Friday, June 19, 2015

Starring Gwyneth Paltrow

(Because doesn’t everyone love to hear about other people’s dreams?) (I know…no one actually enjoys hearing other people’s dreams but…my blog, my rules and hence, my dream.)
Setting: A weirdly picturesque community with a lot of large vaguely Victorian houses. It’s a post-apocalyptic world in which most of the zombies have been destroyed but there are some lingering.

A group of adults are wandering the street, I’m among them. We’re heading for a specific house because we suspect a zombie has gotten in and we need to get it out, destroy it.

Because it’s a dream and dreams are weird, Gwyneth Paltrow jumps from the third story balcony of a vaguely Victorian house that has been painted a very odd shade of green (sort of Kelly green but quite bright.) Once she lands on the grass much like a superhero would land, Gwyneth launches into a lecture about how we should leave the zombie alone. We all need to learn to live and let live. In fact, we should free the zombie from his (it’s a dude zombie) closet inside the house next door to the bright green house from which Gwyneth jumped, we should just let him roam the streets of our apparently safe neighborhood. After all, Gwyneth told us, zombies are people too!

We made our way into the house to find the zombie stuck in the closet. Someone (not Gwyneth) let him out and he rolled around on the floor for a bit. I realized with horror that the zombie was between me and Olivia, who was laying on the floor maybe three feet from the zombie. She was playing on her tablet, oblivious to the danger that was rolling toward her.

Tom was the closest to Olivia and the zombie but just stood there, watching the scene unfold. The zombie rolled to within a foot of Olivia and I heard it mutter, “Must not bite. Resist temptation.”

I guess this was just an ‘almost’ zombie, ala R from Warm Bodies or Liv Moore from iZombie; except this dude was in full-on Walking Dead zombie mode. Whatever it was, I was pretty sure it wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation to eat my child and so I leaped over it, grabbed my daughter and then jumped back to safety. Then I turned and glared at my husband for just standing there.

At that point, I think it was decided that the zombie would be left alone to eat or not eat as the rest of us made our way out of the house.

One thing I now know for sure is that I dream in color since I distinctly remember the awful green house and the red of Olivia’s tablet as it tumbled from her hands when I snatched her from the jaws of certain zombie-ism.

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