Bread

So the whole celery challenge is over. With its completion, Tom decided he’d give up bread for the time being.

I only mention this so that in case anyone hears of a woman being arrested for murder, you all know that there were extenuating circumstances.

Because, see, if he loses ten pounds in a week from giving up FREAKING BREAD, I will murder him.

Wait, does that seem extreme? Really? Ever so sorry but no.

I ate CELERY for a week. Let’s remember, too, that this was not unlimited celery. I ate a single freaking stalk of celery each day and I did NOT lose ten pounds during that week.

So, if that man is able to eat normally except for the omission of BREAD from his diet and loses weight like I expect he will, I will not be responsible for my actions.

I will be found not guilty for reasons of insanity because damn it, men and weight-loss make me crazy.