When Alyssa was little, okay, littler, I remember looking at her and thinking, “I know you. I’ve known you forever.”
I felt like her soul and mine had been acquainted for lifetimes, as in plural. I felt like she was so much wiser than I was, as if she knew more about the entire universe than I ever would.
I looked in her eyes when she was an infant and I marveled that I was her mother, I wondered if I would ever be worthy of that title.
The same thing happened when Olivia was born. I looked at her and knew her. I held her in my arms and she fit so perfectly against me. Her cat-like cry was familiar to me in a way I couldn’t explain. Even her dimples reminded me of something that I couldn’t put my finger on.
As I child I often looked at my mom and felt like we belonged together. I was so very grateful that she’d been the one to whom I’d been born.
Over the years, I’ve wondered about our souls. Do we have just this one life or have we been travelling for lifetimes, centuries even, coming in and out of this world, searching each other out?
I feel like there must have been a time when Alyssa was the parent and I was the child. She often seems so much wiser than I am, so much more mature and her laughter tugs at something inside me, reminding me of another place, another time when we sat and laughed together, maybe not in our current life but in another, maybe not even so long ago.
All I know for sure is that I feel so very lucky to have these two souls here, now, in this lifetime with me, to nurture, to love, to shower with affection and adoration. That they found me is a miracle, one for which I will forever be grateful.
A mom, a dad and two daughters. We're living ordinary lives with a twist of 5p- (Cri du Chat) for spice. But we're about so much more than our younger daughter's genetic diagnosis.
3 comments:
I feel that way about my husband...very wierd. We are the complete opposite but there is just something so familiar there. And it has been that way since the first moment we met as if we were just waiting to see eachother again. We are so different sometimes I think that without that and the love we share for eachother there would be nothing left and we would not be together but somehow we are a good team.
I love all my children they are my life but I feel somehow like I was just waiting for her. There is a very deep unexplained connection there. When I used to think of what my life would be like once my kids grow up and move on there was always this feeling that something was missing from that thought and I am positive it was my souls way of telling me it would just be him and myself but in fact it would be three of us.
In "her" I meant Sophie.
I feel these same things...and wonder the same thing...because I feel like my family and I are connected in this deep, spiritual way.
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