Masked

Unless you live under a rock, you probably know that Indiana and Ohio are mandatory mask states.

Ohio is too. If you’re in a public place, you’re supposed to wear a face covering.

My doctor’s office insists on actual masks. Face shields do not count. Those weird scarf thingies that go around your neck and can be pulled up over your face also are not accepted at the doctor’s office.

Labor Day weekend, we did our usual round of lunch, grocery shopping, etc.

While grocery shopping at The Walmarts I will say that more people than not were obeying the face mask ordinance.

But! There’s always a but. There were quite a few people who seemed to think that wearing a mask down around your chin is good enough. Or perhaps if they just wear it over their mouths but leave their noses free to breathe fresh air, that’s okay too, right?

No! Damn it, people, what the actual hell?

Just because the mask is ON your face and attached to your ears but hanging down around your chin, it doesn’t count unless it’s COVERING the places where the air actually leaves your actual body. It is the air that was inside your body that carries the germs that inhabit your body.

So pull the stupid mask up over your stupid face, up to and including your nose, and deal with it.

I know, I know, it’s so much easier to breathe when the mask isn’t covering your nose. Duh. It’s also easier to infect other people with your cooties if your mask is down around your chin.

No one enjoys wearing a mask but we’re wearing them (some of us correctly!) so that our kids can stay in school, so that we can continue to go to work, so that society as a whole doesn’t have to SHUT DOWN again because of the assholes out there who can’t be bothered to wear their masks properly.

But let’s also point out the true creeps who refuse to wear masks at all.

Okay, yes, there are people out there with medical reasons for not masking up. But I’m pretty damned sure that the two men that happened to be in the Edon Family Dollar last weekend who were NOT wearing masks of any kind (not even down around their stupid chins) were part of that small group of people with a medical reason for not wearing face coverings.

I think those two dudes were just assholes who were just WAITING for someone to call them on their selfishness.

They don’t care that there is a sign on the door that says anyone entering must wear a mask. They don’t care that the rest of us who ARE wearing masks are doing so FOR them. They’re just out there with their nose and mouth breath polluting our air.

Ugh!

Alyssa said that even though there are signs on the Arby’s where she works stating that masks are mandatory, so many people come in without them. And, she continued, you can tell by the look on these people’s faces that they are just hoping someone will say something about masks.

No one ever does because creeps like this are looking for a fight.

I am never looking for a fight, so I just mutter under my breath, shoot them dirty looks behind their backs and come here and bitch about them.

That’ll teach them.

Spirit Week

Once again, they’ve moved everything forward in the year in hopes of cramming everything fun in before school is shut down for good for the year. Not that we’re being pessimistic or anything, it’s just…you know, Covid time.

So the third week of school, the second full week, was Spirit Week, aka Homecoming week. This is usually later in the football season, alas, I’m sure they moved it to the second home game (which, coincidentally, was the second game of the season) just so they could say they had it.

Huh. Anyway, whoever came up with the ‘Spirit’ days for this year was, well, less than creative.

They tried to be punny with it by titling the whole thing with something like “Bombers: Turn “UP” the Spirit. Each day, in turn, had some sort of UP in it.

Monday: Mix “UP” Day – wear your clothes backwards – Olivia declared she was NOT going to wear her clothes backwards because that would just annoy her all day. She did let me braid her hair from the bottom up (I almost capitalized the up back there but just couldn’t do it.) That was it for her spirit for Monday.

Tuesday: Grown “UP” day – dress like a grown-up – she decided to wear a leopard print cardigan and some matching shoes because then she’d look like a grown up lady aka an Edon mom. Hahahaha. That’s my girl.

Wednesday: Squad “UP” Day – class colors – Olivia’s class color is black. And guess what else this day was? Picture day, because why wouldn’t it be picture day? I suppose class color day is better than backwards day. Her teacher told Olivia she could bring a ‘picture day’ outfit to change in to but we all know how that would work out. So thanks but no, I’m fine with her seventh grade picture being of her in a black shirt. Maybe we can say it was the start of her twenty-four hour goth phase.

Thursday: Dress “UP” Day – dress your best – she wore pink because that’s how she dresses up. So much for the goth stage.

Friday: Bomber “UP” – wear your blue and gray – this one is self-explanatory.

I think that if they hadn’t tried to put the stupid UP in each day, they might have been able to be a bit more creative. Alas, they didn’t ask for my opinion and if they had I’d have been all…meh.

So since someone else was willing to do the mental work of coming up with this stupid list of spirit days, I should just shut my face.

Senior Night

Senior athlete night is usually the last home game of the season.

Alas, with things as messed up as they are right now, we aren’t sure which home game will be the last of the season.

And so, Alyssa’s school decided to hold senior night senior night on the first home game of the season.

I mean, for all we know, the first home game might be the last, right? I mean, seriously, though.

So we got an email the Monday before the Friday of that game, letting us know that all seniors who were participating in fall sports would be honored at the home game that Friday.

Alyssa, for those not in the know, is in marching band, which is considered a fall sport. I know.

But those kids work REALLY hard. They go to band camp for weeks during the summer, they work hard to learn the music and the choreography for the half-time show.

I’ll be honest. I was in the marching band in high school and even I didn’t think of it as a sport back then but whatever. If the school wants to recognize them as fall athletes, who am I to complain? I’m glad my girl gets the accolades she deserves.

The way the senior athletes are recognized is that they’re given a card to fill out detailing their interests, the things they participate in, their parents’ names, you know, the usual.

Then, at the start of the game, the student and their parents are introduced to the spectators and the card is read describing the student.

When we found out about Senior Night early that week, Alyssa informed Tom, “Dad, you’re going to that football game.”

He gave a look that said he didn’t think he was going to the game.

She told him, “You’re going. You have to walk on the field with me and Mom.”

I assured him that there would be fewer spectators there this year because Governor DeWine has made it so that only parents and immediate family members can attend sporting events for the foreseeable future. Football at Edon is a pretty big thing. The entire community usually comes out for the home games.

Not this year! Nope. Each student athlete was given four vouchers to be given out for people to come to the games. This will ensure crowd control.

Somewhat mollified, Tom agreed to attend the ceremony honoring the athletes. “But,” he amended, “I’m NOT staying for the game.”

Duh.

No one expected him to stay for the game. He and Olivia can scamper away as soon as the ceremony is over.

I will stay, though, because hello, I have to watch the half-time show. That’s the whole reason I go to the games anyway. I always say that I’m only there for the band. I have to watch my girl’s last half-time show. This might be the only performance they give this year and I’ll be there for it.

We’re going to wring every single moment out of this senior year that we can. We realize that it might be even more abbreviated than last year’s senior year. So…here we go.

Welcome to Junior High

New year, new teacher, new masks, new everything.

We finally said goodbye to spring break after twenty two weeks.

Obviously, spring break morphed into summer break and here we are in August, masking up and starting a new year.

This year kicks off Olivia’s first in junior high and Alyssa’s last in high school.

Since Liv transitioned from elementary to junior high, she’d got an all new teacher. She worked with Dr. C for three years and was very comfortable with her. Now she’d in Mrs. H’s intervention class.

It’s going to be fine.

Olivia was a little nervous the week or so before school started. She was picking at her fingers, not sleeping well, and flapping her left hand more than ever.

The school had canceled the open house, which usually takes place a day or two before school starts in an effort to keep the number of people entering the building to a minimum.

But! They did have a 7th grade orientation two days before the first day of school. That was nice. It explained how junior high will be different from elementary school. It described the day and how the students were responsible for their own behavior, etc.

Okay. Sure. Fine.

Olivia and I got to meet her teacher, which was great. The original plan, way back in February of 6th grade, was to have Mrs. H come to Dr. C’s class and meet Olivia in a safe, familiar setting. Then, in the last few weeks of school (which were, obviously, spent at home with me as the teacher’s aide) Dr. C was going to take O down to Mrs. H’s classroom and let O get used to it little by little.

Well, none of that happened. 2020 went to hell in mid-March and we’re all still on the broken escalator trying to climb back out. Sadly, the people in front of us haven’t figured out that a broken escalator just becomes STAIRS and we all need to just start climbing.

Instead, Olivia came home from spring break and never left the house again until August 17, which is when we attended 7th grade orientation and met her teacher.

Obviously, that’s an exaggeration. But still…kind of accurate.

And yet, it’s going to be fine. We’re all in the same boat. All the kids went home on the afternoon of March 13th and didn’t step foot in the school again for twenty two weeks.

I’m rambling. I’m nervous for her. I know she’ll be fine but I want to fast forward about four weeks and REALLY KNOW she’s fine.

Just wait until next year at this time when Alyssa’s off to college. That’s going to be a fun ramble, isn’t it?

Lulled (alternate title: False Complacency)

I feel like we’re in the quiet before the storm.

Things are calm right now. We’re muddling through the summer and doing our best.

I still get frustrated with Olivia on a daily basis. I fuss at her over the water all of the bathroom floor (she washes her hands and then shakes them all over the floor. It drives me insane.) as well as her over-use of toilet paper. One day a few weeks ago, she went to get Alyssa to help her unplug an upstairs toilet. O had basically put an entire roll (sans the actual cardboard roll) in the toilet and then tried to flush. Sigh.

But really, those are just annoyances. Her moods have settled. *Knock on wood*

Alyssa’s in band camp, so we’re watching each other closely since we’re all around people more and more these days.

Alyssa and I attended her prom. She was beautiful. It was fine. I worked with other mothers (there were some dads in attendance but they didn’t really work so much as they stood around watching the moms work…seriously.) We served the kids their dinners, we made sure their drinks were full. We wore masks most of the time but there were times when we didn’t. So…

I’ve filled out the survey put out by the school asking what type of school we’re looking for this coming year.

Alyssa insists she is going to school. She does NOT want to do online learning. I don’t blame her. It’s her senior year.

Olivia needs to be back in school. But I also need to manage her and Tom’s anxiety over her being in school.

The survey asked if we wanted in-school learning, online learning or a blended version. I checked blended. Alyssa balked at that. She said that there was not blended option.

But wait, there was! I told her that the survey wasn’t locking us into anything. I reminded her that everything is negotiable. We’ll figure it out. If Lyss goes to school five days a week and Liv goes three that would be perfect.

Olivia will not be riding the bus this year. Since Lyss drives, Olivia can ride with her. There is no need to put her on the cesspool that is the school bus. That’s on less area of anxiety we’ll have to manage.

Olivia is perfectly willing to wear a mask to school each day. She’d love it if they could just eat lunch in their classrooms. She said she’ll actually eat if that’s an option. She’s even said she’ll speak louder from behind her mask so everyone can hear and understand her.

Her classroom is already small. I think there are a total of nine kids in the class where she receives individual instruction. It should be fairly easy for those nine kids to social distance.

I don’t know. I want what’s best for all of us. Just like every other parent out there facing these decisions.

Obviously my girls’ physical health is important but their mental health is important too. Their social health, while not quite as important as their physical and mental health, is still something we need to take into account. They need more than just to be wrapped in protective layers and kept at home. I wish we could do just that but it’s not healthy for any of us, not in the long run.

Prom (or Not?)

Yes, I Did Skip a “Junior Class Parent” Meeting and I Feel Zero Guilt Over Doing So

I attended at least eight parent meetings over the span of the school year that were geared toward raising money for the junior/senior prom and then planning said prom.

It was miserable. We sold pies, we organized a ‘Family Fun Night’, which included a dinner (I was on the food committee with my kind of moms), kiddie games, a silent auction and a concession stand. We sold more pies, we held 50/50 raffles at every single stupid football and basketball games.

Then we met to talk about how we’d spend the money we’d raised.

Then school closed for the year on March 13 and…everything stalled.

We still got emails from the teacher who was in charge of the prom (she works with the juniors and their parents each year doing this. That poor, poor woman.)

We also got FB updates.

So, prom is now happening on July 18. But there will be no dancing; also no dates. Only students who were juniors or seniors during the 2019-2020 school year are invited. It’s happening at a hotel nearby and there will be dinner and prizes. Formal dress is encouraged but not required.

Yeah, Alyssa thinks is sounds awesome too.

On the Wednesday before the Fourth of July, I got a FB message from Mrs. R, the teacher mentioned above. She attached the agenda for the parent meeting that was being held the very next day, July 2.

The agenda was roughly this:

1. Discuss T-shirt – someone needs to organize this.

2. Discuss prizes – someone needs to organize this.

3. Chaperones – we need as many as possible.

I replied to her message and said, “So sorry, can’t make the meeting. But I can totally be a chaperone if you need me.”

She responded almost immediately with, “We’ll definitely need you, I’ll put you on the list.”

And that’s that.

I was NOT going to be in charge of T-shirts.

I was NOT going to be in charge of prizes.

And you know what? I knew that if I attended that stupid meeting, I would somehow end up in charge of one of those things, either by myself or as a co-organizer.

No thank you.

And guess what?

I feel no guilt whatsoever about any of this. Nope, not even a little. I’ve done more than my share in this whole Junior parent thing. I mean, damn, there were maybe five of us who showed up to every meeting. Two dads were among the regulars. But you know what? There are over 30 kids in this class. That means that 1/6 of us carried the load for the rest.

So I’m done.

I will chaperone because I want to be there.

But I am not organizing another thing for this ‘prom.’

I hope it’s great for the kids but at this point, it feels like a farce anyway so let’s just get through it, get it over with and move on.

Updated: So I casually mentioned to Tom that Alyssa and my mom are going to the mall (in FORT WAYNE) to get Alyssa a dress for this prom. I think he came close to going into shock. He got very busy researching the guidelines for gatherings during this 'unprecedented time'.

He's VERY against either me or Alyssa attending this prom. He thinks it's dangerous and stupid of the school to even consider a gathering like this when they're not even sure how they're going to do school this fall.

I get it. I do. I get his angst and his worry and his fear. But I also am so tired of not living.

I mean, damn it, Alyssa and I both go to work every single week. We deal with people every single day. I go to the grocery store.

If we do these things, why are we so worried about something that actually be fun?

I know Tom's answer. He'll say that work is 'necessary' as are groceries. But gathering with 50+ people in a ballroom at a local hotel for dinner and prizes is NOT.

Yes. True. But maybe...it is necessary? For our mental health, for our well-being?

I will be wearing a mask that night. Alyssa will too. Will others? Maybe not but I can socially distance with the best of them.

Something's got to give, is what I'm saying.

Venturing Out

At this time this was written, I am in the middle of my third week back to work.

How’s it going?

Olivia’s stress level has dropped a little, which is a HUGE relief.

Work is fine. The stress level is fairly low. There are no outside visitors to deal with.

Olivia had an orthodontist appointment, which was non-eventful. The tech who worked on her wore an N-95 mask under a paper mask and all of that was under a face shield. She was well protected as well as protecting Liv. That was nice.

I was able to go into the orthodontist’s office with Olivia. They took our temperature and pointed us in the direction of their wall-mounted hand sanitizer. We were the only two in the waiting room and all the receptionists worse masks.

Back in the room where they do the work, I sat in a chair that was all by itself against a well across from where Liv reclined to have the work done on her teeth. We continued to be the only people in the building other than those who were working there. The orthodontist himself also wore an N-95 mask, a paper mask and a face shield. Everyone also wore gloves.

So…that’s one place in our area that is doing the very best they can to keep us all safe.

Olivia and I both wore masks as well, though, obviously, she had to take hers off during the work on her braces.

We went to Meijer to buy groceries over the weekend. About half the customers work masks. All the workers did.

Our local Walmart has six confirmed cases of Covid-19 among their employees. We’re not going in there any time soon.

Is this our new normal or are we marking time until things get back to the old normal?

Who even knows?

Masks

The other day, FB alerted me that my brother had responded to a mutual "friends's" post. This post was a rant about the insanity of being FORCED to wear face masks in public.

My brother agreed with the asshole 'friend' who declared he would NEVER wear a face mask in public because that's a violation of his rights.

HIS RIGHTS, I tell you. How dare the medical community ask a red-blooded American citizen, A FREE HUMAN BEING, to wear a mask over their nose and mouth when they're in public?

I rarely get political on FB. I know I'm not going to change anyone's mind and they're only going to be asses so, what's the point?

But this time, I replied.

I replied to my brother's comment rather than to the original post.

I simply said, "I'm not trying to start an argument but I wear a mask anytime I'm in public. I wear it to protect other people. My 'freedom' is not more important than someone else's life."

I wanted to say to the original poster, "Okay, so you won't wear a mask. So I guess that means you think no one else should, right? Well, then, pick the person in your family that you're going to sacrifice so that you don't have to wear a mask."

Is that extreme?

No.

It's not.

People are dying. Maybe not someone in your family. Maybe not in my family but people are DYING and those people have families and they don't deserve to die any more than you or I do.

What the actual hell, people? So you wear a mask and save a life. Is your freedom that freaking important that you aren't willing to save lives!?!

Are masks comfortable? Of course not. But I'm betting it's way more uncomfortable to have Covid-19. It's also was more uncomfortable to have to bury your loved one and not even get to have a memorial service for them because of social distancing.

People are picking the WRONG things to get all pissy about.

Back Story

So the other day, before all my angst of needing just an hour of alone time came along, Olivia and I were leaving the house for a rare trip to the grocery store. We needed AAA batteries for O's book light. She uses it to light the way to the bathroom at night and let me just tell you, AAA batteries are cheaper than Pull Ups.

Yeah.

As we were leaving, I said to Tom, only half joking, "Don't enjoy the quiet too much."

See, he's either alone in the house or alone in his trips to wherever he needs to go.

Ahem, sorry, that's already been lamented.

When O and I got back from the grocery store, Tom was acting odd.

Apparently, my comment got to him.

I said I shouldn't have said anything.

He said he wants to know how I feel.

I said well, I was telling him in that moment and yet...he was upset about how I feel.

Whatever. We're all tense around here. We're tired and yet not getting out enough. We're eating too much and not exercising enough. We're going crazy around here.

Tom tells me I shouldn't feel guilty for wanting a little time to myself. But when he says that, it makes me feel awful.

It's all a stupid circle and I cry and he feels bad and everyone's unhappy.

I need to remember that self care is not selfish and if being alone for a little while each day is what I need to not lose my mind and end up sobbing over the dryer at 1:30 on a Friday afternoon, well, then, I need to make time for that.

I will be back to work soon...I hope.

not because I hope to be away from my family but because I want this world to get back to some semblance of normal. I know that the normal we knew back before March 2020 will probably never be regained but some kind of normal is necessary for everyone's sanity.

On-line school assignments only go through next week. They're due May 15. After that, it's Right to Read Week and then...summer break, such as it may be. By the end of next week, I won't be needed at home the way I am now.

I'll head back to work, however that looks and we'll figure out our next new normal.

Let's just hope it with fewer tears than these last couple of weeks have seen.

Home

The last day I went to work was Friday, April 10. On Thursday, April 9, my doctor sent a letter to my place of employment stating that as a former cancer patient, one who'd been through chemotherapy and radiation, it was his medical opinion that I should self-quarantine for at least two weeks.

So I'm home. And I'm SO LUCKY that I'm currently home with full pay. Please know that I realize how lucky I am. SO LUCKY.

The stress level in our house went from explosive to manageable that Thursday night when I got home and told my family that I was going to be at home with them for the next two weeks.

Things had gotten rough in the days before my doctor's note arrived at my work.

Olivia and Tom were at constant odds over school work.

I'd get home from what felt like eighteen hours at work and before I'd even put my purse down, Tom would be informing me that he needed my help with O's schooling. She'd need my attention, Alyssa would want to show me a TikTok.

It was hard for all of us.

I've been home for six full days and things have settled into a routine. We had our best, most productive 'school' day yesterday.

We're doing our best, just like everyone else is.

And I know that we're some of the lucky ones. We have income, even though we're all at home. We have money for food, we can pay our mortgage. We aren't sick. We have each other and even if that sometimes feels overwhelming, we're so lucky.

I've made masks and we wear them if we have to go out into public. Alyssa wears one to work each time she had to work. Tom wears his to the post office.

My 80 year old dad is NOT social distancing. He goes to his local gas station every single day to buy a newspaper. My brother and I have had to tell him point blank not to come to our house.

I made my dad a mask. He drove to our house and I met him in the driveway to give it to him. He went to his nephew's house for Easter dinner. Sigh. That nephew is NOT social distancing either. He's 70 years old and says, "If I get it, I get it."

What the actual hell, Phil!?!

Okay, so if YOU get it, you get it but you know what? If you're going out and about after YOU'RE infected, YOU are not the only one getting it, dumb ass.

It makes me so angry because those of us who are trying so hard to flatten this curve are being sabotaged by idiots like him.

I'm so glad to be home. I'm go grateful that I can be here, helping Liv with her school work, watching TikToks with Alyssa. Feeding my family, both with actual food and with the spiritual, emotional support that we all need.

I just wish the idiots out there would get it together and stop thinking that this isn't a big deal.

It's a BIG FUCKING DEAL.

The Children

These are trying times, no?

Yes. Yes, they are trying.

The governor of Ohio closed schools for the first time on March 12. The last day the girls were in school was Friday, March 13. They came home with Chromebooks.

That first ‘closing’ was supposed to be for three weeks. The tentative restart date was April 6.

Unless you live under a rock (can I move in with you?) you probably know that that date has been pushed back to May 1 and there are murmurs about it school not resuming at all for the rest of this school year.

We’re all under a ‘shelter in place’ warning. Of course, that doesn’t mean a thing to me, I go to work every single damn day anyway.

And guess what? I’m not a doctor or a nurse. I’m NOT important and yet here I am.

But my family is at home and that television is on all the time. And it’s all news, or rather, it’s nothing new. It’s all about death and destruction and illness and scary shit and Olivia is losing her mind.

I recently got home on a Tuesday and she was drawing at the kitchen table. Which is nice. She was wearing a purple one-shouldered dress. She looked lovely and yet…she’s haunted right now.

By 6:30, she’d worked herself into quite a lather.

She wanted to write her Gram a letter but didn’t know what to write. She is bored and tired and stressed and at 13, she doesn’t know how to handle her emotions.

I fed her some dinner. She cried.

I ran her a bath. She cried.

I washed her hair. She cried.

We called her Gram. She cried.

I gave her some hot tea and a cookie. She felt a little better.

She’s scared. She’s young and fragile and scared. She doesn’t want to die. She doesn’t want her mom or her dad or her sister or her Gram to die.

I hugged her and told her we’re doing all we can so that none of us will die.

I finally asked her if she’d like to me to take a couple of days off work to spend with her.

That brightened her up.

We made plans for those days. We planned to go outside and draw on the driveway with chalk, go to the school and pick up pies that had been ordered months ago for the prom that will probably not happen (have I mentioned how glad I am that I didn’t buy a prom dress yet?) After we pick up the pies, we planned to take the ones my mom ordered to her, maintaining our distance, of course.

The, the next day, our big plan was to go through the McD’s drive-through in Montpelier. Mama needs her coke and Olivia needs to get out of the house, away from the house, even if for a little while.

Tough times, indeed.

Please Leave Your Babies at Home!!!

Everyone in the entire world is on lockdown, right?

Or, we’re supposed to be, right?

My place of employment is still open and so I’m still going to work. Sigh. I feel guilty every single day as I drive away from my home.

I’ve gone to the grocery store once a week, right after work, since this all began (two whole weeks ago…has it really only been that long?)

The first week, right after Ohio closed schools, my mom, Olivia and I went to lunch and the grocery store as usual. We also went to Hobby Lobby for some sewing supplies.

It was insane; not Hobby Lobby, that place was the epitome of calm and collected.

Applesbees wasn’t too bad either. They’d taken all the advertising tents and condiment trays off the tables for cleaning and business was kind of slow but it was only 11:30, so who knows how much busier it got that day.

But Walmart…OMG. Seriously.

The shelves were picked over. There was no pasta, no ramen, no potatoes. Obviously, there was no toilet paper. We didn’t even need toilet paper and yet…it was daunting to know that it wasn’t available had we needed it.

I got most of what we needed and we went to Meijer to see if they had potatoes. They did. We got a small bag. Oh, Meijer also had toilet paper that day. We didn’t actually need any, but I bought two 8-roll packages anyway. Oh. Wait. Does that make me a toilet paper hoarder? Yikes.

The next week, I went to Walmart on Friday after work. Well, wait. I actually left work that Friday at about 3:30 in hopes of beating any rush.

My early departure was in vain. There were STILL no potatoes, ramen, pasta or toilet paper but also, there was no bread whatsoever. Milk and eggs were plentiful but the Country Crock shelves were empty as were the Pillsbury biscuit shelves.

I went to Meijer AGAIN, this time for the bread. Again, Meijer had plenty of bread and they had three packs of toilet paper. These were labeled as ‘RV toilet paper.’ I have no idea what that means. I did NOT get toilet paper that day. Look at me, letting go of my hoarding ways.

Anyway…

This past week, week two of the girls being off school but it feels like we’re heading into week three, if you know what I mean, I went on our grocery run on Thursday after work. I kind of wanted to see if the shelves are different on a Thursday than they were on Friday.

There were potatoes! And toilet paper! Oh, and pasta and bread were on the shelves too. Alas, still no ramen. What the hell?

Ahem.

So I got my usual groceries.

As I made my way through the store, getting the things on my list, I came across no fewer than three families, FAMILIES, in that store.

And by family, I mean, there were two parents and AT LEAST two kids. Two of these families had a toddler and an INFANT with them.

What I want to know is WHY COULDN’T ONE OF THOSE PARENTS HAVE STAYED HOME WITH THOSE KIDS? I know. I need to calm down and stop screaming at you.

But people, seriously!

I’m so freaking resentful that I, and I alone, have to go out and work and buy groceries. I would give anything to be ‘sheltering at home’ with my family.

But I’m out there, going to work, buying groceries, getting gas for my car, blah blah freaking blah and these people are taking their BABIES out in this. Why? Why would you do that?

Sure, we’re all going a little stir-crazy. (Okay, I’m not but that’s because I don’t get to be ‘stuck’ at home.) But is that really reason enough to take your INFANTS out to a place like Walmart where germs are crawling all over the place, people are coughing and sneezing and it’s just GROSS.

Those poor babies!

Why, yes, it does appear that I’m becoming a germaphobe.

On the Bright-ish Side

On the Bright Side

-With the girls out of school, I only have to pack my own lunch each evening.

-I only have to get myself ready for work each day. Lest you think this means I look more put-together since I’m not spending at least five minutes braiding Liv’s hair each morning, oh, no, no, no. That’s not the case at all. What it really means is that I hit the snooze button at least one more time each morning.

-Olivia has chores now. CHORES. She gets to use a Clorox wipe(s) and clean the doorknobs, light switches, toilet handles, stair rails, etc. All the places in the house that are frequently touched by everyone and anyone entering the house.

-I am not the ‘work-at-home’ parent and as such, I don’t have to be the one who nags and nags and nags Olivia to eat her lunch, only to be asked ten minutes after lunch is over if she can have a snack. The brightest of bright sides.

Flashing Back

Author's note, this was written in the early days of the Covid-19 pandemic.

Social distancing is all well and good but some of us still have to go to work.

I do not have a job that can be done from home. Sadly.

But hey, you know what? I’m lucky I have a job that I’m still able to do during this time of crisis.

Alyssa came home from work on Sunday, March 15th and said that the governor of Ohio had declared that all restaurants and bars were to close. She did say that her managers had said that if employees were scheduled to work, they should still show up, they could clean, help with the attached convenience store and the drive-thru would still be open and food would need to be prepared for that.

So.

Walmart was out of potatoes and ramen; and, obviously, toilet paper. Meier, located less than a mile from Walmart, had plenty of potatoes, 15 packages of beef ramen and some toilet paper. They were limiting the amount of toilet paper each person was allowed to buy, but that was understandable.

We didn’t even need toilet paper. But we did need potatoes and ramen.

Speaking of ramen, I get that with kids home from school for at least three weeks, we all have to feed them as conveniently and cheaply as possible. I mean, that’s actually why I was even looking for it. It’s one of the few foods that Olivia will eat with minimal nagging.

We decided that this first week off school is going to be treated as spring break since that was the original schedule.

But the following weeks, ugh. I don’t envy Tom and yet, I kind of do. He’s going to have to police screen time and make sure that Olivia does actual school work while she’s off during these coming weeks. I pointed out that we have her daily scheduled posted on our fridge. She needs to adhere to that, even if it’s a loose adherence. I suggested that she try and keep to the schedule at least half way. As in, if, when she’s in school she’d do math for 40 minutes, at home she should do 20 minutes.

Recess! Get that child outside. She can’t be allowed to sit on her butt for twelve to fifteen hours a day while she’s home from school. She needs to get outside and run, or just sit and let the wind blow off the germs.

She has gym two days a week. I think Tom could very well institute a PE period at home. In fact, I think he’d be good at this.

Alyssa could help Liv with the other ‘specials’ which include art, music, and technology.

I’m just rambling here but these are scary times. I’ve read enough apocalyptic fiction to know that the world can go to hell overnight. But I also know that we have a lot of precautions being implemented so that doesn’t happen.

We’re still going to the eye doctor and the dentist. We’re still going to the grocery store. We’ll go through the drive-thru for food because that’s the only option these days and that’s okay.

Let’s all do what we can to remove the panic while still keeping our distance and not gathering in crowded areas.

Olivia’s hands are chapped from over-washing but these days, is there any such thing? I’ve slathered her hands with Mary Kay satin hands, a very waxy substance that helps her skin retain its own natural moisture.

And on that note…

What's Getting Low? A Look Inside the Mind During the Covid-19 Pandemic/Quarantine

Other than morale, what’s getting low in your house?

I might need to buy tooth paste next time I go to the store. The four of us all use a different tooth paste, which I admit is stupid and yet…none of us is willing to switch to one of the others’ choice so…four tubes of tooth paste it is.

And I’m the one getting low on my Sensodyne.

What else?

Hair color! Yikes, my roots are starting to show and NO ONE wants to see that.

We’re going to need milk this week.

And probably snack cakes.

Let me check the status of the Cheez-Its.

Tom probably needs pretzel rods.

I should start a list.

Wait, I do that already. We have a running list on the microwave. I’ve got things that I get every week because they’re staples. Those things are typed on a list and there’s space at the bottom to add unique things.

I should probably get some more feminine hygiene products…those are something a house with two teenage girls does NOT want to run out of.

Should I get some ground turkey? What will I make with it if I do? Tom has a bunch of frozen chicken breasts that he can make so…

This is all so unprecedented. No one knows how long it’s going to last. Will the kids go back to school at all for this school year?

Who knows?

Morbid

My health insurance pays me to do things like get a flu shot (wonder if in the future it will pay us to get a corona shot? Hmmm…) and verify that I’m tobacco-free.

I also got $$ for taking a health assessment.

And guess what?

I’m morbidly obese.

Duh.

Please note that my health insurance is as obnoxious as my radiation oncologist.

And yet, reading this news on a computer screen wasn’t nearly as devastating to my psyche as it was hearing from face to face from a doctor’s actual mouth last June.

But whatever.

Even though my insurance thinks I’m a fatty, they still gave me money for doing that assessment. Wonder if they’d give me more if I adopted a healthier lifestyle.

Now there’s incentive…

(For reference as to how much I really need some sort of incentive: As I typed this post, I had just finished a Reese’s cup, the second cup sitting in front of my keyboard taunting me.)

The Bad Years

Maybe it’s just a symptom of getting older.

Maybe I’m turning into a pessimist right before your eyes.

Maybe these past few years have just sucked.

You be the judge.

2017 – In July of that year, I was informed that the company I worked for was closing down the facility where I and around 30 other people worked. I’d been there for seventeen years. Yikes. Nothing like starting over, right? On the bright side of that situation, they told us in July but weren’t closing until the end of December. And those of us who stayed on with the company would receive a ‘stay package’ as well as a severance package.

But wait, 2017 wasn’t done with us yet. In August, on the 21st to be exact, I was given a diagnosis of breast cancer.

Well.

Let’s do this. I was given an appointment with a surgeon for the next Thursday, August 24. At that appointment we scheduled my surgery, which took place on September 5th. It was a Tuesday.

After surgery, we scheduled the start of chemo. Those treatments took us into 2018.

2018 actually wasn’t too horrible. I completed my cancer treatment, finishing chemotherapy and radiation therapy. I took the summer off and started looking for a job in July of that year.

I started my new job in August of 2018.

2019 – The year of injury. Tom hurt himself a couple of times this year. Each injury was bad enough that it took him out of commission for a couple of months each time.

It was awful to see him suffer.

The farmers also suffered during 2019. The rains seemed like they would never end. It was literally too wet for most farmers in our area to get the crops in the ground.

2020 – Damn. Talk about adding insult to injury. Hello Covid-19, way to turn the world upside down.

I don’t have a pretty little conclusion to this one, because right this second we’re stuck right in the middle of this shit storm. But it’s bad…it’s really, REALLY bad. And it will probably get much worse before it gets better.

That’s such a scary thought. But then…it’s a scary world out there right now.

And damn it, I just cannot stop touching my face. My nose itches, my eyelashes are being weird. Oh, that spot above my eyebrows is itchy now. Wait, there’s a hair in my eyes.

Doom

This was written not quite a week into our government-enforced semi-shut-in, I was feeling quite a sense of doom.

I’m so tired. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally. This whole Covid-19 situation is taking its toll on all of us.

Alyssa had most of the first week (spring break week) out of school off work as well but had to go back on Thursday. When I got home from work that Thursday, Tom mentioned he was thinking of sending me out to Arby’s to check out Alyssa’s work environment.

Why he’d have to send me, I have no idea. I mean, the dude can drive a car. He has $$ if he wants to actually buy something while there but no, he was going to SEND ME back out. Sigh.

Alas, he took one look at my face and realized that I was going NO WHERE that evening. In fact, the only place I went from that point, was to sleep. Ha, I crack myself up.

But seriously, the weight of world is heavy these days.

Italy is dying.

The U.S. is right behind it.

I just…don’t know.

And, to be a whiny baby, I can’t help but wonder why I, the person in our household who is probably the most at risk should I catch this horrible illness, am the one who is going out every single day to work and then being expected to go to the store, the gas station, the wherever the hell you might think of to go. I know. I get it. I’m the one who HAS to leave in order to make a living.

But it feels so unfair.

When I got home that day, Tom said that Alyssa was starting to get anxious. I replied that I am too.

But, jokes on me, her anxiousness is about being locked in the house and my anxiousness is having to leave the house.

She wants to get out. She wants to go see Naomi. She wants to be FREE.

I want to be shut in, I want to NOT have to go anywhere. I want to be shut in and have the façade of safety.

I want this to be over and for our entire family to come out the other side, safe and sound.

My chest hurts these days. Is it anxiety/panic/worry? Or is it a heart attack and should I risk the doctor’s office to have it check out? It’s awful that this is even a question, isn’t it?