Cold Calls

I feel for people who have to make cold calls all day long.

I really do. I mean, they're just doing their job.

And yet, these calls irritate the shit out of me.

Back when I was a young 30-something I’d been at my last job for maybe six months when I got a call from a printing company. The person on the line asked me what kind of printer I used.

Being naïve and unaware of the scams that take place, I told him.

What do you know!?! He’d just had a huge order of cartridges for that VERY printer canceled. He could make me a great deal on those cartridges.

I was clueless, so I took the bait.

And once the original cartridges came in at the ‘bargain’ price, we were suddenly getting cartridges every single month for probably more than full-price. When I tried to cancel it, I was told I’d entered into a verbal contract to take those cartridges for a year.

Lesson learned.

When I was pregnant with Olivia I got another such call. I was five years old and a thousand years wiser.

The woman on the phone asked me the number on the printer that sat at the end of my desk.

I told her I didn’t have a printer on the end of my desk.

She assured me I did and wanted to know what kind it was.

I informed her that I was sitting at my desk at that very moment and there was NO PRINTER on my desk. Then I thanked her for her time and hung up on her.

She called me right back to tell me I was a rude bitch.

Well. I was so astounded that this woman had taken the time to call me back just to call me a rude bitch that I told me boss at the time what had happened. He asked me if I’d asked to speak to her supervisor.

Well, no. I mean, after she said her ugly words, she hung up.

Ehh, you know what? I’m okay with that designation. So be it.

Since I started my new job almost a year and a half ago, I’ve gotten more junk emails than I can count from companies trying to sell me stuff, get in the door to sell other’s stuff, etc.

I just delete them and move on.

Alas, I recently got a CALL from someone who’d emailed me and hadn’t received a response.

This woman was much nicer than the above printer cartridge hag. She was pushy though.

She mangled my last name. I mean, how hard is Ordinary to pronounce really? Anyway, I asked her what the call was about and then told her that I was asking because I had absolutely no authority whatsoever at my company. She assured me she wasn’t trying to sell me anything. Uh huh.

She told me her company name. I don’t remember it because it didn’t mean anything to me.

Then she said that her files said I was the director of IT.

Hahahaha.

No.

I gave her a bit of a laugh and said, “Oh, no. I am most certainly NOT the director of IT.”

She asked me if I knew the name of the director of IT at our company.

Nope. Not gonna pawn this one off on someone else.

I said, “Well, actually, we just have an IT department here, no real director.”

By the way, we totally have a director of IT. *eye roll*

Then she asked me if she could send me an email and maybe I could forward it to the right person.

I asked her if her company would show up if someone in our IT department did a search for whatever services her company provides.

She said yes.

So, I said, if at any point, our company needs whatever she’s trying to sell me in that moment, we could find her company at that time. Then I told her that I’d probably just delete any email she sent me.

Then she asked if someone could call me.

Uhhh, hello? YOU called me, lady!

I then said, still quite polite I have to say, “Please don’t have anyone call me. Please just remove me from your list. I can’t make any decisions about what you do or what services you provide.”

She politely said that they’d remove me from their list.

Look at that, seems like maybe I’ve learned how to not be a rude bitch and still get people to leave me alone. Huh.