Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Chemo Diaries - Chemo #3

Ahh, the cumulative effects of chemotherapy. So expected and yet still so painful.

And this time, there was blood. Ugh! But it was only a little and only on Friday and Saturday. Still…ewww.

Anyway. This chemo session was a little different because Tom took me. I know! He got to be my driver. We arrived, I got hooked up and he stuck around a bit before running out to Aldi (his favorite store EVER) and I think maybe Walmart (his least favorite store EVER.)

He was back before I was done, so he sat down and watched as my nurse finished up the process.

This was the first time she had trouble with my port. She first time she accessed it, there was no flow so she tried a new needle and that did the trick. Thank goodness for Lidocaine and its numbing effects, though I did feel the second access. Not pain so much as…pressure? Yeah, that’s it.

I woke up that Tuesday night in the usual sweat. Ick. I hate waking up sweaty at 1am. It’s just so gross.

But then again, there is nothing about chemo that isn’t gross. The feelings of just being sick, being out of it, of not being in control of anything. Yep, gross.

Wednesday, I got through most of work. Go me. I know, I say that a lot but damn it, I’m a freaking warrior here. My chemo nurse says so.

Thursday Alyssa and I headed to see Justice League. Wonder Woman is so awesome. I didn’t feel too bad, just run down. Not so much that I couldn’t drive to and from the movie and eat way too much popcorn and drink a frozen Coke but just kind of ick.

Did I mention that Olivia started coming down with a cold on the Sunday before chemo? No? Well, she did.

By Thursday evening I wasn’t just suffering from the effects of chemo, I was also stuffy from catching Liv’s cold. Yay elementary school!!

Friday was so hard. I felt pretty awful all day

It started with, you guessed it, the poop problem.

Let’s remember that my biggest fear going into chemo was diarrhea. And let me say here, I have not yet experienced full-on diarrhea, much to my relief. However, chemo is messing up my natural ‘rhythm’ of three or four BMs a day. I know, yuck, but this is all about full disclosure so there you go.

I didn’t poo first thing in the morning on Friday as I do most mornings. So I felt ‘off’ all day.

I did manage to drag myself and the girls to town to buy groceries and have lunch. I ate half the chicken I’d ordered at Dairy Queen and the whole caramel sundae (because, duh) but once we got to Walmart, I started feeling worse and worse. We powered through and made it home with time to rest.

But back to the poop situation, because that’s why we’re all here, right? For the when the shit hits the fan. When I did finally poo much later in the day, like after 6pm, it was awful. This is where the blood came in.

I googled, “is it normal to poop blood while on chemo?”

Apparently, yes, it’s normal; and yet, so very disconcerting and disgusting. Shudder.

I felt better for a couple of hours on Saturday.
I got up, made the green bean casserole we were taking to my mom’s for Thanksgiving dinner. Sat through dinner and ate some vegetables. Then I made my way to her back bedroom where I laid on the floor and just…suffered. Is that a little melodramatic? Maybe but that’s kind of what I did. I didn’t actually sleep, I just drifted, feeling awful and hoping tomorrow would be better.

I roused myself enough to drive the girls the three miles home. At the halfway point between my mom’s house and ours, I hit a deer. The damn deer got up and ran away. My car was drivable enough to get us home, an hour after hitting the deer, after Tom and an office with the county sheriff’s department did their work.

It’s amazing what a shot of adrenaline can do for chemo sluggishness.

There was a little more blood that night when I finally had another poop but not as much as the day before and by Sunday, there was no blood at all.

I made it through an eight hour day at work on Monday and here we are, a week out and I’m feeling…okay. Not awesome but not horrible either.

My incision continues to heal. We’re at the point where Tom no longer even tries to stuff gauze into the opening. It’s barely open. There’s a tiny bit of seepage on the cause I lay on top of the incision but not enough to cause concern. I don’t see the surgeon again until December 18, at which point I fully expect him to do declare it closed. I hope.

So yeah, not so much diarrhea but just enough blood to be able to say I’m still excelling at being disgusting. Yah chemo!

One more big one and then, two weeks after that, we start the weekly sessions. I’ll admit it…I’m scared. Just a little but still…scared.

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