Dependence

I find it amusingly ironic that Tom and I had to move closer to my family in order to gain more independence from them. Well, okay, independence from my mom.

Not that she’s tried to maintain any control over our lives. I’ve just needed a lot of help from her over the past eight plus years.

In the beginning it was our commute that made me need as much help from my mom as she was willing to give. She not only babysat Alyssa for the first five months after I went back to work, Alyssa and I started staying at my mom’s house a night or two a week once Alyssa was in daycare.

When it became apparent that Olivia was going to need therapies, my mom retired and began caring for my girls full-time. That was over three years ago.

Once Alyssa started school, she couldn’t ride the bus so I dropped her off at school and my mom picked her up. This was our routine for two years.

Even last year, after we moved, my mom continued to pick Alyssa up from school for the first semester. Once she was riding the bus, she was picked up and dropped off at my mom’s house.

This year, though, there’s something different.

This year, Tom’s here. Full-time. We’re all in the same house every single day, every night for the first time in over eight years. It’s wonderful. It’s, well, it’s like coming home.

And now, we’ve taken a step toward being less dependent upon my mom. The route of the bus the girls ride to school goes by both our house and my mom’s. Which is nice because we have the girls get on the bus at home and then off at my mom’s house each day. This gives my mom her mornings back, lets me get the girls on the bus (with Tom’s help) and frees up his afternoons.

Next year, once Olivia is in school all day every day, we’ll probably have the girls get off at home. I’m excited for my mom to get her time back, her house, her freedom.

She’s always been amazing. So generous of her time, her space, her love. But I know that she’s ready for this. Just as we are. I know that most families out there do this sort of thing all the time, raise their children on their own.

I also know how lucky we’ve been to have so much help. And the girls have benefitted so much from having all this time with their Gram. They have such an amazing relationship with my mom and step-dad. When we walk into their house, the girls act like they’ve walked into their own home, that’s how comfortable they are.

Being three miles away is giving us our independence as a family of four but it’s also allowing us to maintain this amazing multi-generational relationship. I never want to take that away from the girls.