She's Shy

I was a shy kid.

I hated talking to adults. I always felt so small and stupid and childish.

My mom was a shy child and so she was very patient with my shyness.

I think I'm patient with Alyssa's shyness. These days our only rule is that if someone speaks directly to her, she needs to at least answer with one word (such as "Thanks" or "Yes", "No", etc.) She sometimes just nods, though, which, while exactly adhering to the rule, it's at least acknowledging that someone has spoken to her.

Hey, big news, she now waves goodbye to my dad when he leaves after a visit. I know! And she's not even eight yet.

Anyway, lately, Alyssa's said wistfully, "It's boring being shy."

Ohhh kid, I so get you.

It is boring being shy.

I didn't really come out of my shell until my senior year of high school.

I started breaking out around my sophomore year, but that last year was AWESOME because of the sudden letting up of my almost crippling shyness.

I will forever be grateful to Mr. Don Riley, the greatest teacher to ever teach. He was the band director at my high school. My sophomore year he promoted me to the drum major of our school's marching band. That put me up front, in the limelight, in charge of the entire band and while it terrified me to contemplate it, I trusted his judgment and went with it. And it was so much fun. I loved being the leader, being up there where everyone was watching me.

That single decision on his part prompted me to go out for the fall drama and the spring musical during my senior year even without the support of my best friend, Roxann, upon whom I'd always relied to take away the spotlight, to create a shadow into which I could slouch and hide.

She didn't want to act in the plays, so I did it myself and to this day I'm proud of the gumption that took.

So...this leads me to Alyssa.

What can I do to help her with her shyness? She obviously wants to overcome it. But I don't want to push too hard too fast. I want to follow her lead, encourage her to make decisions that will put her out there, help her overcome the shyness, help her find out who she is when the shyness isn't there to discourage her.

Gymnastics has helped a lot. She's out there, enjoying the class, talking to the other kids and the coach.

She's excited about the recital that's still four months away.

School has been wonderful too. I always knew I couldn't homeschool Alyssa. Not only am I totally not organized enough to benefit her, I knew she needed to be out there, with other kids, strange kids who aren't cousins or close friends. These days, she's just another kid in the class full of second graders, goofing around, playing games at recess, answering questions when called on in class. For this, I am eternally grateful to the public school system.

I'm glad she's started to acknowledge that her shyness is getting in her way. I know from experience that only she can do the work necessary to overcome it. But I'm here for her, applauding every step she takes to break out of the shell, that harness that holds her back and keeps her from having fun, taking part, being one of the gang.