Monday, June 4, 2018

Something a Little Heavy

I'm learning to be an advocate. It's a tough road for me because I want to do this right.

Alyssa has a girlfriend.

This girl is lovely and kind and she makes Lyss happy. That's all I can ask of anyone. Alyssa seems to make N happy too so there's that.

At first, my mom was VERY resistant to the idea of Alyssa having a girlfriend. She just couldn't see how it was possible.

I told her (my mom) in no uncertain terms that we are supporting Alyssa, that we love her and she has given us NO REASON whatsoever to stop loving her. She's an amazing, smart, loving, talented girl who has caught the attention of another amazing, loving, smart, talented girl and together they are adorable. There is nothing for us to 'fix' or fret about.

My mom has come around, by the way. She realized she was being horrible for a quick minute and got herself together.

I have an aunt whom I love very much. She and her son lived with my mom and my and my brothers for several years after my mom and dad divorced and my aunt and her husband divorced.

This aunt is very loving and also VERY OPINIONATED.

She recently declared that all gay and lesbian people are perverts. Why does she feel this way? Because, according to my aunt, when she was a child, a lesbian couple lived next door to where she lived with her mom and siblings. These women allegedly touched my aunt and her sister (also my aunt but deceased since I was a toddler so...) Because of these two women and their awful behavior, my aunt has decided to condemn every single gay and lesbian person in the world.

I gently reminded her the pedophilia and homosexuality do not go hand in hand. I reminded her that more people are molested by straight men than anyone else.

She agreed with me that straight men can be pretty awful but went on a bit more about how the perversion of homosexuality is something she just can't handle.

By the way, the entire time she was saying these things, she was cutting my mom's hair and Alyssa was sitting across the room.

I turned to Lyss a few times and mouthed, "I'm sorry." And "Are you okay?"

I kept wondering how long I should sit there and try to gently argue with my aunt before I got up and left the room with my daughters.

At this point, I don't think my aunt knows that Alyssa and N are together romantically. I honestly don't care if she knows. Well, wait, maybe I do care. If she knows and was still spouting that stuff, it makes it worse. But it's still awful to say it at all, even if you think everyone in the room is straight.

I need to support my daughter. I need to advocate for her and fix as much of our little corner of the world as I can because I won't make her sit through a situation like that again.

I don't want to alienate family but I will if it comes to a choice between them and my child.

When we left, my mom apologized to us for her sister's words and attitude. That was something.

Alyssa said she was fine, she told us that she and N pretend to just be best friends when Lyss visits N's work because there are some awful people there too. I hate that they have to do that but understand they have to do what is necessary to feel safe.

Yeah...they have to do whatever it takes to feel safe. Even if it means hiding part of who they are. How fucked up is that? Our world is such a freaking mess.


Julie said...

I'm so very glad you wrote this and so very sad that Alyssa feels like she needs to hide something.

Laura said...

I am beyond words. Coming out as any sexuality besides heterosexual is a difficult thing to do. It says a lot about you and Tom as parents that A was comfortable telling you and being honest. I’m glad your mom came around, she’s a different generation and it takes that generation a minute to wrap their mind around different sexualities. I’m hopefully for A that she will become an adult in a time when she doesn’t need to hide anything, hopefully that time will be soon. I’m so glad she has found her own happiness, that’s a hard thing to do, especially as a teenager.