We have a pretty good morning routine. I get up, shower, wake the girls, do Liv’s hair (it’s the Year of the Bun so hair is pretty easy these days as compared to last year’s Year of the Braid and every day the braid needed to be just a little different from the day before.) and send her down to Tom where he’s got breakfast ready. (She dresses herself, which….yay!)
After breakfast (during which I’m finishing up my own makeup/hair/whatever) I find Liv and brush her teeth. She and Tom work together to get her shoes and socks on, I put lunch boxes in backpacks (Tom and Lyss packed them the night before.)
Then it’s time for me to leave. And while this is my least favorite part because, duh, I’m going to work, it’s also kind of my favorite time because the three of them line up to hug and kiss me goodbye. Then, as I walk out the door, Tom yells, “Girls, window!”
And as I pull out of the garage I see the three of them standing in front of our living room window, waving to me as I drive away.
One day earlier this week, I was heading for the door and announced, “Time to go.”
Olivia was in her favorite spot on the kitchen floor (girlfriend likes to find corners/cubbies/tight spaces and squeeze herself in, I think it’s a sensory thing…) and seemed to not want to get up so I said, “It’s okay, I’ll just kiss Dad twice and he can kiss you before you get on the bus.”
She declined that suggestion with a mild shriek and catapulted off the floor.
By the time she was up, Tom had already pulled me in for a hug. Alyssa had entered the room and started to lean in for her own hug when Tom pulled me tighter, declaring, “No, you two stay back. She’s mine.”
By then, we were surrounded (I know, it doesn’t seem like two girls could ‘surround’ us but it definitely felt like we were surrounded.) and so they just piled on for a group hug.
And in those moments, when I feel like the luckiest person in the world to be one of their favorite people I am able to rise above my current state of self-loathing and see how great my life is.
And it is. It’s great. It’s just ME that isn’t so great and I sometimes wonder if I deserve all this awesomeness when I’m so very much less than awesome.
But those three people, my three favorite people in the whole world, they love me so much and if they can love me so much I realize that I need to try and love myself. Because they aren’t stupid. They aren’t fools. They are so amazing and if they love me so much, I must be worthy of their love.
I simply must be.