Words

As the new year begins, I am thinking about how to make 2020 better than 2019. First, Tom can stop acting like he’s twenty years old (or hell, 40!) and doing things that are going to hurt him. No more climbing twenty feet into trees with a chainsaw.

Second, I want to start using my words.

I want to stop using the word, “I’m sorry.” But I want to use words like, “That makes me feel like crap, stop doing it.”

I want to stand up for myself and stop apologizing for taking up space.

To my credit, I’ve stopped saying “Thank you” to people for whom I am doing a favor. I will say, “Okay” if they want me to acknowledge something but not thank you. For example, there is this woman at my work who will bring her PERSONAL mail down for me to take to the post office when I go to drop off business mail. As she’s dropping her mail into my inbox she’ll say, “Here you go.”

I used to say, “Thank you.”

Now, I simply say, “Okay.” Because hello, I’m doing her a favor, not the other way around.

So yeah.

There was this moment recently where I felt like Tom was dismissing me. And so I started to walk away, feeling dejected.

I want to be the type of person who simply says, “Are you dismissing me?”

And then waiting, letting him either acknowledge his shitty tone or deny it.

Either way, I want to use my words. I want to voice my worries, my fears, my triumphs.

Here comes 2020.

No resolutions but I am determined to use my words in this coming year.