Already?

I worry sometimes that we’re already at that stage where Alyssa thinks I’m a major loser and she is on the verge of wanting nothing to do with me.

But then, the moment after the worry pops into my head, she’s sitting so close to me on the couch that she may as well be on my lap.

We have our moments, that girl and I.

She called me rude this past weekend and, quite honestly, it hurt my feelings and made me wonder if she thinks I’m a horrible person.

I do not want my children to think I’m a bad person. Heck, I don’t want to BE a bad person.

She called me rude after I made a, well, rude comment about another driver on the road. But…they were idiots. So…yes, rude.

I’m trying to curb that tendency I have to feel like when I’m behind the wheel other people should just get out of my way. I’m especially trying to do so when one or both of the girls are in the car with me.

See, I know I’m a nerdy, dumpy (yes, even after 49 pounds lost, I’m still dumpy) mom. I know I’m boring and probably mean sometimes (I do, after all, have expectations of the girls and this is sometimes construed at mean.) I’m snarky and often mean-spirited, especially while watching television. I know I need to check that and either just think the mean stuff or try and change the thinking altogether when the girls are watching with me.

But I still want my kids to think I’m fun to be around. I want them to not be embarrassed by me. I want them to actually enjoy my company. And for now, I think they still do. But I fear the teen years and the utter annoyance I know I will engender in my older daughter when she finds me irritating and boring and just plain stupid.

So. What does all this mean? It means mama needs a personality overhaul, I guess. I need to stop being obnoxious and rude in the car. I need to stop snarking at the television. But I won’t stop correcting grammar out loud while watching television. There are some things I just can’t help. I need to reign in my nerdiness, at least a little, I think, especially if we’re around other people.

All in all, I just need to be a better person. That’s not such a big task, is it?