Peace for Liv

We’re struggling over here.

Three days in a row I’ve arrived home to find Olivia in tears.

She’s obsessed with death and her fears of my death and her dad’s death and her Gram’s death and Alyssa’s death. She wishes God would let us see heaven without having to die.

She asked me if some people choose to die.

I try to answer all her questions honestly but I also want to answer them in ways that are appropriate for her age and maturity.

It breaks my heart that she’s so sad.

She asked me if crying is the best/only way for a person to release pain in their heart.

Yes.

I told her that crying is absolutely the best way to release pain in your heart. I am not going to tell her that there are people who cut themselves because they say it releases emotional pain. OMG. Can you imagine? I mean, I already put nine Band-Aids on her fingers every single night so that she doesn’t lay in her bed and pick at her cuticles until they bleed. And some nights, she takes the Band-Aids off after I’m asleep and picks anyway. So…yeah.

I’m so glad she’s talking to us. I’m glad she can verbalize her pain and share with us what triggers her. She says she misses Auntie Nell. Nell is the only person she’s been even remotely close to who has died. She was so sad for Nell to have died and left everyone here. I told her that it’s okay to be sad for herself that she misses Auntie Nell but Nell is as peace. She’s no longer suffering and she’s happy in heaven with her daughter and her brothers and sister.

When I tucked in her into bed on that third night of jagged crying and near hysterics, I prayed over her. I prayed aloud for God to heal her heart and for the angels to come and give her peace.

I also ended up upping her dose of Lexapro in hopes of calming her anxiety.

We went to bed early that night in hopes that a decent night’s sleep would help too.

If you’re the praying kind, please add my girl to your list.