This was written not quite a week into our government-enforced semi-shut-in, I was feeling quite a sense of doom.
I’m so tired. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally. This whole Covid-19 situation is taking its toll on all of us.
Alyssa had most of the first week (spring break week) out of school off work as well but had to go back on Thursday. When I got home from work that Thursday, Tom mentioned he was thinking of sending me out to Arby’s to check out Alyssa’s work environment.
Why he’d have to send me, I have no idea. I mean, the dude can drive a car. He has $$ if he wants to actually buy something while there but no, he was going to SEND ME back out. Sigh.
Alas, he took one look at my face and realized that I was going NO WHERE that evening. In fact, the only place I went from that point, was to sleep. Ha, I crack myself up.
But seriously, the weight of world is heavy these days.
Italy is dying.
The U.S. is right behind it.
I just…don’t know.
And, to be a whiny baby, I can’t help but wonder why I, the person in our household who is probably the most at risk should I catch this horrible illness, am the one who is going out every single day to work and then being expected to go to the store, the gas station, the wherever the hell you might think of to go. I know. I get it. I’m the one who HAS to leave in order to make a living.
But it feels so unfair.
When I got home that day, Tom said that Alyssa was starting to get anxious. I replied that I am too.
But, jokes on me, her anxiousness is about being locked in the house and my anxiousness is having to leave the house.
She wants to get out. She wants to go see Naomi. She wants to be FREE.
I want to be shut in, I want to NOT have to go anywhere. I want to be shut in and have the façade of safety.
I want this to be over and for our entire family to come out the other side, safe and sound.
My chest hurts these days. Is it anxiety/panic/worry? Or is it a heart attack and should I risk the doctor’s office to have it check out? It’s awful that this is even a question, isn’t it?
A mom, a dad and two daughters. We're living ordinary lives with a twist of 5p- (Cri du Chat) for spice. But we're about so much more than our younger daughter's genetic diagnosis.
1 comment:
This blog touched my soul in a way that nothing else has. I am so lucky that we are all three here. None of us are itching to go out...well, Rick wants to go for runs and bike rides but he can do that. For the most part, we are staying sane around each other although we do retreat to our own corners often. But like you said, it's the facade of safety. We get groceries hand delivered to us but who touched them? We get mail and the occasional package and they come in our house. We've been known to pick up takeout and who prepared it? Did we step into an aisle, a sidewalk, a letter that has been touched or sneezed on? I look at the people who are dying and wonder what sets me apart from them? Am I enough younger? Are my parents safe? IS my brother who is still going out to work every day and is a smoker??
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