Pushing Boundaries

Someday I am going to regret being such a raging bitch to my dad. I just wish I could channel that sad soul that will be me someday when I’m missing my dad because these days when the doorbell rings at 9:20 on a Sunday evening, I just want to punch something. It pisses me off SO MUCH when he shows up on a school/work night knowing we all have to get up early the next morning.

I am aware that I’d written about this so many times.

I’m sorry.

I just get so frustrated with him. It often feels like he’s daring me to say anything, daring me to try and maintain my boundaries.

He’s been retired for almost twenty years. It’s as if he’s forgotten what it feels like to have to get up at 5:30 in the morning..

Or, you know, he just doesn’t care.

He wants what he wants when he wants it and he usually wants to talk at me (yes, ‘at’ not to, it’s not a conversation, it’s a monologue and I’m the only audience) for a few minutes, ask me for some Excedrin (which is a precious commodity these days since it’s been pulled from the shelves, yikes!) and then he wants to weigh himself on the scale we keep in our half-bath.

I should buy him some damned aspirin, give him a digital bathroom scale and see how often she shows up.

Sigh.

I’m going to miss him. I know I am. But I just wish he’d make these visits easier by showing up at a decent time on either Friday or Saturday evenings.

Why after 9pm on a Sunday?

Why do the visits always coincide with bad weather? It’s as if he refuses to abide by social niceties or listen to weather advisories. He’s going to drive where he wants when he wants and the elements can go suck it. So what if he ends up with a flat tire or in a ditch? Someone will help him out and it won’t even bother him that he’s inconveniencing that person through his own selfishness.

Wanna guess where I inherited my own selfishness?

One guess…

I apologize to anyone out there who has lost a parent and who would give anything at all for a late night visit from that parent. I really do. I know how lucky I am to have both my mom and my dad. I just wish…I wish he’d make it easier to enjoy his visits.

That’s all.

And proof that I'm a jerk...the day I wrote this, my dad went into the hospital. My sister sent him by ambulance because his heart rate went up to 200 and he kept falling...I am sorry for complaining about his late night visits. Truly.