The Commitment Spectrum

There is a spectrum of parental commitment at work around here.

Of course, each parent thinks their level is the ‘right’ level.

On the far conservative end, we’ve got Marie Nordoff. Her daughter is Harmony. Harmony is the best of the best at everything at Edon. Okay, wait. Harmony is not the best at track, but that’s because she’s only three feet tall (or, you know, five feet exactly) and her legs are four inches long. So, while she’s got spirit, yes she does, she’s not the fastest runner. But you’ve got to hand it to her, she’s always willing to get out there and run a race, even knowing she’ll probably come in last.

But other than her less than perfect track score, she’s pretty damned talented.

But her mom, wow. That woman takes the cake of parental commitment. She’s at EVERYTHING. She’s at practices, she’s at performances. She’s paid for years of lessons, both voice and oboe (Harmony does not play the oboe but I don’t to give away too many actual details for fear of giving away too much.)

Lee is a member of the music boosters, she even holds an officer role. Go her. She’s a smother if ever there was one.

Harmony has been heard to say that she can’t way to go away to college so she can get out from under the stifling control of her smother.

But on the other end of this spectrum is the mother of Alyssa’s friend Jayda. Jayda’s a joiner, which is incredibly surprising because her mom comes to nothing. Literally…nothing. Wait, I’ve seen her mom at one track meet in the four years (we’re heading into the fifth) of Alyssa and Jayda participating in the sport.

Her mom is never at concerts, never at plays, never at meets or games where the marching band is performing. Jayda also plays the oboe (she does NOT) and while she’s third chair (behind Harmony and, oh, let’s just say Alyssa also plays the oboe) she shows up and what more can you ask of a child who’s parents are never, ever there?

Her parents are divorced and her dad lives about an hour and a half away. But that’s no excuse. Yes, Jayda is mean to him, but that’s also no excuse. The man is her father. He’s his job to show up for his child, even if she’s an ungrateful brat. The adult looks beyond the brattiness and see the pain and works to overcome it. Right? Right!

Then there are those of us who are somewhere in the middle.

Okay, so I totally admit that I definitely fall closer to Marie’s side of the spectrum than to Jayda’s mom’s side. But while yes, I attend the music boosters meetings, I’m not an officer. And yes, I did take charge of about half of all of Olivia’s class parties from kindergarten through third grade, sharing the responsibility with Deb Porch, the only other working mom but also the only other mom willing to take on that responsibility. But those are extremes that I didn’t want to have to take on, there was no other choice.

I attend the junior parents’ meetings because someone has to. But, go me, I’m not in charge.

I try to let Alyssa do her own thing, supporting her as she figures out who she is and where she’s going. I don’t want to mold her into a mini-me. I don’t want her to live my life nor do I want to try and relive my youth through her.

But I also want her to know that I’m always there. Always cheering her on from the sidelines as she lives her own life.

And wow, this is a judgey-ass post. Sorry. I obviously have strong feelings about being too involved and not being involved enough.

Good thing I’ve found the perfect balance of involvement, huh?

Sorry, I’ve got to go, the hair and makeup crew for the musical can’t make do without me.

And don’t even get me started on all the snacks that Tom, my mom and I brought to give Olivia during a one hour concert. Damn, you’d think she was four years old the way we cater to her. Yikes.