A Year Ago Today

I know, I’m tired of this too but I can’t seem to stop my brain from thinking about where I was and what I was doing/going through a year ago in this day and that day and the other day.

Last year I dragged my six days post-surgery body to the county fair. I didn’t ride any rides except the Ferris wheel but I did walk around the place, watched Olivia ride rides with her sister, sat through the band performances and went home and slept as hard as ever.

My hematoma was hard and painful but the incision itself wasn’t too bad. I was bruised and battered and still reeling from the cancer diagnosis.

But I went to that damned fair because I was determined to keep living. I knew the coming months would be hard and I wanted to live. The whole point of treatment, of the surgery, the chemo, the radiation was to live and I didn’t want to put my life on hold while I fought to live.

So we went. And it was fine. I didn’t rupture anything or bleed more. I think getting out of the house that day helped. I didn’t and still don’t want to feel sorry for myself.

Yesterday, we hit up the fair again, this time after work, since…see yesterday’s post. This time, I rode the rides with Olivia while Alyssa hung out with her friends and prepared for her performance with the bands. It was fun.

Liv and I had a blast. We rode the Berry Go Round twice, once in a blueberry and once in a strawberry. After our Berry Go Round rides, we headed to the stands to watch her sister toot her flute. Liv was bored but honestly, so was I. Lyss’s band was the third in six that performed. They were awesome but waiting for her to perform and then sitting through those who performed after was boring. I’m there for my kid, not everyone else’s. I know, bad village mom. Whatever.

After the bands, we got some fair food because, duh. Liv got a cup of fries, I got some chicken tenders to share with her. We shared a Pepsi (isded, as O likes to point out) and I learned that colas still taste nasty.

And you know…if the one lasting effect of chemo (besides the awesome one of no more cancer!) is that I have a weird aftertaste when I drink Pepsi or Coke, well, I’m pretty damned lucky. I avoided the neuropathy. My hair grew back. I’m here. I can forgo colas for the rest of what is hopefully my very long life. I’m healthier for it anyway so I’m going to go have some cotton candy now.

After we ate we headed back to the rides. At first, O and I waited in line for the Ferris wheel. While we waited, they carney dudes let all the riders off and then…one of the dudes, the slightly younger one, grabbed a couple of wrenches and started climbing the wheel. I looked at Olivia and said, “We don’t really want to ride on this thing after he’s ‘fixed’ with a wrench, do we?”

She agreed that it seemed like a bad idea to climb aboard this ride and we headed to the scrambler instead. We both laughed so hard during our first ride as she slid into me over and over again that we decided to ride it again. After that, we were out of tickets and so headed back to the pavilion to find my mom. We were home by 8:45, just in time for Liv to have a shower and get her hair washed. It had been over a week since we’d had softened water. Her hair had been washed several times in that week but with nasty, hard water. It was icky. After her shower her hair felt so much better, as I’m sure, did she.

I’m so very grateful to have this time with my girls. To be able to look back on the past year with gratitude and joy, to know that this fight has been worth it. Even if the fight isn’t over, it’s worth every battle, every journey, every tear for moments like last night.