Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Balancing the Workload

As mentioned yesterday, we’re doing a lot around the house to make it, umm, better, cleaner, more organized.

And by ‘we’ I mean Tom is doing a lot around the house to make all of the above happen.

And this bothers me. IT makes me feel like I’m not doing my part in taking care of our home.

I appreciate so much all that he’s doing and I don’t think he feels like he’s doing more than I do but I feel that way and it makes me cranky and resentful.

We’ve painted the ceilings in every room on the first floor. And this is not a case of the royal ‘We’. I mean, we both actually picked up a paint roller (not the same roller at the same time because, eww, that would be stupid and awkward and make the painting take forever) and rolled paint onto the ceiling. It was not fun but the ceilings look ever so much better. For reals.

The painting of the ceilings took place after Tom laid new flooring in the entry, hall, kitchen and dining area. The installation of the flooring necessitated the removal of all the trim in those rooms. So while the trim was off, he painted the walls.

I think I painted a tiny portion of the kitchen. Maybe a sixteenth of the room. I don’t know. It definitely doesn’t feel like I did much. Read, it doesn’t feel like I did enough.

I find myself trying to justify the fact that he painted almost everything by pointing out that I put up the Christmas tree all by myself and I bought all but two of the Christmas presents we gave away (he bought two mats from Menards for J and D, his sons) and I wrapped all those presents.

I also baked an insane amount of cookies, brownies, fudge (wait, you don’t bake fudge.) I also cooked all the meals while I was home for five-day weekend.

But that doesn’t actually make me feel any better. I also managed to watch the entire first season of Quantum Leap and have started the second season. So yeah, there is a lot more I could be doing except I don’t want to. I want to watch the dreamy Dr. Sam Beckett leap from life to life, putting right what once went wrong.

I know. I should probably grow up.

But painting is boring and besides, Tom’s basically got it all done, so there is that.

I want to find a way to feel balanced. I want to figure out how to contribute to the family as much as I think Tom contributes. But I also kind of want to figure out how to do it without having to expend much more energy than I already do.

Sigh. Maybe I need an attitude adjustment rather than an energy boost. Something to ponder as I fire up the next episode of Quantum Leap (first line of this episode: “Oh my God, I’m Popeye.”) Ha. Hahahahah.


Julie said...

I think you are too hard on yourself. Tom is doing those things because that's how he shows he loves you, not because he's keep score.

Anonymous said...

I say you need to rest easy on yourself. We can only do that which we can only do...and beyond that any mother makes up for what she thinks she did not accomplish....just by being in the position of wife and mother! Enjoy life. Tom must be a Lautzenhiser...do any of them know how to sit down and do nothing? Let them work all they want. Some of them might even ask for help, but you are there when needed, and a mother of his daughters. Stand tall, be kind to yourself. God made you unique...live boldly into the new days!