Wednesday, July 7, 2021

You Know What I Hate?

Corn on the fucking cob. I hate it so much. The only good thing about corn on the cob is eating it.

The rest...sucks. It sucks so, so much.

My mom called me one random Tuesday and asked if I'd been to Wal-Mart that day. I had. She asked if I'd bought any corn on the cob. I hadn't.

She was surprised because it was on sale. 20 ears for a dollar. OMG! Really? Like wow.

But, I surmised, it wasn't shucked was it?

She confirmed that it was not shucked.

Big surprise.

Guess what? I HATE shucking corn. I hate it so much. I hate it with the passion of a thousand suns. All the unshucked corn in the entire world could disappear and I wouldn't be sad.

I hate it.

I also hate cooking corn on the cob.

But it's so easy, you say.

I know! I know how easy it is to boil the stupid stuff. But I still hate it. I hate it almost as much as I hate shucking the stupid ears.

Guess what else I hate. I hate cutting the corn off the cob. Gues who my kids prefer to eat their corn on the cob. Yep, they prefer to eat it OFF the cob. Guess who always has to cut the fucking corn off the cob. It's not Tom who usually does the cutting, is all I'm saying.

So after telling me about the Walmart sale of unshucked corn on the cob, my mom offered me some of the corn she'd purchased.

I declined that day, saying it was Tom's birthday and so I already had dinner planned.

So she suggested I go to her house the next day and get the corn.

FINE, I'll get some stupid corn from her.

But no, lovely woman that she is, she BROUGHT IT TO US, that very night. Because she loves my daughters and hates me.

So the next day, today, in fact, I shucked that fucking corn (Alyssa helped because she loves me and I bitched the entire time and she thought it was funny that I was bitching about how much I HATE SHUCKING CORN.)

Then I boiled those stupid ears.

After boiling them, I cut the stupid corn of the fucking cobs and my girls had a feast.

You know what? It would be hard to eat corn on the cob with no fucking teeth.

1 comment:

Julie said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAH! I still randomly say that too!

I would rather eat corn on the cob because I hate cutting it off. I also hate shucking it. Riley LOVES to cut it off the cob because she loves to eat it that way so it's usually her job if we are having it for dinner.

Your mom is lovely, btw.