Friday, November 1, 2013


These days I feel like a moderator in my own home.

My older daughter and my husband are butting heads in a way I never imagined before.

It’s tough for me because these are two of my favorite people in the world and they are often at each other’s throats.

Tom thinks Alyssa is disrespectful and demanding. He thinks she is full of entitlement and ungrateful.

Alyssa thinks Tom is being mean to her.

I try to explain to each of them that neither means to come across that way.

Alyssa isn’t disrespectful to me. I can see where Tom feels she is to him and I’ve tried to explain to her that sometimes her tone more so than her words irritate her dad. I try to get her to understand that it’s not what she’s asking, it’s how she’s asking.

I also try to get Tom to understand that she doesn’t mean to be disrespectful. I want him to understand that it is up to us to teach her respect and gratitude.

But we also have to respect her as we try to teach her. Getting angry with her isn’t teaching her anything but anger.


She’s only ten. How much worse is this going to get before we get through the teenage years?

She’s a good kid. She really is. She just has a few rough edges that I’m trying to help smooth out. Sadly, her dad seems to rub against those rough edges much more often than I do.


Julie said...

I sent Riley to her room over the weekend for the way she was talking to me. Not the words...just the tone. Sadly, I think she and I are going to be the head butters. :(

Anonymous said...

One of the thoughts for Tom to consider, when they are butting"How do I want my child to remember this moment?" When times goes by, and you think back on that moment...will you laugh, will you see it as 'not handled well'? Make the consequence fit the crime....ask the child if they can give you a reason for the wrong-doing. But, handle it with love...we are the adults. We are not above getting angry, but certainly we should be able to handle hanging onto our anger without dumping on the child we love. Good luck...God had blessed you and Tom with two beautiful girls...journal the good and the will make for some great laughter in later times! (And...remember God has a sense of humor. He gives us children who pay us back for whatever we may have done to our own parents!) Enjoy the journey of teenage years!