Where I Am

I'm home these days. I'm doing laundry and sweeping the kitchen/dining floor. I'm making Olivia breakfast, a snack, lunch, a snack, another snack, dinner, a snack, another snack and a bedtime snack. I'm reading and I'm sleeping until at least 10 every single day because I go to bed at 11 and then Olivia will come and talk to me until 12:30 each night.

My toes are no longer numb except the ring toe on my left foot, and that's only occasionally. I'm very sensitive to the sun but sunscreen helps a lot. Shade helps too. My hair has been trimmed twice now.

I'm taking Liv to the pool and we pretend to be mermaids.

I'm helping Lyss figure out how to 'teen' with sometimes difficult, over-protective parents.

I'm navigating a sense of uselessness (not all the time, just sometimes) as I face each day without a job, without a place I need to be.

I guess I need to be here. I am trying to embrace where I am right this second, my chance to parent my girls in the moment, on the spot. I'm trying to find a sort of zen in the here and now.

I've sent out a few resumes. I've had a couple of interviews. I want to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and where I need to be now that I've finished treatments and have the opportunity to start over. Do I want to go back into HR? Not really.

But this is a small community, I am going to have to figure it out soon and hope what I want meshes with whatever opportunities are available to me. I pray it all works out and that I am useful wherever I end up.