I Wonder

I often wonder if my girls know how much I love them.

I wonder if they know how special they both are to me.

I wonder if Alyssa knows how much I adore having her climb onto my lap as I read library books to Olivia. This is what I dreamed about when I found out I was having a second girl. One in each arm. I know these days of A wanting to sit on my lap are number and so I treasure each and every evening when she climbs up too, happy to listen to books written for kids half her age.

I wonder if Olivia will ever know that she’s a little different from her peers. In so many ways, she isn’t, she’s just your typical five year old, but I know that in other ways, she’s behind, she’s not quite where her peers are. I kind of hope she never realizes it and yet…I know that the higher functioning she is, the more likely she is to grasp the differences. It’s a double edged sword and I’d do anything to protect her from both edges.

I wonder if my mom realizes how grateful I am that she’s there for my family. She’s so incredibly good to us, all four of us. She and my step-dad go above and beyond what grandparents are expected. I love that my girls get this multi-generational upbringing. They are so lucky and I wonder if they even know that.

There is a lot I wonder about, but this I know: I am one incredibly blessed mommy.