An Evolution of Sleep

Star date 1/16/20: Three doses in of Lexapro…tonight, our bedtime routine was cut in half.

Backstory: Back in the day, when Alyssa and Olivia slept in the big bed in my room and I slept in a twin next to them, I’d tuck the girls in, do an elaborate singing, scratching, talking routine and finally, FINALLY, they’d both fall asleep.

I transitioned out of that by singing to them, rubbing their backs for a couple of minutes and then telling them I had to go to the bathroom. I’d spend about ten minutes in there and by the time I got back, they’d both be asleep.

Then we moved down the hall (yes, all three of us) to Alyssa’s room. There was a full-sized bed and bunk beds down there. Alyssa, at 10, was thrilled to take the top bunk, Olivia went into the bottom and I slept in the full-sized bed. It was lovely.

Right after she turned fourteen, Alyssa declared that she thought she’d like to sleep alone in her room.

Okay, then.

Olivia and I moved back down to the master bedroom. I got the big (read: queen) bed this time and Olivia sleeps in the twin.

Our bedtime routine has evolved over the years, as it does.

Back before cancer and chemo and all that brought with it, we’d settle on the couch and I’d scratch Olivia’s back/legs/arms (whatever was itchy) until she fell asleep. Some nights it was so frustrating because she’d wiggle, turn, twist, etc. But once she was asleep, I could either carry her to bed or wake her just enough to get her to walk up the stairs and climb into bed herself, going right back to sleep.

Cancer and the exhaustion of treatment put an end to that. After my surgery, I couldn’t sit on the couch with her for an hour and scratch her. At that point, we started just going to upstairs, wide awake, and going to bed that way.

That brought its own struggles, though.

In the past few months, our bedtime routine has been:

Brush teeth, go upstairs, the turtles and bug (stuffed, obviously) kiss her goodnight. I scratch her back for all of ten seconds. I kiss her goodnight. I tell her I have to go take care of things in the bathroom.

I come back ten (or so) minutes later. She’s playing with her book light.

The turtles (Travis, mostly) ask her questions, she gives actual answers. Barbie (a Lego Barbie, just the head and torso) sings Frere Jacques and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. She does this while ‘standing’ on a cube that lights up. She really belts it out on that cube, just saying.

Then Barbie kissed Olivia, Travis, Rosie, Gub and Rupert (all the stuffed turtles/lady bug.)

Then I kiss her goodnight again and scratch her back for another ten seconds and go to my bed.

There she asks me questions for at least a half hour. Sigh.

Finally, I tell her it’s time to try and sleep. She might or might not ask a few more questions. Then we go to sleep.

Sure, it’s exhausting but we sleep through the night, so I’m calling it a win.

Last night, though. The night she took her third pill, I tucked her in. The turtles and Gub kissed her good night. I told her I had to go brush my teeth and gather the next day’s clothes and suggested, gently, that maybe she should just try and sleep while I was doing that.

When I came back, maybe 15 minutes later, she was sound asleep.

Obviously, I don’t know if this sleep change is a one-time event, if it was caused by her still being sort of sick or if it’s a sign of the Lexapro working to settle her brain down. I guess we’ll see.