Finding My Non-Whiny Voice

I hate confrontation. My default tone of voice when in the middle of a confrontation is ‘whiny.’ I hate that about myself. I hate the sound of my voice when I’m whining.

But…I’m also tired of avoiding confrontation at all costs to the point that I often feel as if I’m being taken advantage of. So I am trying to find my voice.

I’m also trying to find a voice that is less whiny than my own actual voice.

Whininess is often not taken seriously. Or, it can cause the person hearing it to shut down completely without even hearing what I’m actually trying to say. They hear the whine in my voice and that’s it, that’s all they hear. I want to change that.

I wish I were one of those people who can calmly, sanely, non-whiningly state their point of view and then let things go.

Alas, I worry, I over-think, I stress all day long over a conversation that lasted maybe three sentences, even knowing that the other party in that conversation probably didn’t think a single thing about it, other than to perhaps think for a moment that I’m a whiny bitch but then forget about my whiny bitchiness for the rest of the day.

I want to be more forward about my needs, my wants, my rights. I want to be able to voice these things in a non-confrontational way, a way that is simply speaking my wishes and then, if the person to whom I am speaking doesn’t agree, I want to be able to let it go, resolute in my assurance that I am not being unreasonable, I am not being selfish, I am just asserting my own opinion and letting people know what I am and am not willing to do to make THEIR lives easier.

I want all of these things for my own sanity and comfort but I also want them because I’d rather my children not grow up seeing their mother being a pushover and a damned martyr. I’m so tired these days and things are piling up in my head and on my heart.

I need to let them go, get them out. But I wish I could do that without whining.

Oh, the whining that is both in my head and coming out of my mouth. Ugh!