I’m out of sorts today. My eyes are tired, my body is hungry. My brain is foggy and my mood is grim.
My husband sent a big ass box for me to ship today, which irritated me, which, in turn, irritated him. Whatever. I can’t bring myself to feel bad for being irritated. He muttered that I should be happy that this is one of the last packages he intends to ship UPS. I’d be happy if the last one he’d sent was the last one but no, this is just one of the last ones. Which means there will be more after this one. This one is huge and over thirty pounds, which just makes it awkward, which irritates me all the more.
Anyway, like it matters, right? That’s probably not even what is making my mood do bleak.
Last week was a tough week as far as food goes. I ate badly and it showed up on my scale. I got myself under control and the scale is showing decent progress but I’ve spent most of this week hungry and that tends to make me grumpy. Obviously, I’d rather be hungry and thin(ner) and grumpy than fat and happy because honestly, no one is truly happy when I’m fat. This just so stupid. The whole thing makes me crazy. I had to cut out a serving of raisins, for Pete Sakes! (Again, I know the phrase is Pete’s sake…I like Pete Sakes, though.) Who the hell eats too many raisins!?! Me, obviously.
I also had to drop a serving of peanut butter in order to get back on track. Again, it makes me a little nuts to know that my weight is so precarious that a serving of raisins and a serving of peanut butter can make or break me.
I think I’m lonely. All my friends live over three hours (driving time) away. Which means I never see them. We email and Facebook but it’s not the same. They’re amazing email buddies but I miss their smiles, their voices, their hugs. I miss sitting around and talking about nothing, or even talking about something, like our kids and our worries for them. Alyssa asked me last week what superpower I'd choose if I could have any superpower in the world. My immediate response was the ability to teleport. This would come in so handy when I wanted/needed some me time with my besties who are all the way down in Indy.
The girls and I have a sort of friend date for a week from Saturday to go roller skating with a mom who has daughters who are A’s and O’s classes. Her girls are awesome and I really like this mom. I hope we can do this a little more often because it might help this crushing loneliness I seem to be suffering.
Yikes. Can I get more maudlin? Suck it up, right? Things aren’t that bad. They’re never that bad. We’re all healthy, we’re all here, life is good. Really, it is. And tomorrow it’ll be even better.