Thursday, February 1, 2018


I've been quiet the past week or so...

Last week was tough physically. I felt pretty awful on Friday, my feet are numb off and on, which is annoying and worrying but not really that big a deal. By Sunday, I felt good enough to make potato soup and chili and on Monday I baked some cookies. So I'm trying here. I'm trying to contribute to my family and our household. But sometimes, I just want to sit in the recliner and snooze.

This week has been low emotionally. I feel like all my emotions are very close to the surface, as if I'm constantly near tears.

I haven't cried much since my diagnosis. I mean, why? What's the point? Sure, it's like a release of tension but in the end, we just have to keep on keeping on. But this week...I'm just kind of sad.

And yet I know I really don't have any reason to be. I'm so, so lucky. I know this. I'm fine. I'm getting through it all. I have an amazing support system and yet...there are tears in my eyes as I watch Maury tell some dude he is NOT the father.

It's so stupid.

I met a lovely woman today at my gynecologist. She was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer about a year ago. She's still got her port and going for treatments (hormone blockers) very three weeks. She had a double mastectomy and there was cancer in her lymph nodes. She was so kind and lovely to me. She was so sympathetic to what I'm going through and yet she went through and is STILL going through so much more. I felt like such a fraud for accepting her kindness and her support.

I should have been supporting her.

Here I am...I was diagnosed with a single tumor in just my left breast. It was removed and there was no other cancer anywhere else. My cancer was stage one. I am currently cancer free and over half way through my treatments. I'm not facing breast reconstructive surgery because I just had a lumpectomy. My eyebrows didn't fall out. I never threw up from the chemo.

I'm fine! Why don't I feel fine today?

Tomorrow will be better. It always is.

1 comment:

Julie said...

You are sad because you are human. And it's not the Pain Olympics! <3 I have pity parties for myself and I'm not even going through anything. I wish I was there to give you a big hug.