’

Trust me it’s not nearly as glamourous as it sounds. Basically, it meant that I had to go shopping at the dollar store (we have several in the area, some don’t actually only charge a dollar for everything in the store. It also meant that I felt (self-inflicted for sure) pressure to take more food choices than anyone else and I also felt like I needed to be creative in my food choices. Last year I made Rice Krispie treats that looked like watermelon slices. They were adorable but they were also more work than Rice Krispy treats should be.

It was a good run. I think Tom actually enjoyed his years of presidency. When he asked if there was anyone interested in taking over, on young (ish?) man asked, “What does the president do?”

Tom said, “Tell everyone else what to do.”

At that, the question asker was sold, a mock-vote was held and a new president took office.

We handed over the gift bags we’ve been using for a couple of years and Tom told the new president that he (Tom) will arrive at next year’s reunion early to help him (the new fearless leader) figure out what needs to be done and the whole exchange of office went smoothly.

And!! Next year I will make brownies with peanut butter M&Ms and green bean casserole. What? We’re in the freaking Midwest, it’s what we take to carry-ins.

On a more serious note, I think reunions are really for the older generation. The fellow that took over the presidency of the reunion committee is probably in his early thirties. I’m terrible with ages but that’s what I’m guessing. Last year was this guy’s first reunion in years. It was, sadly, his dad’s last. He father passed away in December.

The new president and his girlfriend are expecting their first child in September. And so the world turns. One generation dies and the next one is born. I think that the new president is feeling his own mortality a little bit from losing his father and expecting his son.

This is, obviously, speculation on my part but most of the attendees of this reunion each year are either very young or quite old. The very young are forced to come by their parents/grandparents and the very old come because, hey, they might not be around to do so next year. Those between the ages of, say 18 and 30 tend to be off living life and don’t have as much time or give as much thought to visiting with distant relatives once a year. But then they lose their parents and their babies are born and suddenly, family takes on a whole new meaning.

Out with the old (president) and in with the new! I wish the new first lady much luck.

Always Amazing

Yesterday was the second Sunday in July, which, duh, means that we attended Tom’s family reunion. It was the 91st reunion of Ezra and Elizabeth Ordinary’s descendants. Tom’s father was a grandson to Ezra and Elizabeth. So that makes Tom their great grandson and our girls are their great great granddaughters; kind of awesome when you think about it that way, huh?

Over the past few years, Tom’s older sisters have lamented that the kids at today’s reunions aren’t are involved at they were when they (the sisters) were involved. They reminisce fondly about the old days when the kids put on a talent show for the adult attendees.

This year, a couple of months ago, Tom suggested to Alyssa that she take her flute to the reunion. She rolled her eyes at him (have I mentioned she’s thirteen?) but then about a week later, I hear her practicing The Star Spangled Banner. She practiced on both her flute and on her piccolo.

As the weeks flew by, she practiced a little less because suddenly gymnastics were at the forefront of her mind. She’s been stretching her muscles instead of playing her flute.

But at the beginning of this week, Olivia reminded Lyss that the reunion was just a few days away.

Lyss asked Tom if he was serious about her playing at the reunion and this time, it was his turn to roll his eyes. “Of course I was serious,” he told her.

So with just a few days before the reunion, she started practicing again. This time, she only practiced on the flute. She explained, “Tiberius (the piccolo) is just so high pitched that every little mistake is very obvious.”

Ha! So she became acquainted with her flute all over again and remembered who much she loves it.

At the reunion yesterday, several people asked about the music stand that Tom carried from his van. He would smile and give a vague shrug.

Finally all the food was eaten, Tom had taken care of the business part of the reunion and one of his sisters piped up, “We need these kids to entertain us!”

Laughter filtered through the pavilion and Tom replied, “Funny you should mention that.”

He looked at Lyss, who opened her flute case, put her flute together and set up her music.

And the crowd went silent as she played the national anthem with nary a mistake to be heard.

The applause when she finished was huge. She couldn’t keep the smile off her face. Her confidence when she’s playing amazes me. I love to see her do something she knows she does well. I love that she’s so willing to practice hard to learn the music and then wants to perform for others so they can enjoy the fruits of her labors.

As she cleaned her flute and put it away, so many extended family members came up to her to thank her for playing and to tell her how well she’d done.

My shy girl, the one about whom it was noted when she went to kindergarten testing, “Will not speak.”

That very girl smiled at people who may be related even if somewhat distantly but are mostly strangers for the most part, and thanked them…with words.

Even the twelve year old son of a cousin (which, yes, makes him Lyss’s first cousin once removed but whatever) came up to her and said, “Wow, you just played high school music. That was great.”

Then he mentioned that he plays the tenor sax. I suggested he bring his sax next year and he kind of shrugged. I guess we’ll see.

For now I’m going to bask in my girl’s success. She’s always been amazing. This weekend she got to be amazing in front of more people than just me, her dad and her sister. That’s pretty cool.