Venus Emails Mars

Olivia starts her new session of gymnastics tomorrow afternoon. It's a Mommy & Me class. It was the best/only class available for her skill levels.

Except...it's at 3:30-4:10.

I work 8:00-4:30.

If I were to try and go get her and take her to class, I'd have to leave work at 2:30 and drive twenty minutes to my mom's, grab O and race back to town in hopes of getting us back to the gym by 3:30.

Last weekend I suggested to Tom that he bring he to me on Thursday afternoon and then take her home while I work a half hour more after the class is over.

He looked me like I was insane. He reminded me that he's making several trips a week to and from the old house with 'stuff' and he couldn't possibly be expected to do such a thing.

I dropped the subject.

Then on Monday at work I emailed him:

"Concerning Olivia’s gymnastics…what I was thinking when I signed her up for that time (3:30 – 4:10) was that maybe, hopefully, please, please, please, you would be willing to plan your week around being up here at that time to bring her to me. I know it’s asking a lot, but this is her physical therapy and at the time it’s scheduled (and there is no other time that has a good class for Olivia) my mom will have JUST picked Alyssa up from school (even if A were riding the bus, my mom would need to be at her house to meet A as she was getting off the bus)

It’s only one day for four weeks and Olivia really needs it. I would ask this of you if I didn’t think it was important for her. Will you consider it? Please?"


Using email, I was able to take the emotion out of the request. I appealed to his knowledge that her PT is very important. Tom was the one who stayed home with her and met with the First Steps physical therapist each week for two years. He gets that it's important.

I was also able to get my thoughts out without having to see his distainful reaction. I didn't have to see him roll his eyes or look annoyed.

And his response?

"Since you asked so nicely, how can I refuse? Of course, I'll bring her to you on Thursdays."

I think that him having some time to think about his response before having to reply helped. I think that him having to actually see the words on the screen helped too. If he'd written something dismissive or obnoxious, he'd have had a few minutes to think about them before sending.

Oh yes, I'm about to start the first draft of my book about how communicating via email will save marriages all over the world.