Morbid

As we edge closer and closer to actually moving into a home closer to my work and Alyssa's school, I find myself getting more and more morbid. Thoughts of horrendous accidents hover at the edge of my subconscious, taunting me.

I've been making this 65 mile (one way) commute for over eight years. I've been incredibly lucky these past eight years. I've not had a serious accident in all that time. And I drive a major highway during my commute for over 40 miles.

Sure, sure there was that time that our car spun out of control on an icy road and a two-year-old Alyssa and I ended up in a snow drifted ditch. But that was nothing. I simply drove out of the ditch and limped the last twenty miles to my mom's house, only to get stuck at the end of her driveway for the day. It wasn't that big a deal, though at the time, I though my heart would pound out of my chest. Alyssa had been sleeping at the time of the spin out. She woke up as we slowed to a rest in the ditch. She asked if we were at Grammy's. We weren't. But we made it.

We've always made it.

And that terrifies me. What if our luck is running out? I know, that's crazy. But...is it? Is it really?

Karma is a bitch. Karma hates the smug. I know this because I've bragged about a good night's sleep one too many times and had a very cranky child keep me awake for hours the very next night.

Which is why I worry. Worriers aren't smug. They're too scared to be smug. And worrying tends to make me a little more careful while on the road.

See, my fear is that since we're so close to not having to make this drive anymore, as we are almost able to count the number of times we'll have to merge onto the highway and drive defensively among semis and SUVs and other crazy drivers, one of these last trips is going to end badly.

I realize that this is irrational. But isn't fear always irrational? I just keep praying that we continue to be lucky/blessed/whatever you want to call it. And I keep driving carefully and hoping, hoping, hoping that karma is overlooking me today, tomorrow, next week as we wind down our commuting time. Please?