First Impressions

The day after Olivia was born, the first day I actually got to look at her, to touch her, to gaze lovingly at my new daughter, the thing I remember most about that day is the song that I kept humming.

It was Elton John's "Your Song."

The words: I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down into words, how beautiful the life is, now that you're in the world.

Those words resonated in my heart. She was so beautiful. She had changed my life in just a few hours of having been in the world.

I had no idea how hard the coming months were going to be. I didn't know that she was going to cry for six months straight. I just knew she was mine and I wanted to bundle her up and sneak her out of that hospital.

The nurses kept telling me I needed to sit down and rest. They kept reminding me that I'd given birth less than twenty-four hours ago.

It didn't matter. I needed to be with Olivia. I needed her to know I was there. I needed to sing that song to her and let her know that I loved her, that I'd always love her.

From the beginning, she was an escape artists. She fought the swaddles like an angry eel. She almost always had a leg out of the blankets. She fought the mask they put over her eyes during her time under the bili-lights. She hated having her eyes covered.

She was this little bitty thing with a cry so distinctive every other parent with a child in the NICU recognized it. She'd already started making her mark.

Last night, she found a wand that lights up if it has batteries. It plays a song from the Disney cartoon Anastasia (voiced by Meg Ryan...) She brought it to me and told me to put batteries in it. I told her I didn't know where the batteries were. She suggested I look in the kitchen.

I looked.

And found batteries. But they didn't work.

She suggested I look for different ones.

I did. They worked.

She exclaimed, "Thanks Mommy! You're the best."

She then pranced around the room (in just a pair of green plaid Poo undies) and waved her lighted, musical wand.

When Jaxon (the naughty cousin/nephew) arrived, he immediately zoomed in on that wand. Oh how he coveted it that wand. He wanted it with every cell in his tiny little body.

He followed Olivia from room to room, standing as close to her as he could without actually standing on her, gazing enviously at that wand.

Finally, he said softly, "Mine?"

She replied with a resounding, "No!" And she walked away from him.

This is the child who, a year ago, watched from the sidelines as her sister ran with Jaxon, rough-housed with him, treated him like the brother she'd always wanted but would never get.

This is the girl who would mumble softly, "No..." as Jaxon took things from her gentle grip.

No more. She's asserting herself. She's involving herself into their play, she's taking her place in the hierarchy of these kids and she's realized while Jaxon might be stronger, she's older and taller and...she can be bossier if she wants.

My first impression of her remains a constant. My life is so beautiful with her in the world.