Monday, January 24, 2011

Suckage

Dieting sucks.

It really and truly does.

I wish I could say that I get something out of self-denial. I wish I could say that I'm maturing and realizing that being healthy and conscious of what I'm eating is a maturing, growing experience.

But it's not.

I can't say any of those things.

I can say that I miss Coca-cola. I miss peppermint patties.

I miss Reese's Cups and frozen cokes.

I've been dieting since January 3rd and as of today, I've lost ten pounds.

Of course, with my build and the way my body gains and loses weight, I'm nowhere near being in a smaller size. Perhaps after losing at least ten more pounds I could venture into my closet and try on those clothes that are one size smaller than the ones I donned this morning. Perhaps.

So there's not even the enticement of new (to me, except not really because I wore them two years ago before gaining this weight) clothes to lure me away from the chocolate chip raisins cookies.

Yes, yes, being healthy and able to race after my children is a reward unto itself. Whatever.

No, I don't want to be the fat mom at school parties and gymnastic classes.

But...the struggle. It's hard. It's tough to remind myself that even on bite of that chocolate covered cherry fudge is all it takes for me to eat two pounds of it before realizing I've lost control.

So I fight.

And I try to remember that lettuce is good for me. Even if it is tasteless.

I remind myself that the health benefits are numerous and the joy of that peppermint pattie will only last a few minutes.

Whatever. I'm trying. I guess that's all I can ask of myself.

I know it's too much to ask that I wake up tomorrow morning able to think like a thin person, a person who 'forgets' to eat. For the record? Who the hell forgets to eat? Seriously? Who?

But again, whatever. I know that's not going to happen.

I also know that weight-loss isn't about instant gratification and unfortunately I'm an instant gratification kind of girl, which is why the peppermint patties appeal to me so much, all that cool chocolatey goodness.

But...I'm trying to remember that I gained this weight over the span of a couple of years. So I have to be patient (another thing that isn't necessarily a strong suit of mind) and know that the weight will have to come off more slowly than I'd like.

So I keep walking past those chocolate snacks and grab the tangerine instead. I have a few celery sticks and tell myself that, oh yeah, they're tasty too. Even though I know they're not, I will munch them and try to take even a little pleasure when I weigh-in and have lost even a single pound.

It's not easy, though.

Oh, no. It sucks. But does the dieting suck more than the backaches from being overweight? Does it suck more than feeling like a whale next to my slim husband? Does it suck more than being the fat mom at school parties?

No...all of those things suck way more than the dieting.

So I keep trying. I keep trying.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh...it's so hard for us busy mom's to stay healthy and not put on weight. I feel you I was 40 lbs lighter in 2008. But you will prevail in the end, you are a strong woman. And you are doing it for all the right reasons.