I am feeling stifled these days.
Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe spring will lift my spirits.
Maybe it’s the fact that I’m trying to diet and yet I hate it with every fiber of my being. Usually when I’m doing a weight loss program, my psyche is all in and I’m okay with what I’m eating. I don’t even want the junk I’ve given up. This time, I’m miserable. I hate the food on my ‘diet plan’. I hate eating because it’s just no fun anymore.
I don’t know.
I feel like I’m angry all the time these days. Heck, half the time I don’t even know why I’m angry, I’m just sitting around furious at the world.
I try hard not to be angry at my kids. They’re awesome and I want them to know this. And, lucky me, they usually find my anger (that, again, is not directed at them) to be funny to the point of hilarity. That sometimes actually lifts my mood. So there’s that.
Whatever. All this is coming across as so ‘boo hoo, poor me’ and that’s not good either.
How are the girls? They’re awesome. Lyss starts track on Monday. She has a solo ensemble performance in April. She’s performing in a flute trio. I love this for her.
I have Liv’s IEP meeting the Monday after that. That ought to be fun. She’s having a tough time lately too. She’s being more obnoxious than usual and it’s spilling over into school. She’s sassy and argumentative and it’s keeping her from doing her work at school. I’m sure we’ll discuss that in our meeting.
And Tom…he’s trying. He’s trying so hard and when I take a minute to drag myself out of the haze of anger that seems to surround me and recognize that, to realize that his love language is so different from mine but in his way he’s showing how much he loves us, it brings a little sunshine into my world.
That’s something to hold onto until the sun really does come out again.