The Truth

You know all those mf-ing magazine articles that have a woman on the cover, standing just right to show off her stupid flat stomach and a pair of giant pants with the caption, “Ashley lost 80 pounds!! And you can too! Turn to page 79 to find out her secret!”

Yeah, those. She did it because she wanted to. She dug deep and decided that enough was enough and she stopped eating so much and she probably even moved more, though I’m still in denial about that.

Weight loss is almost always 90 percent mental and 10 percent will power.

It just is.

You (I) have to be in the right frame of mind to do it. You can’t will yourself to do it. If you (I)are (am) not ready, it probably won’t happen.

Unless you opt for surgery. Which…sorry, I think that’s cheating. But I also realize that sometimes, it’s the only option. But even that comes with drawbacks. There’s the pain associated with any surgery, there’s the recovery time. And often, those who have the surgery lose weight so fast they end up with saggy, baggy skin that has to be surgically removed. Ugh!! Another painful procedure from which one has to recover. There’s also the addiction part of it. You take food away from a food addict, and they’ll probably find another vice on which to obsess.

But the old-fashioned way of losing weight, the one where you eat less and move more? That one, for me at least, is truly a mental, emotional thing. I have to be ready to make the changes necessary to do it. Yes, this time I think I psyched myself out by doing it a month at a time, but hey, if it works, I’m going with it.

I think I faked it until I made it. (Thanks, Lauren!!!) I told myself it wasn’t a permanent change. And I hope, at some point, I learn a bit of moderation so that I can add a few foods back into my daily/weekly/monthly eating plan so that I’m not in constant deprivation mode for the rest of my life. Because that? Would really, totally, completely suck.

I do want to find some form of exercise that I actually enjoy so that it won’t feel like such a chore. I already do enough ‘chores’ to make my head cave in from sheer boredom. I don’t want another chore. But I do want something that feels like I’m taking time for myself. Walking is good, as long as I have music. Weight lifting is sooooo out. Not going to do it, no matter how many people tell me how good it is to build strength. All I hear is, blah, blah, blah. It’s not going to happen.

Joining is gym is a waste of money. We live too far outside of town to make it feasible. Tom purchased a stationary bike a few months ago. He loves it. I hate it. It’s ugly, it’s awkward, it’s loud. I hate it. Period.

Okay, let’s face it. I’m lazy. In fact, I’m ultra lazy. I accept that. I will never be model thin. Who wants to be that thin anyway? Those girls must be hungry all the damned time. I couldn’t life like that.

I guess what I’m saying is anyone out there reading this and thinking, “I’m such a loser, I can’t even motivate myself to change my eating.” Don’t. Don’t think that. It’s not about motivation. It’s about being in the right space, the right time for you. I’m not there yet for exercise. And I’m coming to a place of acceptance for that.

I’m so, so lucky I was able to trick my brain into this healthy eating plan. I admit that it’s really not that much work right now to walk past the cookies, the candy (my freaking dad brings candy bars to the house at least three times a week because he knows I’m not eating that stuff, he’s evil like that. Seriously.) I eat a salad every single day for lunch and I weep with despair when it’s gone, it’s that good. I have turkey, tomato and lettuce wraps each night for dinner and when they’re gone I want to lick the plate. But I don’t struggle right now because I’m in the zone. I’m in that place where I don’t fight the urge to eat that peppermint patty (mmmm, pepper mint patties…) I don’t know how long it will last but I’m hoping I can continue to take it one month at a time.

I can do anything for a month. But I won’t tell you that you can too. That’s where the stupid magazines lie to us in every article. It’s not a one size fits all world. What works for me might not work for you. But there’s something out there that will. Let’s just be kind to ourselves as we continue to search for that key, that magic pill, the zone, the thing that works for each of us, even thought those things will be different. We’re all different and that’s what makes this world so beautiful.