My Apologies

I apologize for everything. If the weather isn’t what you’d hoped it would, I will tell you I’m sorry. If the fan I bought shakes when put together, even if I took it apart three time and then put it back to gether and it STILL shakes due to an unbalanced blade, I will apologize.

Obviously, none of this is my fault. Duh. But I can’t help it.

Growing up, my dad apologized for everything. He was always sorry. I remember wondering why he was apologizing for something that wasn’t his fault.

Yes, I see the irony of that sentence up there. I also know that I come by it naturally. But knowing that doesn’t stop me from being annoyed by it.

And then, recently, I’ve noticed that Olivia is telling me sorry for things that are very much not her fault and it…it breaks my heart.

I’m perpetuating the cycle and it makes me crazy. It makes me sad and mad and sick to my stomach.

I don’t want her to apologize for the traffic or the weather or the sunburn you got yesterday because YOU forgot to put on sunscreen. Heck, to be honest, I don’t want to apologize for those things either. I want us to be able to go about our day not feeling like every little thing is our fault.

I have to nip this in the bud. I have to stop saying I’m sorry for everything so that I can help her NOT get into the habit of doing it to the point that she can’t stop herself. I hate it and I don’t want her to get to this point to.

So…I’m trying to figure out how to stop. I need to be more deliberate in what I’m saying and how I’m saying it and, yes, even WHY I’m saying things. That’s the only way I know to start.

Wish me luck?