Meeting O's Teachers

It must be a few weeks into a new school year.

Why is that? Because I got a call and a note that Olivia's teacher wanted to meet with me. I knew what was coming. I mean, she's in fourth grade, we've been through five years of school before this year. Each year, it takes at least two months for Olivia to make a connection with her new teacher. And yet, each year, about four weeks into school, her teacher contacts me and requests a meeting.

Of course I agree. It's what I do. I always want her teachers/aides/principal to know that we're all on the same team. We're all on Team Olivia. We all want the same thing. We want Olivia to succeed at school.

The problem is, each year she had a new teacher, a new classroom, new things to learn. And it takes her time to connect with each new teacher. Until she makes the connection, she just sort of sits there in class, a lump, making a mess of her papers, ignoring questions or just looking at the teacher like she doesn't speak the same language.

So her teachers always want to know from me how they can motivate her.

And I always respond with, "Good question. If you figure it out, share it with me and I'll incorporate it at home."

No. I don't actually say that. I say, "Please know that I understand your frustration. What you go through at school is mirrored at home. I go through the exact same thing each night that she brings home an hour plus worth of homework."

At that, yesterday, her teacher told me, "I feel so awful each afternoon when I see how much work she's bringing home because none of the other kids bring home that much homework. In fact, last night, no other kid in our class had any homework."

Olivia and I did homework the previous evening for an hour and fifteen minutes.

The work Olivia brings home is work she's supposed to do at school. She's given ample time to do the work at school but she just...doesn't. If she doesn't have an adult sitting next to her, she won't work. She will doodle all over the papers she's given. She pulls the lead from her pencils and then has to get up and sharpen the pencils (she's diabolical, if only she'd use her genius for good instead of evil.)

We talked. We told stories. Attending the meeting was her typical classroom teacher, Mrs. K., her special ed. teacher, Mrs. B., and the principal, Mrs. R.

After about twenty minutes the principal asked the director of special education to join us. She listened to the frustration Mrs. K. experiences with Olivia.

She asked if Liv is pulled out for any of her classes. Mrs. B. said that Liv is not, she stays in the typical classroom and gets and aide if an aide is available, which is not always.

The director suggested that we increase O's services, which obviously means amending her IEP to include pull out for at least a few subjects. They asked me if I was okay with that.

I reminded them that she'd been pulled out for a few subjects back in second grade and for a bit of third grade and did well with that. They said that her success with that was the reason they'd stopped pulling her out, they wanted to see if she could succeed as well while remaining in the classroom.

Yeah, obviously not.

So we're amending the IEP. She's going to go to a 'small classroom setting' class for Language, Math and writing. She's going to continue to go to lunch, specials (gym, music, library, art), recess, science and social studies with her typical classmates. This will help her maintain the socialization she needs.

I reminded everyone in the meeting that Olivia has come so far. Back in first grade, she wouldn't eat lunch with her classmates. She had to sit at a table by herself just to take a few bites of her lunch. We got her past that. She now sits with her classmates and eats her entire lunch everyday.

I also reminded them that none of them have ever worked with a student with 5p- syndrome. I wasn't trying to make excuses. I know that O can be a pill to work with. But most of the time, I truly don't think she's doing it on purpose. Yes, she's indulged and spoiled but we make her work at home too. She mostly feeds herself these days. She ties her own shoes. She wipes her own butt (that is a HUGE thing in my life, just saying.) But emotionally, she is not ten years old. She's more like six. She can't remember the things her teacher tells her at the end of the day. I need notes from the teacher so I can help her do her homework. She is still growing, still maturing, still learning. She will never stop learning, thank goodness. But she will always learn at her own pace.

I definitely think we should continue to challenge her but we should also be understanding that sometimes, she just isn't going to be able to do the things her typical peers can do. It's just a fact. It doesn't mean we're going easy on her. We're just adjusting things to her level while still expecting her to do the work.

And yes, I did get off my sick chair (I spend A LOT of time in the recliner as my bruises heal) to attend this meeting. Someday, if Liv ever reads this, I hope she can comprehend how very much I love her. This girl and her sister...they are everything to me.