Wednesday, September 16, 2020

An Essay

Alyssa recently had to write an essay for school. The theme was to write about an event that made you change your mind about someone or something.

She chose to write about her sister.

She shared her essay with me and it brought me to tears.

The lines that resonated the most with me were: “And that was the day I learned that my younger sister was never a bad child. I always knew that she struggled with things, but at times I felt lie maybe she just needed to try harder, but it turns out she was already trying her hardest.”

I’ve mentioned a time or twelve that over the years Alyssa has voiced her opinion that we (Tom and I and even my mom) coddle Olivia. She believed that if we just expected more from Olivia, then Olivia would be able to do more.

I’ve replied to these sentiments that I hope, should Alyssa choose to have children someday, that she was a perfect mother and that her children were perfect too. And I’m not even being sarcastic. I really do hope that for her.

But I’m absolutely not perfect and Olivia isn’t either.

But you know what? Like Alyssa, I need to remember more often, especially when we’re at the height of frustration, that Olivia is trying her hardest. She’s doing all she can to please me and yes, even her teachers.

She doesn’t have 5p- syndrome AT us. Her inability to work on her own is not misbehavior on her part. She wants to be normal. She WANTS to be able to answer the questions posed to her at school and at home.

Hell, she WANTS to be able to use a reasonable amount of toilet paper, but sometimes, she just can’t help but pull seventy squares off at a time.

She’d love to able to shave her own legs like a typical thirteen year old. But she can’t.

And I need to be okay with that.

I’ve always thought I accepted Olivia for exactly who she is. I love her so much.

But I need to be more patient with her. I need to accept that she simply can’t do some things and find peace in that.

I had to fill out a questionnaire for her IEP at the beginning of the school year. This is a new teacher, a new aide, a new schedule. O is struggling and so am I. But my struggle is with my own expectations of her. Who knew that thirteen years into this special needs parenting gig I’d have to adjust my expectations yet again?

The questionnaire asked what we wanted for Olivia educationally. I wrote that I want her to be able to count her own change and know if someone is cheating her. I want her to be able to tell time so she can get places on time. I want her to be able to read, both for navigation and for pleasure.

Another question asked what I considered Olivia’s greatest weaknesses. Her concentration, her inability to work on her own.

What did I think Olivia needed from her educational team? Patience. The understanding that she’s not doing things AT any of us. She’s trying.

She’s trying…I am the one who needs to remember that the most. She’s trying and I need to give her credit for that. She’s trying and so I need to try too.


2 comments:

Julie said...

Beautiful!! She's lucky to have you and you're lucky to have her.

Kate J said...

This was beautiful.