Monday, February 18, 2019

TMI

Okay, if you don’t want to know WAY too much about me, go ahead and skip this post. These days, I’m writing more for myself than anything which is probably why my posts have been so whiny and annoying.

And this is for me too. But I don’t think it’s going to be whiny so there’s that.

Again, TMI is heading your way so avert your eyes if you don’t want to know about my IUD or lack of periods for the past twelve years or anything else concerning my hooha.

Ahhh, now that I’ve got a little privacy…

I had my IUD removed last Thursday. Valentine’s Day, yes.

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, my gynecologist told me the IUD would need to be removed.

But then they (my group of doctors, I have so many these days) decided that since my cancer was triple negative, the IUD wasn’t doing any harm and so it was decided we’d leave it in just to prevent pregnancy during chemotherapy and radiation.

Ha.

Hahahahahahahahaha.

I want to know who the hell is doing the thing that causes pregnancy while on chemotherapy. Because, no. No, no, no, no, no. No to the sex when one has a port inserted just under one’s skin on the right side of her chest and a five inch incision along one’s left breast, just under the armpit. No when one’s spouse is using a q-tip and shoving gauze into said incision for several months. It’s just not a romantic thing. It’s a loving thing, yes. Romantic? No.

All the above aside, we did decide to just leave the IUD alone.

I got my first IUD when Olivia was six weeks old. At that time, I was 36 years old and my doctor suggested I get on placed because ‘you never know, you might want to try for a boy.’

Uhh, okay. Whatever. I knew I didn’t want to get my tubes tied even though I was pretty sure I was done having babies so I went with the IUD. It was a semi-permanent solution to something I simply wasn’t ready to make permanent.

IUD, Mirena IUDs specifically, last for five years. So when Olivia was five, I had the first one removed and the second one inserted.

When she was ten, I had the second one removed and the third one inserted.

I never had any of the issues I’ve read about concerning IUDs. I never had any break-through bleeding. I don’t think I had mood swings or depression. Maybe some of my weight gain is due to the IUD? Or maybe it’s because I like to eat the crème out of Mega Stuf Oreos, like, a lot.

Anyway, about those side effects. They are as follows, as per the Internet:
•missed periods (amenorrhea), - YES!!! Which was one of the selling points of getting an IUD placed.
•bleeding and spotting between periods, - NOPE
•heavier bleeding during the first few weeks after device insertion,
•abdominal/pelvic pain, - NOPE, well, wait. I did have some cramping after the insertion of IUD 2 and 3.
•ovarian cysts, - NOPE
•back pain, - Duh, I’m fat and old, of course my back hurts, like all the time.
•headache/migraine, - I’ve always had headaches, so…maybe?
•nervousness, - NO
•dizziness, - NO
•nausea, - NO
•vomiting, - NO
•bloating, - Well, I’m fat, so…who knows if I’m bloated, I tend to always look like this.
•breast tenderness or pain, - Huh…breast cancer…
•weight gain, - I’m a fatty
•changes in hair growth, - NO
•acne, - NO
•depression, - Well…
•changes in mood, - I can be quite bitchy and also weepy, sometimes as the same time but I think this might be a me problem more so than an IUD problem
•loss of interest in sex, - See: CHEMO
•itching or skin rash, and - NO
•puffiness in the face, hands, ankles, or feet. – See: FATNESS

I decided a couple of weeks ago, before my annual exam with my gynecologist, Dr. S, that maybe it was time to have this last IUD (number 3, remember) removed. I kind of feel like it’s time to let my body just be.

I’ve been through so much. My body has been through so much. How about we just let it be for a while? How about I start practicing a little kindness toward myself and my body?

I don’t know if having the IUD out will make a difference but I want to find out.

I am 48 years old. I will not be having any more children but I want to let my body get back to its own natural rhythms. And hey, guess what? Four days after an IUD removal, a body (my body, at least) will have a period.

And I’m okay with that. I haven’t had a period in over twelve years. Almost thirteen, actually, since Olivia was probably conceived (ha, what did I tell you about TMI?) thirteen years ago this month.

It’s time for my body to rest, to just be.

Will this help me lose weight? Probably not. Will it make me like myself more? Probably not. Will it make me less bitchy and weepy? Probably not.

But it’s something. It’s a start of something.

What? I don’t know. But something and I’m holding on to that for now until I figure out the rest.

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