The Art of Negging

I would like to think that at the ripe old age of 48, I would be immune to the neg. You know what I mean, right? It’s when someone (usually a man) says something that sounds like a compliment but is really an insult designed to make you doubt yourself and see him in a good/better-than-you light.

Men, right? (Oh, for goodness sake, I KNOW not all men.)

Sure, women probably do this too but I’ve really on encountered asshole men who do it with consistency.

I am pretty sure I was negged at work the other day.

I am sometimes asked to pick up lunch for some of the sales people/engineers/whoever might be having a lunch meeting. Whatever, no big deal, it all pays the same, right?

At first, one of the sales dudes asked me to send out an email to what he called ‘the group’ for orders to a food truck that comes to town every Thursday. Fine, okay, except…who is ‘the group’? I’ve been here for all of three months. I don’t actually know who ‘the group’ is yet. Give me a freaking break.

So he emailed me the names of ‘the group.’ Fine, I sent the email. Ten minutes later I received a call from one of ‘the group’. The holiday dinner for plant 2 (the company for which I work has four plants) was the day of the lunch First Dude wanted me to bring in from the food truck.

Okay, I said. This is being headed up by Sales Dude, maybe you need to talk to him about this?

Mmmm, kay?

Ten minutes after that, ANOTHER member of ‘the group’ stops by my desk to mention the holiday lunch. I repeat what I’d said to Dude 2. He (dude three) says he’ll take care of it.

An hour later, Original Dude shows up at my desk.

Hey, he suggests, we should just have our lunch on Friday.

Okay, I agree. Except the food truck only comes on Thursday, so from where to you want lunch?

Thank goodness for me, the president of the company, also a member of ‘the group’ was walking by so Original Dude asks him where he wants lunch brought in.

He’s the president because he doesn’t hesitate in making decisions. He says where he wants lunch and says it’s because it’s easier to get to and from than most other places in town. Works for me, President Dude.

Original Dude repeats what President Dude said as if I weren’t sitting RIGHT THERE and didn’t have ears of my very own.

I say, “Got it.” Then…because I’m one to think out loud but not because I wanted OD’s input, I said, “I’ll resend the email and attach the new menu. What time do I need to order for pick up?”

Remember, I wasn’t actually asking for Original Dude to give me this answer. No, I was just thinking out loud and was going to find out the answer all by myself.

But because Original Dude is a MAN, he had to give his twelve cents. He said, with an obnoxious smile, “You seem like a capable woman, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

This was absolutely NOT a compliment from him. He was, without a doubt in my mind, trying to make me feel small and stupid. I could tell by the smug, creepy smile he gave me.

I didn’t respond. There was nothing I could say. If I’d called him on the comment, he would have said I was overreacting and taking what he’d said wrong. I didn’t want to agree with him because, while yes, I am capable, I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of a reaction one way or the other.

Ugh! Some days I just can’t even with men.

Again, I know…not all men. But enough to make me want to not have to deal with ANY men.