One Year

One year ago today I received a diagnosis of triple negative breast cancer.

Yesterday I started a new job. Last week the girls started school.

Almost six months ago, I finished chemotherapy. Almost fourteen weeks ago I finished radiation.

I just spent one of the best summers of my life with my husband and my girls.

What does it all mean?

I want my cancer journey to mean something, to have some kind of impact on more than just me.

While in treatment, I believe I brought a bit if levity to the chemo room where I received my chemo. My surgeon told me that my positive attitude was a huge part of my healing. He has told me several times that I'm a pleasure to treat. That's something.

But what now?

What is my new normal? Am I even ready for a new normal? My left breast is still swollen and the scars still hurt occasionally. I'm definitely not ready for strenuous exercise and yet I need to lose weight.

I'm happy with my new job but I wonder if I'll be able to find a way to make a difference in the world of cancer treatment while doing my job. Am I even supposed to make a difference? Maybe this was all just so I could appreciate my family more.

I don't know.

What I do know is that I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be healthy and on my way to being even healthier. I'm so happy to have spent the summer with Liv at the pool, with Lyss as she learned to drive, with Tom in the yard, in the house, just being here, living, laughing, loving.

Maybe that's what it all means, appreciating a long summer with my family, appreciating not hurting, learning to appreciate my body, scars, fat, flaws and all.

I guess maybe I'll spend this next year figuring it all out and finding my new normal.