YouTube Black Hole

Speaking of YouTube, the other night, I kind of fell into a black hole of YouTube videos. I was watching the latest update from a family member who is the caregiver for her wife. This led to some suggestions from YouTube. Oh, don't follow those suggestions...

I did, though. I found one YouTuber in particular who'd been diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. Hers was further along than mine. She ended up dying from it.

I know.

But her videos were still helpful. She's the one I'll be watching again to prepare my skin for radiation.

One video, though, gave me goose bumps. I felt like she was speaking directly to me. She'd just told her viewers that her cancer was back, that it was in her liver. She was, at that point, considered terminal. She was still fighting though. She was going to make that damned cancer work hard to take her life.

She was looking in the camera and explaining what it meant to be terminal. She said something like, "Look, if this cancer had been a single small tumor in my left breast, if I'd had surgery right away and followed up immediately with chemo and radiation, I might have beat it. But we caught it later than that."

She made the choice in the beginning to try and fight her cancer, which I believe was stage 2 (maybe 3?) when it was found, using natural methods such as herbs and supplements rather than chemo and radiation. This gave her cancer several months to grow before she had to start the traditional treatments.

But when she made that comment about the tumor being a single, small tumor in her left breast (hers was actually in her right breast) I felt like she was speaking directly to me. I felt like she was telling me (years before I even got diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer) that I was doing everything right. That I am going to be just fine.

I have to believe that. Why else are we doing all this?

My port comes out in six days.